Relationships: Direction or Speed??

 

What matters isn't how long you've been in a relationship but whether or not you're in the 'right' relationship.  Many single people are often overwhelmed by been single; and wouldn't mind been in a relationship with just anybody.  You should wait till you find the right person. A wrong relationship can cause so much destruction to your life and wellness balance.  Wrong relationship brings regrets and causes damage to your psychological and emotional being.   Desperation for "just any relationship" has even resulted in death - suicides and murders. Please be wise.

Relationship: While Stressing "Change" to Your Partner

When you try changing someone you claim to love, be ready for any of these predisposed responses. The person would ask:

1. Why is there a need for me to change, I am doing perfectly fine!

2. Why should you ask me to change, can’t you accept me as I am? 

3. Why should I change and even if I have, why should I listen to you?

4. Oh! Do you think you are God! Even God cannot ask me that!

5. Why should I change if I am not convinced there is something wrong about it?

6. If I have to change, only I shall decide, no one has the right to judge me.

7. I am open to change but only for someone who first accepts me as I am.

8. I would change only for someone who loves me blindly.

9. I accept changes but it would be tough as I was made this way.

10. Give me time, I am a not good at it! Etc. 

You may think, if a person loves you, he or she should use nice language with you and should not be a boozer or a gambler. However, for that person, love is only an expression of his/her self and his/her “self” already accepts abuse and boozing as acceptable things for his or her living's wellness.

If you attempt to reason it out with him or her that if he/she loves you, he/she should stop abuse and booze, he/she would first of all look confused. He/she would not even understand why you are saying this. Because, he/she (his/her subconscious mind), does not see any contradiction and conflict in it. Most likely, he or she shall take your words of reasoning as a threat to the balance of his or her wellness and would likely to go away. Nobody can compromise with his or her long preserved balance.

Actually, this person loved you because you fitted in his or her larger scheme of balance and wellness. Now when you have put up ideas, which disturb his or her balance, his/her sense of wellness is threatened and compromised. He or she is likely to stop loving you, or shall be unsettled and erratic in his or her action-behavior.

While waiting for love

While searching for the "right one" to love and be your partner, you should not hesitate to make a list of what you want with your partner and do not settle for less. You need to be very satisfied indeed before committing

and this is not a warning not to commit yourself long engagements.

A relationship like this would always lead somewhere and it is not just another love affair.

An example of a sensible list is

(1) intelligence,

(2) connection,

(3) personality,

(4) smart and

(5) sexy.

Usually, you’ll find more lovely things than you “humanly” wished for.

You need to understand that in life also you find different kinds of love. For instance, the love you have for your parents is very different way from the way you love your wife. And then there is soul mate love which is all encompassing and beyond description or understanding. It is just pure love and emotion combined with caring and desire for each other, for it is never platonic in any way shape or form.

Two genuine lovers are in constant amazement of each other and can hardly believe their luck that the other one is in love with them. They cannot even think they deserved the other one and thus treasure each other beyond words. There is really nothing on this earth or in eternity which will be able to keep them apart or break them up.

Smiles and Laughter's role in LOVE

When you smile at another person they will almost always return the smile, which causes positive feelings in both you and them, because of cause and effect. Studies prove that most encounters will run more smoothly, last longer, have more positive outcomes and dramatically improve relationships when you make a point of regularly smiling and laughing to the point where it becomes a habit.

Simply put, the more he can make her laugh, the more attractive she will find him. This is because the ability to make others laugh is perceived as a dominant trait and women prefer dominant males, while males prefer subordinate females.
Studies show that women lough at men they're attracted to, and men are attracted to women who laugh at them

Evidence shows conclusively that smiles and laughter build the immune system, defend the body against illness and disease, medicate the body, sell ideas, teach better, attract more friends and extend life.

Humour heals.

The Cultured lady

“Hey lady!” This is the way every average woman wants to be addressed. The matured female population often want to be addressed and rightly treated by the opposite sex but how many are ready to do those things that will “command” the respect and conduct from them? These days, how many women are knowledgeable when it comes to simple etiquette?

