NEVER, EVER PLAY MIND GAMES.

Jealousy may often bring out the worst side of people in a relationship. One of the worst things you can do is play mind games to make your lover come running back to you at a moment’s notice. This may seem like a quick fix, but it will put a strain on your relationship. How? It can break your lover’s trust in you, and due to the quick results, you may repeat this trick to get their attention again and again whenever you feel like your partner’s paying too much attention to another person.

DON'T SNOOP!!!

Everyone who snoops finds what they were looking for. If you think your partner is cheating and you hack into his/her Facebook, you will find some random message with an old female(male) friend that you could probably construe as cheating somehow. Just don’t do it. Even if they accidentally left their e-mail open on your computer and you’re drooling to read through it.

Don't!

RELATIONSHIP FACT

 Two = Company
Three = Crowd
Never forget!!!

Love when you’re ready not when you’re LONELY. 

The motive(s) behind your love always matter both on the short and long run. Believe it or not; wrong motives have lead many to troubles, emotional pains, physical/financial difficulties and even death!

This would also help you with the "type" of person you choose to end up with and give you reasons to fight for the relationship if/when it goes through hard times.

Most of all, its relationships that begin with good reasoning and bearings that actually lead somewhere in future and not heart breaks. 

 

 



Relationships: Direction or Speed??

 

What matters isn't how long you've been in a relationship but whether or not you're in the 'right' relationship.  Many single people are often overwhelmed by been single; and wouldn't mind been in a relationship with just anybody.  You should wait till you find the right person. A wrong relationship can cause so much destruction to your life and wellness balance.  Wrong relationship brings regrets and causes damage to your psychological and emotional being.   Desperation for "just any relationship" has even resulted in death - suicides and murders. Please be wise.

Relationship: While Stressing "Change" to Your Partner

When you try changing someone you claim to love, be ready for any of these predisposed responses. The person would ask:

1. Why is there a need for me to change, I am doing perfectly fine!

2. Why should you ask me to change, can’t you accept me as I am? 

3. Why should I change and even if I have, why should I listen to you?

4. Oh! Do you think you are God! Even God cannot ask me that!

5. Why should I change if I am not convinced there is something wrong about it?

6. If I have to change, only I shall decide, no one has the right to judge me.

7. I am open to change but only for someone who first accepts me as I am.

8. I would change only for someone who loves me blindly.

9. I accept changes but it would be tough as I was made this way.

10. Give me time, I am a not good at it! Etc. 

You may think, if a person loves you, he or she should use nice language with you and should not be a boozer or a gambler. However, for that person, love is only an expression of his/her self and his/her “self” already accepts abuse and boozing as acceptable things for his or her living's wellness.

If you attempt to reason it out with him or her that if he/she loves you, he/she should stop abuse and booze, he/she would first of all look confused. He/she would not even understand why you are saying this. Because, he/she (his/her subconscious mind), does not see any contradiction and conflict in it. Most likely, he or she shall take your words of reasoning as a threat to the balance of his or her wellness and would likely to go away. Nobody can compromise with his or her long preserved balance.

Actually, this person loved you because you fitted in his or her larger scheme of balance and wellness. Now when you have put up ideas, which disturb his or her balance, his/her sense of wellness is threatened and compromised. He or she is likely to stop loving you, or shall be unsettled and erratic in his or her action-behavior.

You Should Correct your Prejudice Against LOVE before Dating

Many people have usable relationships because of a pre-existing prejudice against love. Relationships have little or no weight because they feel no one can be trusted due to an experience from a powerful figure. 

Suppose a girl is raised by her mother in a single parent family, where she unconsciously was made to accept many negative ideas about her estranged father. As she grows, she is likely to have this in her mind that men are not faithful and she always need to guard her individuality. Irrespective of what is the truth about her father or the fact about men, she has to enter a love relationship with a neutral mind, never a predisposed or “affected‟ mind. A pre-inclined mind shall hamper her relationship with her man. Therefore, she shall have to unlearn her “prejudices‟ before she opts to have her own love life.

