Money in relationships

It is no secret that money has been the doom of many relationships. As the holy Bible says, “For the love of money is the root of all evil...” and another portion says “money answereth all things”.
Contradicting?? I doubt. Whether married or in a long-term relationship, improper handling or spending of money in a relationship has been the source of many arguments and conflicts of various gravity and inadequacy has robbed many relationship of fun and adventure in some cases or infliction of more problems in others.

Love is greater than money – at least that’s the way it should be. The mechanics of a healthy relationship should of course be love and passion, honesty and acceptance, communication and openness, friendship and attraction, compatibility and selflessness, faithfulness and respect, trust and the other good qualities you’re most likely listing in your mind as you read this. If we are both right, how come money had and has an extensive grip on most relationships?

The power and influence of money really transcends human’s primary conscious psychology. I mean we make many if not most actions with knowing it’s the money commanding and most times, the way we talk; our choice of words and manner of speaking is influenced.

Money doesn’t have to be the relationship wrecker if only we could

·         Freely talk about money

·         Handle money

·         Have right attitude towards money

·         And use money properly like it should be instead of it manipulating us.

For many, money creates fear, dishonesty and some other misbehavior because of how volatile it is.

Simple things can cause the biggest problems. Like?

1. Living above your earning isn’t a wise way to exist. It is necessary to be honest with yourself and then your partner/finance instead of been unrealistic...faking lifestyles. Never hide your debt because they might surface in the future of your relationship and look much uglier that when you made them.

2. Never attempt to get love with money. It cannot be overstated that money is volatile. If ever you make money the basis of your relationship, what would you do when it "goes"? Are you thinking now?

Yes money is important and can be used to express love. Ensure whoever wants you loves you for "YOU" and not basically because of your money.

Talking about money should be carefully approached and respectfully concluded.

Usually in a relationship, there is "plenty saver" and the "heavy spender". It isn’t wrong. However, when your partner overspends beyond your comfort level, it most definitely would scare you that you are gradually been dragged to a “breaking point”. This is when a sit down and re-evaluation is important.

"Love Don't Cost a Thing"?

“Love don't cost a thing” is a very common phrase and the truth is really it has become more lucid/silver-tongued these days. Hate to be the bearer of bad news but the cost of love is more that “a thing”. Let’s take it from the top; not everything in life can be rated in monetary value. If that were the case, some people would need so much so money to purchase love while yes, some wouldn’t need a dime.

You might come off on the note that you are talking about “REAL Love”…and of course that’s the focus here too. Real love lost patience, self-sacrifice, dedication, humility, tolerance and others…all which cannot be bought with money. If they could be bought, many people wouldn’t be having relationship issues. 
This is not to mention the effort required to keep communication at its best, dedications to retain the truthfulness and faithfulness, not to forget the ever emerging need to display acts of love.
If we can evaluate the cost of the afore listed necessities of real love, it'll be priceless! What is the point here? Love is priceless and when you are fortunate to get "real love", cherish it and never give up on it. Love is beautiful, golden, exciting, healing, strengthening, wonderful, energizing, invigorating and never you forget that when you get it. More importantly, never give away your priceless love to some not deserving it!

Money - Relationship Problem and Solutions That Can Save Your Relationship

Money problems can start even before the wedding vows are exchanged. They can stem, for example, from the expenses of courtship or from the high cost of a wedding. It is recommended that couples who have money woes take a deep breath and have a serious conversation about finances.



Problem-solving strategies

• Be honest about your current financial situation. If things have gone south, continuing the same lifestyle is unrealistic.

• Don't approach the subject in the heat of battle. Instead, set aside a time that is convenient and non-threatening for both of you.

• Acknowledge that one partner may be a saver and one a spender, understand there are benefits to both, and agree to learn from each other's tendencies.

• Don't hide income or debt. Bring financial documents, including a recent credit report, pay stubs, bank statements, insurance policies, debts, and investments to the table.

• Don't blame.

• Construct a joint budget that includes savings.

• Decide which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills.

• Allow each person to have independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion.

• Decide upon short-term and long-term goals. It's OK to have individual goals, but you should have family goals, too.

• Talk about caring for your parents as they age and how to appropriately plan for their financial needs if needed.