 

Simple etiquette aren’t about good cloths and makeups, neither is it expensive bags and shoes. You may wear the most expensive designer and still be the object of mockery. You aren’t a lady because you have good cash in the bank to command undependability, neither can been married to the richest man in town do the magic.

 

Being a lady is more about your carriage; how you sit, walk, stand, talk, look, laugh, choice of dressing, respond to incidents, interact with others, and so on. Let’s have a closer look.

• A lady does not fight or exchange words in public. It is so shameful when decently dressed ladies exchange words in public and, in some cases step into the madness of fighting.

• A lady eats honorably in public gatherings; and doesn’t target the “over flows” at parties. You think people don’t see you but your name is all over the place and that has become your trade-mark. Men notice you and mark you as “anything for the belly…with money/food and I’ve got her”.
• A lady knows how to fix breakfast, lunch, and dinner for family and friends; she spends less on restaurants. No matter how greatly the modern world is trying to change this…it remains a bitter truth.
• A lady doesn’t go vulgar; she knows what not to say. Some women are now worse than hoodlums and thugs when it comes to the dirty words pouring out of their mouths. The senseless ways and words used in greeting…all in the name of informality. It doesn’t stop there, women now nickname themselves which plainly points them to be indecent ill-mannered females.
• A lady doesn’t get involved in illegal transacts; either for association or money. Drugs, human trafficking, prostitution or call-girls aren’t for ladies…they are just disgrace to womanhood.
• A lady cultures the best habits like brushing last thing at night as a must and gets her man to imbibe the tradition.
• A lady dances, but never like a maniac or psychiatric patient. When it comes to alcohol or smoking…you know that’s a stretch.
• A lady treats her body specially and so doesn’t open her legs to every Tom, Dick, and Harry. A lady never sells her body for better grades, contracts or employment opportunity.
• A lady wipes gently, with wet wipes, her private part after urination. How many women know what it means to have wipes in their handbags? Most women now bother more about designer makeup but never about hygienic body care.
• A lady dress and courteously flaunts her good curves without exposing what should be covered. She wears what accentuates her body and beauty without selling herself cheap.
• A lady uses her makeup to enhance her beauty not look like a masquerade or appear like a work of art. A lady further knows better than to bleach.
• A lady knows her weaves needs to be well kept and free from smelling so as not to suffocate her man.
• A lady surely doesn’t wear dirty underwear. She prefers cotton for long days because they help her breath well and avoid smelling.
• Lady and conspicuous tattoos don’t go together….not even in poetry. You don’t see tattoos on royals!
• A lady doesn’t try to feign wealth…courtesy, cherished virtues and humility are her flaunted wealth. She’s never ashamed of her background and won’t change it to please men/society.

Long goes the traits of lady etiquette. Last line is…the feminine features on your body do not make you a lady…neither would you find an ill-mannered lady. The name lady is reserved for the well-mannered females.

A Lady's Self-Discovery

Self-discovery is important for every young lady. It is self-discovery that makes you know what is good for you and what is not. Until you discover who you are, what works for you, who you what to be and how you wish your future pans out, you are still a “baby” irrespective of your age or displayed feminine features.

If you are yet to discover yourself, how do you know the man who genuinely deserves you? Discovering yourself would make you appreciate and cherish the “you” in you as a woman more than ever.

This surely isn't to make you pompous or unruly but make decisions that propel you to a better future and project you as a respectable woman.

***No man messes around with a woman who has discovered herself; for she is as a perceptive lioness. Patient, quick, smart, logical, intellectual, disciplined and always a beauty***

DON'T be SUSPICIOUS

Suspicion creates a form of doubt and negative image of the person that is suspected. It breeds worry and fear even if it lack an element of truth. When you become suspicious, it will affect the trust level of your relationship. Suspicions suck out the life and fun in a relationship. Many people have been wrongly blamed just because a previous suspicious act was not properly discussed. Don't create an avenue to be suspected rather discuss any issues that can lead to suspicion. Be open in discussion and avoid secrecy. It's that simple.

