SOMETIMES; THEY NEVER CHANGE

“I know what I did was wrong, but it won’t happen again.” Except, this is the third time they have said this. What are you doing? Why are you listening to the excuses? Stop giving them the time to explain themselves. If they really cared, they would have never treated you like crap in the first place. You ever think about that? If someone cared enough to not risk losing you, he or she wouldn’t continually make stupid decisions.

Think and think again.

Your Relationship Right

So many people are in the wrong relationships. Most of them got into it after been deceived by the supposed partner while others just never expected the consequences to be as grievous as they getting it. However, the bottom line still remains: You are allowed to terminate a wrong relationship that is doing damage to you in any way - be it psychologically, emotionally, morally, spiritually or physically.

There are some relationships and partners that allows you/gives you the right to be "angry, selfish and unforgiving!" There are some levels that repairing the relationship would be the worst decision of life. An example is when the relationship/partner has the potential of taking your life. Forgive to liberate yourself but don't forgive to reunite.

You should not and do not have to tolerate abuses from anyone. And remember, whatever that "supposed partner" may say, its just to keep you bonded. Most abusers have been known to transfer blames to the abused in order to keep the psychologically tied down.

Do not allow yourself  to be used by anyone at anytime. Do not allow any make you feel inferior or less human. You deserve the best just like the happiest and most fortunate people.

#You have every right to be happy in a relationship.

#You have every right to take care of yourself in a relationship.

#You have every right to exercise that right once, twice and as often as you want to in a relationship.  

Stories and Incidents: Racism in the plane

A 50- something year old white woman arrived at her seat on a crowded flight and immediately didn't want the seat. The seat was next to a black man. Disgusted, ...the woman immediately summoned the flight attendant and demanded a new seat. The woman said "I cannot sit here next to this black man."

The fight attendant said "Let me see if I can find another seat." After checking, the flight attendant returned and stated "Ma'am, there are no more seats in economy, but I will check with the captain and see if there is something in first class."

 

About 10 minutes went by and the flight attendant returned and stated "The captain has confirmed that there are no more seats in economy, but there is one in first class. It is our company policy to never move a person from economy to first class, but being that it would be some sort of scandal to force a person to sit next to an UNPLEASANT person, the captain agreed to make the switch to first class." 

 Before the woman could say anything, the attendant gestured to the black man and said, "Therefore sir, if you would so kindly retrieve your personal items, we would like to move you to the comfort of first class as the captain doesn't want you to sit next to an unpleasant person." Passengers in the seats nearby began to applause while some gave a standing ovation.
** If you are against racism, share this. Side note/ fyi: Since sharing this we've come to learn that this is only a fictional story, but still worthy of posting.

This one the other hand isn't a friction incident. It rocked the global news waves strongly. That is Dasha Zhukova, a Russian editor-in-chief  a magazine editor who posted a picture of herself sitting on a black female model as a chair.
What message was she trying to pass across you make ask.  
Whatever may come across or pop into your head, remember human has a right good life. 

Young men, get a 'yes' text before sex

I was reading this article on the CNN website by Roxanne Jones, though long but quite resourceful. I'll share some cut out portions for you to ponder on hoping you can pick a thing or two.

"Watch out for the stupid girls," I tell my son. "They are trouble."

You know the type -- the party girls, the girls who thrive on attention. The girls who will do anything to get a guy to notice them, as the pop star Pink riffs on one of her best-ever songs, "Stupid Girls": "If I act like that, flipping my blond hair back, push up my bra like that ... that guy will call me back."

It seems nearly every week, we hear news stories about sexual encounters at parties where everyone is drinking -- and a young woman says she was raped, and a young man insists the encounter was consensual.

Make no mistake, no woman -- no matter how much she parties -- is asking to be raped. But too often when heavy drinking is involved, the meaning of consent can be misconstrued on both sides.