• You can spring for a cleaning service. If one of you likes housework, the other partner can do the laundry and the yard. You can be creative and take preferences into account -- as long as it feels fair to both of you.

Things You Have to Forget to Get Ahead 6

All that stuff for sale you don't need.

Too many people buy things they don't need with money they don't have to impress people they don't know.  Don't be one of them.  Stop buying stuff on impulse!  Avoid the mall!  The mall is not a source of entertainment.  It's a source of personal debt.  There's no reason to tease yourself by staring at a bunch of brand new junk you don't need.  And as you know, the novelty of a new purchase wears thin long before the credit card bill arrives.

So as I've said before, live a comfortable life, not a wasteful one.  Do not spend to entertain yourself or impress others.  Do not fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects.  Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you.

Some things are more important.

ON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"

DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?"

SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"

DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"

SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"

DAD: "If you must know, I make $100 an hour."

SON: "Oh! (With his head down).

SON: "Daddy, may I please borrow $50?"

The father was furious.

DAD: "If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $ 50 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

DAD: "Are you asleep, son?"

SON: "No daddy, I'm awake".
DAD: "I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier. It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $50 you asked for."

The little boy sat straight up, smiling.
SON: "Oh, thank you daddy!"
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

DAD: "Why do you want more money if you already have some?"

SON: "Because I didn't have enough, but now I do.

"Daddy, I have $100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you."
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness. It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $100 worth of your time with someone you love? If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family and friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.

Some things are more important.

Sharing What We Were Given

A father, one day, approached his young son who was eating a piece of cake which he had earlier given to him and requested him to share same with him. Strangely, the son refused bluntly. Unknown to him, the father had some honey in a jar which he kept out of view but intended to give to him had he obliged. He missed out the better and more profitable alternative because he was not prepared to part with what he had. How we miss better things when we refuse to share our modest blessings with others.

Three reasons account for why people now fail to share the riches they got in life:

1. Their refusal to act humane and see other people just like them suffering;

2. Selfishness to let go that which they possess for fear of exhaustion; and 

3. Fear of others becoming rich.

The natural man would count it unreasonable to share the little (and the last) quantum of possession that he has with another when there is no sure way of getting a replacement.

No matter how critical our situation may be, the solution to our problem all the time is absolute obedience to God's command and humane requirement of giving despite the prevailing odds.

Time, Energy and Money

Humans First

Take care of humans - family first!
Money comes and goes!!

Struggle..

Struggle is the food from which change is made, and the best time to make the most of a struggle is when it's right in front of your face.

Now, I know that might sound a bit simplistic. But, too often we're led to believe that struggling is a bad thing, or that we struggle because we're doing something wrong.

I disagree. I look at struggle as an opportunity to grow. True struggle happens when you can sense what is not working for you and you're willing to take the appropriate action to correct the situation. Those who accomplish change are willing to engage the struggle.

Life Counsels: Rich vs Poor

Many people are of the perception that for a community to be balanced there must be “the rich and the poor”. There should be some to call the shots and others to follow the instructions. It has been so for centuries and can be said to be as old evolution. 

It is true everyone can’t be equally rich or have the same strength of voice, but the rich and poor syndrome is increasingly causing greater destruction to the “humanness of mankind”. Mankind has always had some “reflex rules” that from memorial governs her lifestyle – making us different from (lower) animals. These tenets and codes are noticed in our actions, verbal communications, aspirations and achievements.  

Nowadays, self-centeredness, jealousy, hatred, addiction to power, psychological segregation and individual goals has made us less humane. By the observation of our daily life, it is plainly noticeable that the exclusive traits that made us desirable human beings are fading away. 

•The evil imaginations of man against fellow men are increasingly evil. 

•Our moral and ethical judgments are gradually been reduced to suite our unpleasant desires.

•Genuine social interactions are continuously scare and replaced by personal objectives.

•Humans now increasingly kill for sports, entertainment, greed and personal gains. 

•Science, urbanizations, politics and career are infecting the decency of humanity in a big way; they increase the “rich and poor” segregation.

This isn’t about the availability of more resources to some sect than the other but psychological degradation it is causing the humanity. It breeds negative effects from both the rich and the poor. 

BOTTOM LINE…whether you become rich or you are poor, remember to remain human.   

