“My Father defiled Me, And My Mother Blamed Me”

Deolu speaks "I was defiled from age of 12 to 16 and I was defiled by my father.

It started one day when he picked me up early from school he gave me a glass of alcohol. He made me drink it then told me to take a bath. I assumed it was because I started feeling a little ill due to the alcohol. Soon he came into the bathroom and told me to go relax on the bed. I was scared and begged him not to hurt me but he did. He hurt me and abused me. I felt terrible inside me, I was crying but he did not stop.

I was afraid to tell my mother what was going on. My mother was also a rape victim and this affected her mental health. My father told me that if I told her, she will die. He also apologized to me and said he would go to jail if I reported him. I did not know what to do so I did nothing for years while he continued to abuse me.

I eventually got the strength to tell my mother. She did not believe me at first, then she later blamed me for causing it. She says it was my own fault. My father left the house eventually. When I turned 21, he came to apologize to me, crying. But I still deal with the after effect of being a rape victim everyday."

 

Counsel:

Emotional traumas resulted from sexual assaults more often than not have severe effects in the lives of the victims. Everyone has his/her own different response to this trauma depending on the age, psychological strength and personality of each victim; type of assault, when it occurred, situation surrounding the assault, who and frequency of seeing the assaulter.

It is a common ground that rapist are psychologically derailed; be it family members, neighbours or strangers. Most sick of them are family members. It’s said the issue can’t be fully addressed because of the felt stigma it brings.

Victims need get help soonest by:

• Getting to a safe place

• Reporting to authorities – police (if you want to)

• Calling a friend, family or trusted relative that is matured enough to comfort you through.

Telling out the assault makes the incident visible even though it is embarrassing, shameful and strength depleting.

The best you can do for a rape victim is to be a good listener, believer, encouragement, and most of all offer company as the victim gets help from a professional. Remember no one asked to be rape, therefore, respond with caution.

I really wonder if we could have a rape free society.