This preparation and ultimate readiness is crucial for success in love. In love, unlearning is always a better virtue than learning.

There are two ways of arriving at a blank or value-neutral mind.

One is you are born with. This is good but not desirable as it is animalistic and does not have a sense of distinction between different other levels of consciousness. Its sense of righteousness is very intuitive, confined to very restrictive instinctive definition of survival.

The other is a mind, which has been made blank by shedding, unlearning and unwinding the mind off all unconsciously acquired cultural elements of the consciousness and this is desirable as this mind has reached this stage after experiencing all shades of consciousness and consciously choosing to have a blank one, which is truly objective.

Men and Infidelity

Falling in love is the most wonderful and exciting thing ever, but women are frequently afraid of falling in love with a man because of the worry “he might cheat on me down the line”. Indeed, a cheating boyfriend/husband is every woman’s worst nightmare. If infidelity is often at the back of your mind, it’s now considered okay to say you are not been paranoid. Why? Studies and surveys have shown over 50-60% of all married men have an affair at least once in their married lives. There’s good news you have 50% chance a man might not cheat you. But still, with a 50-50 chance of infidelity poisoning your relationship in the future calls you to alertness.

There are basically three reasons a man might cheat on you. Understanding those might help you.

He wasn’t ready: This reason for cheating is entirely the guy’s fault. There are a lot of men out there who think handing a relationship is a piece of cake. But when the rigours and responsibilities of a serious relationship comes flying in, they turn around and run. Here they run craving their bachelor-single-unattached-free life. Never rush into a relationship because it takes so much to keep it going.

He got bore or unhappy: If he got bored or unhappy in the relationship, the woman 'may' have played a part it that. After all, it is important you do your part in keeping the relationship happy. A happy relationship entails two happy partners. The problem here is most partners sit and wait for the other to make the first move before they do their part. Do your part whether he’s doing his or not. That way, you don’t have yourself to blame when issues go out of hand.

He succumbs to pressure: Let’s be honest here, the entertainment industry, society and friends suggest it is “ok” if not “cool” for guys to have affairs. By accepting it as a norm due to it frequency, this is how every single one of us echoes the same sentiment. Some guys can bow to pressure of cheating just to ‘fit in’. It is crazy but true. If we accept it, then we must accept the heart-breaking consequences when it happens to you, your sister, daughter or friend. Speaking of pressure, the pouring pressure of relationship/marriage on a man can also lead to infidelity.

For unmarried folks, examine a typical case that occurs 7 in 10 chances. Within two weeks of the first date, they’re already going steady. Before the first month, they “sleep together”. Then just few months later, during the relationship, they start getting bored and unhappy, feeling stressed and later its bores down to venting frustrations at each other. Before you know it, they separate ways. Those that get married few months right after the “sleeping together” phase start witness fades in initial attraction and excitement…they also start feeling bored, unhappy, entrapped and that leads to arguments, disagreements, fights and eventually separate ways.

Lack of preparedness, boredom, dissatisfaction, peer pressure can be avoided by simply building your relationship on solid foundation. Then you are likely safe from infidelity. Remember the work of “relationship preservation” is continuous.

A Lady's Self-Discovery

Self-discovery is important for every young lady. It is self-discovery that makes you know what is good for you and what is not. Until you discover who you are, what works for you, who you what to be and how you wish your future pans out, you are still a “baby” irrespective of your age or displayed feminine features.

If you are yet to discover yourself, how do you know the man who genuinely deserves you? Discovering yourself would make you appreciate and cherish the “you” in you as a woman more than ever.

This surely isn't to make you pompous or unruly but make decisions that propel you to a better future and project you as a respectable woman.

***No man messes around with a woman who has discovered herself; for she is as a perceptive lioness. Patient, quick, smart, logical, intellectual, disciplined and always a beauty***

Genevieve Nnaji's Explanation for been single..