DO NOT dwell on RESIDUAL knowledge

A lot of us usually believe we have what it takes to handle our relationship in terms of knowledge and wisdom. But we often dwell on our residual knowledge and this will not help us. For us to experience bliss in our relationship, we have carefully outline this mistake in order to avoid it. We need more experiences and ideas from people who have practical and proven knowledge about relationships. Read books, attend seminars and listen to educative programs. This will equip you with the knowledge to handle your relationship.

 

Ask questions ...yes. But from reliable people and endeavor to provide the full context so your advisor would fully comprehend the situation.  

 

NEVER live a FALSE life

Many people live less than their true self by trying to be the perfect picture in other's frame just to please them. This will make them function less than their original self and regret it on the long run. A question to pounder on is "till when do you plan to keep up the lie"? Some lie about their finances, abilities and/or personality. This charade is purely dangerous and leads to a disastrous end emotionally and psychologically.  

Try to be yourself and live your best. It is better that you are accepted the way you are than to be accepted for who you are not. Don't make the mistake of living a false life, it shows you lack originality and stability.

Money in relationships

It is no secret that money has been the doom of many relationships. As the holy Bible says, “For the love of money is the root of all evil...” and another portion says “money answereth all things”.
Contradicting?? I doubt. Whether married or in a long-term relationship, improper handling or spending of money in a relationship has been the source of many arguments and conflicts of various gravity and inadequacy has robbed many relationship of fun and adventure in some cases or infliction of more problems in others.

Love is greater than money – at least that’s the way it should be. The mechanics of a healthy relationship should of course be love and passion, honesty and acceptance, communication and openness, friendship and attraction, compatibility and selflessness, faithfulness and respect, trust and the other good qualities you’re most likely listing in your mind as you read this. If we are both right, how come money had and has an extensive grip on most relationships?

The power and influence of money really transcends human’s primary conscious psychology. I mean we make many if not most actions with knowing it’s the money commanding and most times, the way we talk; our choice of words and manner of speaking is influenced.

Money doesn’t have to be the relationship wrecker if only we could

·         Freely talk about money

·         Handle money

·         Have right attitude towards money

·         And use money properly like it should be instead of it manipulating us.

For many, money creates fear, dishonesty and some other misbehavior because of how volatile it is.

Simple things can cause the biggest problems. Like?

1. Living above your earning isn’t a wise way to exist. It is necessary to be honest with yourself and then your partner/finance instead of been unrealistic...faking lifestyles. Never hide your debt because they might surface in the future of your relationship and look much uglier that when you made them.

2. Never attempt to get love with money. It cannot be overstated that money is volatile. If ever you make money the basis of your relationship, what would you do when it "goes"? Are you thinking now?

Yes money is important and can be used to express love. Ensure whoever wants you loves you for "YOU" and not basically because of your money.

Talking about money should be carefully approached and respectfully concluded.

Usually in a relationship, there is "plenty saver" and the "heavy spender". It isn’t wrong. However, when your partner overspends beyond your comfort level, it most definitely would scare you that you are gradually been dragged to a “breaking point”. This is when a sit down and re-evaluation is important.

AVOID playing the BLAME GAME

Blame does no good to a relationship or one's partner other than frustrate life out of them.

When you blame your partner, it shows that you are shelving your responsibility off you. More often than not, "passing the blame" game often lead to the development of a negative skill called nagging. Do not mistake "blaming" for "heated discussion" or "pouring out your heart as it is"...no!  Also, have it at the back of your mind that blames destroy relationships in bits. After the damage is done, you'll find it hard to believe the "blame game" did that much.

Be courageous and bold enough to be responsible for your actions. Also, rather than blame, mutually discuss any issues that can affect your partner or the relationship.

AVOID CHEATING on your partner

Are you considering unfaithfulness towards your partner? The answer is DON'T! Don't think about it, don't plan it...if possible, don't even joke about it. Cheating is commonly referred to as the act of betrayal or unfaithfulness towards your partner. Usually when you devote the emotional and physical intimacy meant for the person you are dating to another person, then its considered cheating. If any of the partners in a relationship were sincerely devoted to the relationship, none would allow the concept of cheating. Not for any reason.
Cheating destroys you psychologically without you knowing it. It makes you feel you can get away with it playing "emotional smartness" and have "options" but on the long run, you become addicted to it and hardly would be able to save yourself.
Just don’t think about cheating if you really want something from that relationship.