Never have sex with a girl unless she's sent you a text that proves the sexual relationship is consensual- Roxanne Jones

Let's face it, the sexual revolution is real -- but because we still fail to discuss sex and evolving sexual mores frankly with our sons and daughters, all this freedom has led to confusion about the ever-changing rules of engagement when it comes to sex. But one thing is a constant: When a girl tells a boy no, he must always believe her and stop.

But we need to do more work to teach our daughters that women also have an equal personal responsibility to respect their bodies. And true equality means that we are also held accountable for our actions. Partying and drinking until you are no longer in control of your body or mind instantly sets you up to become a victim of rape or bodily harm -- or even to die.

Nobody wants to be a stupid girl. It's time for us girls to smarten up. And it's time for guys to understand -- when a girl is way drunk, it doesn't make it open season on her. In fact, it's just the opposite: If she's falling down drunk, stay away, far away.

You can read the full article here: http://edition.cnn.com/2013/11/26/opinion/jones-sex-consent-texting/?iref=obinsite

 

Counsel: Sex, Appearance, Respect, Men and Ladies

Law of Attraction

 

It really is what it is. However people treat you, before blaming them, you need to conduct a self-evaluation.

Execute a comprehensive and honest self-check; ask yourself "Am I not responsible for the disrespect people throw at me?"

Why do "purpose-less guys" (hooligans and thugs) whistle/approach you on the street, look at yourself and check; "Do I present myself like an aimless girl?"

Is your boss pestering you for sex and related indecent interactions? Assess yourself - What am I doing that's making this man think so lowly of me?

(Probably by dressing, manner of speaking or places you go to)

90% of the mess we get are attracted by us!

A queen is awarded her respect because her everything demands it. That’s what she attracts to herself.

 

You want to be clean? Stop attracting the dirts

"Monster" Alert

Ever watch any of those movies where they guy badly ill-treats his girlfriend or wife? Not the usually “unaffectionate” partner but the ones that physically batters and humiliates the lady. I’m sure when it gets to the part where the guy gets severed; you nod feeling “that serves him right”. What many do not know or rather forget to put into thinking is that there are in reality men (or ladies in some cases) who are just like that. First question is “how did the partner get entangled in such a mess in the first place?” “Didn’t she see it coming all along?” “Does she just want to be in such dilemma?”

The truth is most “monstrous men” of such try to hide their psychiatric traits for the first couple of times and most ladies would be blinded by pretty face, classic restaurant, charade of gentleman acts and sweet words. Some partners even hide it well till after marriage! Look out before you become a victim. 

Dating Signs: During the initial dating session – first couple of formal outdoor meetings; 

• If he’s showing up late; he’s dressed too carelessly; lacks the enthusiasm; and doesn’t show you any special treatment/care as a lady, then you need to watch it. 
• If without consulting you, he chooses to take you to sport or play of pure violence during the first dates, then you are with the wrong person.
• If he shows any reservation in picking the bill at the restaurant, talks about his ex and uses obscene languages to describe her, then you probably should plan your future with someone else.
• If he appears ‘weird’ in any way, like talking about witchcrafts, deaths, horrors and related issues; please, politely cut the night short.
• If he’s not really asking you about your life (probably because he doesn’t want to talk about he’s life), then endure the boring night but take a taxi home. 

Post-dating signs: You might have probably missed the signs and said yes to having a relationship with him. If you notice the following, think of how to cut short your mistake and save your life.

• He throws up in extreme anger over a non-life threating situations.
• His family members and friends warn people (or you) about his anger.
• He speaks rashly to people (usually subordinates).
• Less and less attention is given to you after you choose to date him.
• He has a history of hitting ladies (ex-girlfriends).
• He exhibits terrible personality traits but acts sweet to you and wants to cement the relationship too quick (either by marriage or having you move in to live with him).

The type of men in these criteria isn’t those with little emotional baggage that can be fixed with ‘some spoons of love and cups of care”. Much greater “help” is needed to change them…by a professional. If you so choose to hang on with a man after noticing these signs, all the best to your endeavor.  