If we may, let's take a cue from Genevieve Nnaji who is yet to get married and explains what her
“As for marriage, it’s every woman’s dream to get married. We can’t lie to ourselves. I do want to get married but overtime I have had opportunities to get married but I realize getting married is not actually the problem. The problem is finding someone you are compatible with because I’m born Catholic, I’m raised Catholic, I don’t believe in divorce. If I get married, I really want to stay married and staying married is not an easy thing. It means you are completely in tune with your partner. It means you’ve found your soul mate because you’ll have to be able to stand a lot of disappointments that would definitely come but then again you have to learn to forgive.

For me, before I choose a partner I have to ask myself if this is the kind of person I would be willing to forgive no matter what when the time comes. If the answer is no, then that person is wrong for me. That person is not the person you want to get married to. If you know you can look into someone’s eyes and say yes, this is the most you can do to me. If you actually cheat on me the first time, I can find it in my heart to forgive you. If you can answer that question honestly and truthfully to yourself then you’ll know if that person is your partner or not. So compatibility is the word aside from the physical attributes that have to go with it.

I need to be comfortable because I’m a woman and I’m used to a certain lifestyle.”

criteria are for choosing her right partner, She said:

DON'T be SUSPICIOUS

Suspicion creates a form of doubt and negative image of the person that is suspected. It breeds worry and fear even if it lack an element of truth. When you become suspicious, it will affect the trust level of your relationship. Suspicions suck out the life and fun in a relationship. Many people have been wrongly blamed just because a previous suspicious act was not properly discussed. Don't create an avenue to be suspected rather discuss any issues that can lead to suspicion. Be open in discussion and avoid secrecy. It's that simple.

DO NOT dwell on RESIDUAL knowledge

A lot of us usually believe we have what it takes to handle our relationship in terms of knowledge and wisdom. But we often dwell on our residual knowledge and this will not help us. For us to experience bliss in our relationship, we have carefully outline this mistake in order to avoid it. We need more experiences and ideas from people who have practical and proven knowledge about relationships. Read books, attend seminars and listen to educative programs. This will equip you with the knowledge to handle your relationship.

 

Ask questions ...yes. But from reliable people and endeavor to provide the full context so your advisor would fully comprehend the situation.  

 

NEVER live a FALSE life

Many people live less than their true self by trying to be the perfect picture in other's frame just to please them. This will make them function less than their original self and regret it on the long run. A question to pounder on is "till when do you plan to keep up the lie"? Some lie about their finances, abilities and/or personality. This charade is purely dangerous and leads to a disastrous end emotionally and psychologically.  

Try to be yourself and live your best. It is better that you are accepted the way you are than to be accepted for who you are not. Don't make the mistake of living a false life, it shows you lack originality and stability.

Money in relationships

It is no secret that money has been the doom of many relationships. As the holy Bible says, “For the love of money is the root of all evil...” and another portion says “money answereth all things”.
Contradicting?? I doubt. Whether married or in a long-term relationship, improper handling or spending of money in a relationship has been the source of many arguments and conflicts of various gravity and inadequacy has robbed many relationship of fun and adventure in some cases or infliction of more problems in others.

Love is greater than money – at least that’s the way it should be. The mechanics of a healthy relationship should of course be love and passion, honesty and acceptance, communication and openness, friendship and attraction, compatibility and selflessness, faithfulness and respect, trust and the other good qualities you’re most likely listing in your mind as you read this. If we are both right, how come money had and has an extensive grip on most relationships?

The power and influence of money really transcends human’s primary conscious psychology. I mean we make many if not most actions with knowing it’s the money commanding and most times, the way we talk; our choice of words and manner of speaking is influenced.

Money doesn’t have to be the relationship wrecker if only we could

·         Freely talk about money

·         Handle money

·         Have right attitude towards money

·         And use money properly like it should be instead of it manipulating us.

For many, money creates fear, dishonesty and some other misbehavior because of how volatile it is.