Note To The Broken Hearted

Relationships go bad, people betray trust, some partners become unfaithful and occasionally, genuine love seem impossible to find.

On a brighter note, however hard and whatever turn life seem to have taken, remember life is seasonal. Everything is in constant change, nothing stays bad or good forever, it just constantly evolves & changes. Your pain won't be forever, your heart won't ache till you age, you won't be alone till you die...No.

The future seems so far away because time goes by so slowly. If you are faced with a breakup and you don't seem to be able to work it out, do not despair. The person isn't just the right one for you. Someone shouldn't need to be faced with your absence  to value your presence in his/her life. At such a time, the greatest pleasure in your life is doing what that Ex thought or said you couldn't do without him/her. The next best objective in your life should be to live an awesome life that ex would envy. Be happy and radiant.

10 Worst Feelings in a Relationship

Cheated on: Been unfaithful to is a common practice but the adverse effects emotionally and psychologically are still very pronounced. Been cheated on makes some people feel like they've been fooled, wrongly lead on. Others might feel they are at fault and didn't do enough of what's expected from a partner. Most times in this world we live in, it usually the fault of the unfaithful partner.

Over thinking: Many unexplained actions have lead to over thinking which makes many misread actions or words. Overthinking pops up when communication is poor between two partners. Over thinking must be reduced at all cost through the use of proper, respectful and frequent communication to convey thoughts, plans and incidents.

Lied to: Lies hurt too bad especially when they come from someone that is loved and respected. Many people are of the opinion you have to lie to a person you love because you love them too much to hurt them. Whatever would make you lie to your partner in the first place would most likely be something wrong. Instead of lying, identify the situation that'll make you lie and avoid it.

Heart broken: Been heart broken is an eventually pain from originates from cheating, lies, unfaithfulness and disappointment. Whenever you are in a heart broken situation, all you need remember is that broken hearts do mend...with time. 

Not cared for: After giving your heart, time, love and expectations to someone, feeling uncared for could really hurt. Love at a point needs to be reciprocal, and if this isn't the case in a relationship, the uncared for partner sees a hole in the context of the been shown. 

Losing: After its all done on you that you have lost the person you love either before or after a breakup, there is a traumatic effect you brain feels and it causes much of pain. Feeling of losing might be coming from loss of respect, attention and other relationship essentials.

Scared: Be scared isn't a positive feeling in a relationship. When there are problems in a relationship so much that a partner gets scared, the future of that relationship isn't looking good.

Led on: Feeling of pain due to loss of respect, self-esteem and affection after it become clear you're just been led on and the person didn't truly love you is psychological painful. It is much better to be very clear about a relationship just so you'll be on the same page with your partner.

Nervous: "Shaky" moments hit us all in life. The worst of this is when you get nervous with someone you actually love and care about when it comes to some specific issues.

Letting go: This is the crown of the painful feeling. However, for what its worth, you'll get over it.

Signs he wants just sex from you

There are many men out there just interested in scoring some "actions" with ladies and then making a switch. This isn't news. Girls say it a lot and guys admit it. Except you are only interested in counting the number of guys that have "gone through" you as a lady, you would be more cautious of how the male-folks relate to you, distinguish you, and most especially – who you eventually get on with.

How can you know what they next guy that approaches you has in mind? They all say quite the same thing and pressure you almost the same way. There are some actions you have to read and questions you should ask yourself. These questions would tell you if he's just trying get into your pants or he's a real deal.

¤ How does he communicate with you? Most guys text and mail girls they want just 'a thing' from. They find it extra stress making those calls due to the extra work need. He'll prefer to use smileys/emoticon in place him carrying it out. If he can chat you more often, reply your messages, then ask yourself why not a call that'll take less energy.