Life Counsel:Seize the Moments

No one's place in this world is guaranteed. Not everyone is going to get a happy ending. But life isn't about how it ends. It's about the moments between. It's about the small things. The way our loved ones laugh. The sight of a butterfly in the sunlight after a year or two in the darkness. The love and support of an old friend. They might not be with us in body, but they are with us in spirit. The feeling of something we'd thought lost to us forever returned in a single, life-changing moment. Yes, that is simple, even though it might be momentous to us as individuals. Because every day, on this planet, people are born and people die and stranger things happen. But I know my place now, and my purpose. And no matter what trial you have to endure to find that out...

It's worth it.

LADIES: Don't Get Married because...

Marriage is a wonderful union where even the ceremony makes some feel butteries in their tummy while tears drop down their faces. Isn’t that lovely? This same union is the gravest mistake some have made and end up regretting for a lifetime. You live life once, why do you want it to go down that path. If you threading that path, I’ll say don’t get married.

Don’t get married because…

• Your friends are getting married. Would you get a divorce too if they get a divorce? Just want to know if and where the solidarity ends.
• He gives the great feeling of love. “We met couple of months back but it feels like we’ve know each other for years”. Oh yea? It’s not about having a love bubble lasting longer than the common and then thinking that’s how it’s going to be forever but the compatibility you two shares on the long-run. Why not wait and discover more about him. I said ‘discover’ not ‘ask’.
• He is the closest you’ve on gotten on with on ‘long relationship’. Marriage isn’t just a long relationship but a lie time relationship. However long you your ‘long relationship’ is, it’s nothing compare to the lifetime journey. Therefore, it’s not the how long the relationship you’re having is but how well is it.
• You want to feel safe and secured. Trust me, marrying the wrong person would make you feel much less insecure than you currently feeling. Truth this; true security come from within. Look for that.
• You are tired of dating and you want to manage the person you’ve seen. It’s better to stay if you ever have this feeling. Give yourself the self-boost therapy because you seem to have some self-confidence missing.
• You’re feeling alone. Getting into activities, events, sports and been resourceful gives you next to no time to be alone. Alone time is that time you groom yourself to be someone a man would love and cherish.
• Your current relationship appears it’s the best you can ever dream of. Seriously? Then you a poor dreamer. You don’t “manage” a marriage; it’s like managing to exist for the rest of your life.
• A ring on that finger earns me maximum respect. Err… please see a counsellor to help build your self-esteem.
• Marriage would make you more principled. You’ve been pouncing from nightclub to nightclub that the party bouncers recognise you and now you think marriage is your best leash?
• He’s rich. Hmmm, that’s a passport to some shopping spree, parties, expensive vacation and definitely some “thick issues“ you’ll have to handle. It’s better to live in you built with him than a mansion he built for you to ‘move in’ to.
• You’re getting old and it’s just the next logical thing to do. It’s better to have a happy long premarital life followed by years of marital bliss than a short premarital life and long years of second guessing the concept of marriage just because you rushed in and out of marriage.
• You want to have a huge wedding ceremony. This sounds stupidly funny but many people indeed put more effort into their wedding ceremony than marriage. The ’wedding’ is just a ceremony; if it lasts more than a day, it won’ exceed a week. Marriage on the other hand last for pretty much a long time.

Avoiding Fights in your Relationship

Relationships have been analysed to have disagreements incorporated into it as a norm. This is quite understandable because two persons been together and taking decisions together doesn’t go as smooth as silk in comparison to how the movies parades. Here are some common ‘relationship disagreement’ themes and a way of getting them out of the way.

1. Money. Finances pull the most strings when it comes to playing the relationship chords. In other words, most disagreements are caused by money (especially in long relationships). How much is spent on what, what should and should not have been bought; is a partner been in considerate in his/her spending; does some spending pose threat on the future; and the list goes on. It is therefore imperative that a memorandum of understanding be reach concerning finances instead of running on assumptions. Find time to talk about money and how best it be spent towards the same goal.

2. The supposed bygones. Many incidents happen in life that individuals involved aren’t proud of. Everyone has his share of the cake when it comes to this. It’s certainly a tempting spot to hit during disagreements or ‘mood downtime’. Did the ugly patch occur before the relationship or during, you need let go and create a better future together.