Bottom Line: Do not be desperate to date anyone one for any reason. Go into a relationship with your full senses watching for your well being. This is the only way you can avoid mid night cries.  

 

Identifying Sex Addiction. Are you...?

With “sex” been the order of the day on every medium possible, addiction is increasing without victims knowing. Sex addicts have somehow replaced emotional connections with the “fetishes” of sex.
When a person goes all about sex even when it brings public retributions to him/her which a nominal person would abstain from, then the urge has gotten to the addictive stage. 

Sex addicts put their jobs, families, public figure, health risk and many other things in jeopardy but still continue surfing the internet for porn materials, harassing and carelessly seeking affairs with neighbours and co-workers, revealing their bodies in public, masturbating and such with inability to stop. You want to know a sex addict?

1. Secret hideous sex lives: Having scandalous covert sex live isn’t just an attribute of a sex addict but a stimulator to getting more drenched in this disorder. Sneaking to masturbate, have affairs, visit nude joints or meet up with prostitutes are red flags. 

2. Uncontrollable masturbation: Some believe rare masturbation is not bad; however that may prove, masturbating when it has detriments that are serious but you still cannot stop yourself is definitely full blown problem. Many are always swamped with the thought irrespective of the place or time.

3. Porn addiction: Many also believe scarcely indulging in some pornographic video with spouse has its advantage, but when a person ‘has to intentionally’ interrupt an activity just to watch for the purpose of satisfying a sexual urge, then that is an addiction.

4. Zero interest in person after initial sexual experience: More and more people find themselves less and less interest in a person after they have had sexual intercourse with them; not because they discovered an habit that puts them off, but just because the sexual mystery is gone and it’s on to the next available person (victim). This is a textbook characteristic of sexual addiction.

5. Always sexually preoccupied: For sex addicts, every thought, action, communication, relationship and motive has sex all over it. 

6. Lack of satisfaction: many people in relationships misinterpret sexual addictions for the urge for excitement. You have everything going fine and partner spends quality time with you in bed but you still cannot restrain yourself from sneaking to prostitutes, having affairs with colleagues and related issues (for sex)is a clear sign you are an addict.

7. Belittle repercussion of hideous sexual acts: you have been warned officially at work, school, neighbourhood and religious centres but you just don’t seem to stop it. You might want to but not just able to…and you keep taking life treating risks just for sex; that’s definitely an addiction. 

8. You spy: Sex addicts intentionally wait and do things just to catch a glimpse of a neck person. Shame isn’t enough to stop you. Some keep stalking while others climb trees. This is common, sounds funny when the society talks about it but it’s a stone throw away from ruin. 

9. Abandon important tasks for sex: Many give up important responsibilities that shouldn’t be postponed for a chance to have sex. Addiction got to them.

10. Sex makes them feel accomplished: The reaction sex gives sex addicts is like making them feel ‘high’ and denying them the sex is like refusing them a life-saving need. That is addiction.

Life Counsels: Rich vs Poor

Many people are of the perception that for a community to be balanced there must be “the rich and the poor”. There should be some to call the shots and others to follow the instructions. It has been so for centuries and can be said to be as old evolution. 

It is true everyone can’t be equally rich or have the same strength of voice, but the rich and poor syndrome is increasingly causing greater destruction to the “humanness of mankind”. Mankind has always had some “reflex rules” that from memorial governs her lifestyle – making us different from (lower) animals. These tenets and codes are noticed in our actions, verbal communications, aspirations and achievements.  

Nowadays, self-centeredness, jealousy, hatred, addiction to power, psychological segregation and individual goals has made us less humane. By the observation of our daily life, it is plainly noticeable that the exclusive traits that made us desirable human beings are fading away. 

•The evil imaginations of man against fellow men are increasingly evil. 