¤ Has he said he's not ready to be in a relationship? It is textbook warning that most girls do miss. He said he's not interest in a relationship but he trying to be 'intimate' with you. When he keeps claiming he's last relationship took a toll on him and he's needs time of relationship but he attempts getting closer to another female. How does that balance up in the world of the sensible?

¤ Does he limit meeting you in just one restaurant? Hiding you from the world in order to minimize the need for explanations to the world after he has gotten what he wants and cut ties with you is the objective. He may say it's his favorite, give locational reasons or suddenly become an expert in detecting the restaurant with the best fries/chicken.

¤ Has he been making too many promises? Men with good intentions make promises, men with good character keep them. Real men know the weight of promises and avoid making many promises. When a guy waltz to you promising too much of this and that, then there's high possibility he's trying to say what he thinks you want to hear to enable him get 'some' soonest.

¤ Has he been making last minute plans to see you? He brings up the idea of hooking up with you at the 'eleventh hour' mostly at night. That's the definition of a 'booty call'.

¤ Does he avoid deep personality conversations? Yes he knows your name, current engagement, frequent locations and daily activity patterns. A guy that limits himself to shallow things about you doesn't want to be around for too long. That also makes it easy for his conscience and brain to forget you after the affair is over.

¤ Has he been all about getting physical when you around? When his hands does not stop wondering and he even voices getting intimate whenever he thinks he can get move on to second base, you know what he wants. When it's always about that getting physical when you two are alone, that's a "use and dump" game he's playing on you.

¤ How many of friends of he's has he officially introduced you to? Keeping you off his social life makes the job much easier for him after he dumps you. This is why he'll do as much as he can not to introduce you to his real buddies (except those that play the same game he does).

Now you know. Avoid been taken as 'a minute refreshment'. Live like a queen and then you can be treated as such.

5 Ways To Attract The Right People Into Your Life

Whether love life, business, or friendship — attraction follows pretty much the same rules. And they might not be what you think.Ready to finally start attracting the right people into your life? Follow these five tips:

1. Get clear on who you are, not who you're told to be.

So often, our desires are a lot more aligned with society's expectations than with what we really want. Is a good-looking guy or girl really your top priority? What about a sense of humor? Do you really want to work around the clock for that rich client? Or would a relaxed atmosphere with a little less money work for you?

2. Picture your ideal, and be specific.

You can't get what you want if you don't know what it is in the first place. Start thinking about the exact person you want to attract into your business or your life. Remember, you're the only one setting the rules here, so the sky's the limit. Be specific on everything from their secret passions to their inner fears. When you know what you're looking for, you're a lot more likely to find it.

3. Get really good at repelling people.

The most common barrier to attracting people into your business or life is trying to please everyone. If you're keeping everyone happy, then you're not being special to anyone. When you are authentically yourself, some people are inevitably going to be repelled. And that's a good thing. Once you start sending away the wrong fits, you're making room for the right ones to come in.

4. Let yourself be found.

Think of it this way: You're a lighthouse calling the ships in. If you don't shine your light bright enough, no one's going to be able to find you. So put yourself out there. Place yourself in situations where you can be found. Introduce yourself to everyone. Be as much of yourself as you possible when you first meet. Give the right people a chance to find you.

5. Be open to whatever comes along.

At the end of the day, business or love might not come in the form that we expected. But that doesn't mean that it's a bad fit. If you're putting yourself out there authentically, watch who starts coming into your life. Sometimes who we are attracting can teach us a lot about ourselves that we didn't know. And it might be a better fit than we expected.

At this exact moment, there's at least one person out there looking for exactly what you are. Whether it's a client, lover, or just a friend — somebody is trying to find you.

So give them a chance. Put yourself out there. The good, the bad, and the ugly, be authentic. Don't just be another carbon copy of someone else. Show people exactly who you are, so the right fits can find you.

When you open up and put yourself out there authentically, you don't have to wait six months to find out something isn't a fit. You'll create a business you're proud of and a life you'll love right now. And that already sounds attractive, doesn't it?