3. Jealousy and suspicion. These two have the ‘relationship killing power’ because they blind the eyes of the brain from seeing useful reason that prove your spouse’s heart belongs to you. Most jealous moments are from the interaction of the spouse with an opposite sex you consider a ‘threat’. But remember one thing; so far your spouse started off with you in his/her right senses, which means he/she is with you because he/she wants to. Therefore, whatever you are jealous and suspicious about isn’t really as much of a threat as you might take it.

4. Sex. More often than not in relationships, there’s usually an imbalance in sexual craving and this in most cases leads to disputes. Sexual compatibility is really important to avoid discords on this issue and sitting to talk about it is the best approach. During this talk, compromise to adjust to your spouse is also crucial.

5. Communication. The importance of communication in a relationship cannot be underestimated. A healthy relationship needs effective communication (except they both can read minds). Inadequate communication signifies real issues in a relationship. To help your relationship, open your mouth to talk respectfully and listen carefully.

Spouses that do not have disagreements most likely aren’t really having a real relationship. However, in order for disagreements to keep you healthy, you should learn to FIGHT FAIRLY. Not pushing each other’s buttons so bad that the eventual fight would be greater than the reason for the fight. Avoiding the fight is better and wiser than preparing for the fight.

BAD ATTITUDES in relationships

“No one is perfect”. That is the popular word on the block when relationships run into bumps. If perfection is however seen as “faultless perfection”, then who is perfect?  

It’s an open secret that we all have faults and downsides, and every human being is unique with special properties and shortcomings. It is essential to recognise some shortcomings a mile away in relationships before actually running into them.

Take a step back and look at yourself; can you bear yourself if you were in a relationship with an exact you? Many say yes but the truth is no. For people with extremely good characters, having another “them” would be too perfect and obnoxious while people that have various bad habits would be too deficient and volatile to live with another “them”.

 

Focusing on bad attitudes

Some bad attitudes are annoying while others are very dangerous. Many people are lucky to discover some bad attitudes in their spouse before too long but give no heed to the warning thinking attitudes can be managed. Sadly they can’t! Behaviours can be managed but not attitudes.

Sofia speaks “...Sean and I were in the eight month of our relationship when I picked his phone to ring mine so it’ll ring out loud because I couldn’t remember where I placed it. As I picked his phone and was scrolling to select my name on his contact, he saw me and thought I was spying on him. There he said, with his most fearful face I had ever seen, ‘next time you pick my phone; I’ll break your hand’. I couldn’t imagine living with someone having that much anger that erupted within seconds and giving no opportunity for explanations.”

Lola speaks “…He complains too much…even for a lady!!”

 

Alex speaks “…she inflates every pain, discomfort and worry. When she had a little cut, I never heard the end of it till it was completely healed and she used it as an excuse not to do anything she doesn’t want to do.”

Grace speaks “…his car was scratched by another road user, nothing major but he wouldn’t let go. He was ready to fight a grown lady with little kids at the backseat of her car. When we left the scene, he also mentioned how displeased he was that I didn’t join his campaign against the defenceless woman.”

Desmond speaks “...she nagged so much for almost anything that goes outside her way or plan for hours. At the sixth month of our relationship, I couldn’t stand the imagination of the living hell of living with her for a lifetime. Just had to call acquits”

Bad attitudes are like flat tires. You can't go anywhere without changing them.

More often than not, approaching many people with the information “you have a bad attitude” in cases of ‘annoying attitude’ typically triggers a defensive response while people with ‘dangerous attitude’ might get angry or even harm the accuser.

Many people have the extreme nagging attitude, drama queen – self-pity, self-doubt, poor self-image, bullying and anger. All these attitudes individually sound bad not to mention bagging them at whatever quantity and bringing them into relationships.

Family, friends, negative environments, an unfulfilled life and discontented state can result to developing bad attitudes. None the less, a person who has discipline, heart, guts, strength, wisdom and determination can triumph above all.

No one can change you or change for you. You will have to do it for you.

In order to correct negative attitudes, understand your bad attitudes and what triggers them, change your mental state not only by positive thinking but positive words also, look for positive aspects of situations instead of dwelling on the negative.

Be at war with your vices; at peace with your virtues, and let every new day find you a better man.