Simple things can cause the biggest problems. Like?

1. Living above your earning isn’t a wise way to exist. It is necessary to be honest with yourself and then your partner/finance instead of been unrealistic...faking lifestyles. Never hide your debt because they might surface in the future of your relationship and look much uglier that when you made them.

2. Never attempt to get love with money. It cannot be overstated that money is volatile. If ever you make money the basis of your relationship, what would you do when it "goes"? Are you thinking now?

Yes money is important and can be used to express love. Ensure whoever wants you loves you for "YOU" and not basically because of your money.

Talking about money should be carefully approached and respectfully concluded.

Usually in a relationship, there is "plenty saver" and the "heavy spender". It isn’t wrong. However, when your partner overspends beyond your comfort level, it most definitely would scare you that you are gradually been dragged to a “breaking point”. This is when a sit down and re-evaluation is important.

AVOID playing the BLAME GAME

Blame does no good to a relationship or one's partner other than frustrate life out of them.

When you blame your partner, it shows that you are shelving your responsibility off you. More often than not, "passing the blame" game often lead to the development of a negative skill called nagging. Do not mistake "blaming" for "heated discussion" or "pouring out your heart as it is"...no!  Also, have it at the back of your mind that blames destroy relationships in bits. After the damage is done, you'll find it hard to believe the "blame game" did that much.

Be courageous and bold enough to be responsible for your actions. Also, rather than blame, mutually discuss any issues that can affect your partner or the relationship.

AVOID CHEATING on your partner

Are you considering unfaithfulness towards your partner? The answer is DON'T! Don't think about it, don't plan it...if possible, don't even joke about it. Cheating is commonly referred to as the act of betrayal or unfaithfulness towards your partner. Usually when you devote the emotional and physical intimacy meant for the person you are dating to another person, then its considered cheating. If any of the partners in a relationship were sincerely devoted to the relationship, none would allow the concept of cheating. Not for any reason.
Cheating destroys you psychologically without you knowing it. It makes you feel you can get away with it playing "emotional smartness" and have "options" but on the long run, you become addicted to it and hardly would be able to save yourself.
Just don’t think about cheating if you really want something from that relationship.

NEVER make a PROMISE you cannot fulfill

Don't promise what you can't bring to eventuality. Only say what is within your limit. As people seek to be loved or accepted in a relationship, they often tend to magnify their capacities. This is utterly wrong. You do not need to make false promises to people for the sakes of having their approval. This will only make your partner see you as a dishonest person and or feel unworthy with you.

In a bid to be accepted, do what you can do and promise what you can fulfil. Be it little, its better and you would be seen as a man/lady of your words in all aspects of the relationship.

Never expect EVERYTHING from your relationship

Failure to meet your expectations could bring about disappointments. A lot of people usually expect their partner to satisfy all their needs. For instance, your partner cannot give you joy no matter how caring or affectionate they might be. If your joy is not from the inside, no one else can make you joyful. Don't make your expectations "too" high. They are human and cannot meet all. But when you have fairly normal expectations, you won't have much of heartache or emotional trauma.

Remember, moral standard and high expectations are two very different things. You should compromise your moral standards because of a relationship. Tons of people that have done that regretted it on the long run. 

Communicate your FEELINGS.

Don't assume your partner would know how you feel. Many people think their partner should know how they feel, what they are thinking of and their mood. However, this usually does not work as we think. Unless you're dating a mind reader, you really should not make that assumption. You need to find the right avenue to discuss how you feel. Assumptions do not solve issues it... only compound problems.

Don't do it alone, INVOLVE GOD

If you really want that relationship to last longest, you need to go spiritual on it. It is believed that a threefold cord is not easily broken. Who you share intimacy with in your relationship determines the strength of your relationship. Most of us involve friends, parent or colleagues in our relationship but their contribution usually affects us negatively. When you involve God in the affairs of your relationship, He will give you the strength and wisdom to handle any issues. Don't believe you can do it successfully without God.