Stand Out From The Crowd

Many people claim “this is my style”, “that’s just my choice”, “I’m not like anyone, it’s just my fashion”; but the truth is when they step out into the crowd, they just fade into the crowd. Why? Simply because there’s no distinction between them and the society. In other words, the society has found a cunny way of dictating the lifestyle of people, leaving them with the choice of toning it up or down.

In relationships, many people join the crowd just so they can join the discussion when friends are talking about their partners; they don’t want to be the odd one out. This has landed many people in grave trouble emotionally, academically, morally, and even financially.

Others date partners whose character they don’t condone; they choose partners based on the "societal credibility". Dating someone because you feel the people around you would respect, or accept you more just because you are dating a particular caliber of person is not just wrong but also considered sick. Further expecting such relationship to be long or constructive to their lives is pure fallacy. (This is why most celebrities are either breaking up now or divorcing later)

 

You need to be original in as many areas of your live as possible...especially your relationships! Who you choose to date; why you choose to date the person; why that time; what do you expect from that person and why you expect such from the person; what you hope to gain; among other questions.

Standing out for a belief or way of life has never been easy but always has its advantages at the end. You need to pay the distressful price just so you can have the treasured commodity. That’s the simple truth. Then at the right time, you would smile for been as patient and courageous as you chose to be.  

Break-up, Pain and Emotional Reaction

Disappointment and pain is linked to emotional numbness. A person can be hurt to the point in which they no longer feel anything.

It is guaranteed that there'll always be tough times in relationships; more like a fact. However, this doesn't have to be the decider of the result of the relationship. Mathematically, the out come of your relationship is based on 20-80 event ratio. 20% what happens but 80% is on how you respond.

In many relationships, 'emotions' is what gets you started but the reaction between you and your partner's habit is what keeps you going. Have you checked if the habits of the prospective partner are those you can get along with? Even when they get considerably off? Many people have loved and been hurt because the relationship didn't go as hoped.

The grand lessons are:

1. Do not start a relationship without proper and diligent consideration of the possibility of a long lasting relationship.

2. Do not start your relationship based on emotional feelings. Knowledge needs be in play mostly.

3. Do not stay at a spot in life crying after a unhappy relationship. Life is way too short to be crying over the jerk that broke your heart. When you realise that relationship wasn't how you wished, be grateful you could get the lesson experience just taught you.

4. Do not go about hating your ex. It would impede you from moving on. In fact, never blame anyone in your life. Good people bring you happiness, bad people being you experience.

5. Do not live your life seeking the validation of others. That is the best way to be likeable, charismatic and loved genuinely for you.

3 Questions to Get Your Relationship Back on Track

All long-term relationships go through difficult times. Whether you no longer feel any passion or all the passion you feel seems to be anger, you might lose perspective on why you are even trying to work things out. You might be on the verge of giving up.

Before you walk (or run) away, try balancing these struggles with thoughts about the positives in your relationship. To do this, consider the following three questions. They can help you to develop a more positive attitude about your present, past, and future together.

 

1. What makes you want to stay together?

While you could have called it quits by now, you haven't; and you aren't sure that you really want to (if you did, you wouldn't be reading this).  So, why is that? What makes you want to stay together? Think long and hard about this.  Your answer might be that you love each other; or that you have so much invested in your relationship that you want to give it every realistic chance. Whatever your reasons, talk about them together. Let them seep into your very being and inspire you to re-connect.


2. How have you managed to stay together?
If you are upset with your partner, you might be inclined to answer this by pointing to destructive ways of coping, such as leading separate lives or avoiding all conflict. However, you have no doubt also used some positive ways of coping. So, ask yourself what you do (or have done in the past) to keep enjoyment, appreciation, and a desire for your continued relationship alive. For instance, you might actively respect each other's thoughts and feelings, or one of you might walk away when things get heated – only to return to a calmer discussion later. You might also see your partner really trying to please you, which can help you stay invested in working things out during particularly frustrating times.


3. What makes you think you can find a way to continue being together?

Given that you haven't ended your relationship yet, you must have some hope for a happier future. Where do you find this hope? What do you see that makes you think that things could possibly get better? For instance, you might believe that your partner truly loves you and wants to find a way to make it work. You might also see that he or she is making earnest attempts to change.

If you have even a small reserve of positive feelings and realistic hopes for a better future together, these questions can help you highlight them. They can help increase your motivation to re-engage positively with your partner. Then, of course, it is up to you to act on that motivation and create the relationship that you want.

Desperate and Insecure

Uneasiness, worry, unwarranted concern and fear of losing your partner in a relationship all mount to insecurity, and possibly, acts desperation. The blunt truth is that those attributes alienate people and moves you a mile closer to losing your partner. Without trust, respect and understanding, it is very difficult to have a healthy relationship with anyone. Insecurities further reduce the chances of experiential intimacy both in communication and emotions.

Acts of desperation nauseates the other person and all he/she would want to do after some time is put an end to the relationship. Some acts of insecurity are either introduced indirectly as jokes or spoken bluntly; but in all cases, they end up been irritating even to neutral folks that notice these actions. You need to watch out for these actions and ensure you are not the one tearing down your ‘beloved’ relationship.

 

1. Getting competitive with your partner: This only shows how far from "in-love" you are. Genuine emotional affection leaves no room for intra-relationship competition. If you notice frequent comparisons intra-relationship, you should sit down and check the root of it.
2. Popping up out of the blue: Making it seem like a surprise but its actually to satisfy your curiosity of whether your mate is cheating on you. You need get a grip of yourself if you do this. In this case, not only did you entertain and nurture the thought but also acted on it a great deal – you didn’t stop yourself till you got over there and saw. Where's the trust? 
3. Violating your partner’s privacy: This is very common and is done under the charade of “keeping no secrets from your partner”. To start with, not all secrets are bad and everyone needs some privacy. ‘Alone time’ from his/her partner to breath and prevent been suffocated in the bubble of ‘relationship’ is healthy for relationships. When you find yourself snooping into his/her phone call log, messages, emails or appointments, especially when he/she is doesn’t know and won't appreciate it, then you are already stalking and that’s just irritating.
4. 
   Is your partner already asking for some space and time to be alone? You really need to check yourself if you haven’t been portraying some desperate attitudes. If you have been acting too clingy and needy, you need to know that is far from romantic.
5. How many call and text messages do you send? Especially when he didn’t replied the last ones you sent? Quite frankly, that has a 90% chance of annoying anyone. Its exploded desperation.
6. Experiencing emotional distress because your partner stepped out of the house: That’s just nauseating. He/she is been gone for less than a hour and your mind is already wondering about of his/her wear about not for safety reasons but because you think he might be with another man/lady. You need to take the chill pill.
7. Do you ask his/her close friend for your partner’s wear about, especially when you want to check if it corresponds with what your partner told you? Do you keep close friendship with your partner’s family so you’ll have updates of what going on in her life? If yes, that’s just sad. Your knowledge of his/her best friend or family isn’t for you to have a “hawk watch” over your partner. It falls under stalking.
8. Do you get home saying “You can’t guess how many men tried to hit on me today?” Well, if they include Brad Pitt and Denzel Washington, then maybe we can make it a subject. People that bring up such do so in order to present themselves more enticing to the world so their partner would act more desperate towards them. Whereas, that is a manipulativedesperate move!
9. How do you look when he/she is relating with the opposite gender? Do you make it an issue to ask “what was she/he saying?” after your partner returns? There are people that don’t react to their partner’s interaction with the opposite sex but wait for the next disagreement...It’s going to be one of the highlights! “I saw your face when you were talking to him/her”. It is funny to say but harmful to relationships.

If you’re too insecure and emotionally penurious, your partner would have a reason to leave. No man/woman should be the end of the world for you. If he/she goes, you’ll have another and even a person of better personality; therefore, no need to act desperate. On the hand, if your partner has been acting different in behaviour and less attentive to you, then you call his/her attention to it but not by stalking and snooping around in search “proofs” (that may not exist). If you’re right and your partner values you and the relationship you share, he/she would surely change.