•Our moral and ethical judgments are gradually been reduced to suite our unpleasant desires.

•Genuine social interactions are continuously scare and replaced by personal objectives.

•Humans now increasingly kill for sports, entertainment, greed and personal gains. 

•Science, urbanizations, politics and career are infecting the decency of humanity in a big way; they increase the “rich and poor” segregation.

This isn’t about the availability of more resources to some sect than the other but psychological degradation it is causing the humanity. It breeds negative effects from both the rich and the poor. 

BOTTOM LINE…whether you become rich or you are poor, remember to remain human.   

Dating & Relationships With Awareness

This video is one you should watch.

So helpful for dealing with:

- Abuses

- Taking control

- Getting over stale circumstances

- Dating right

- Dealing with breakups and many more

- Redirecting your relationship.

Life Counsel:...in a dungeon of despair

Vicki Duffy, born in 1968 in Pennsylvania, had a long claw of fate. She was molested by a male acquaintance of her mother at age five, physically and brutally abused by her elder brother from ages seven to 17, and compromised twice by an uncle at age 19. These violent and depraved abuses led her to a self- destructive behaviour, a life of utter confusion and feelings of great inadequacy. By age 25, she had injured her body through cutting and burning. She had over 250 scars from burns and cutting. One Sunday in March, 1995, she got some help. Somebody invited her to a church. For over 15 years, she had not attended any church. She was not quite sure about her spiritual beliefs, as she spent most of her life blaming God or questioning Him. But the moment she stepped into the church, she sensed something different. She asked God to make Himself real in her life. Consequently, she gave her life to Christ. Since then, she became more peaceful and able to think clearly.

With God’s help, she forgave all her tormentors and became a living testimony. She got completely healed, recovered and triumphant in every area. In April, 1999, she got married to a wonderful Christian man. 

Many have found themselves in a similar situation like Duffy. There is trouble on every side. People reproached them, assulting and harrassing them unduely. They are actually in a dungeon of despair. Determination to get out of such situation is the first step to all round restoration. 

Facing Relationship Doubts Together

Let's start with an ice breaker; the most perfect couples still have doubts right in their guts when and after they hit it off. On a more common note, we all have doubts regarding the best of idea, most unique of plans and even best of inventions. Throwing the weight of believe behind our uncertainty is what helps us through that phase; and later on, faith based on pervious success carries us through. This is just the same with relationships. The frequent reoccurrence of break-ups and divorce these days has increased this "curiosity". It's common and plainly natural to be curious about the feasibility of your relationship. However, there's a deadline to allowing these doubts in your head. When you having doubts for too long, its time for therapy.

• Start by accepting your doubts and fears. If you don't, there's a huge possibility the problem is going to proceed from bad to worse and end up ruining your relationship/marriage. There's a reason for every thought, why not go to the genesis of it all? Sit yourself and ask for the reasons behind your doubts.
• Next is talking it out with your partner. This phase determines if you would continue your relationship through the tedious path or bow out as graceful as possible. Are there reasons for your doubts (like cheating spouse, unaffectionate, inadequate devotion, difference in priorities, abuse/assaults and such)? Tell your partner and talk it through like ADULTS! 
• If you can't place your finger on any reason, just a hunch that has been in your eating deep into your head, then you need a self-thinking-restructure. This involves marking and focusing on the good attributes of your partner and relationship, possibility of improvement and also visualization of the eventual result. Talking to your partner about this won't be easy, but its a great necessity. Dish out all you have in your mind gradually, listen to the other side of it and most of all, believe the (re)assurances from your partner.
• What's next? Give it(your self rehab) continuous practice and time to change. If you put in substantial effort, a month is enough for noticeable healing and two for perfect believe in your relationship!

Please heed this advice: If your relationship has a solid foundation in friendship and caring, don’t wait too long to address problems. This common error causes many couples to part ways. Instead, trust in your love for each other.

Face your doubts together and nurture an even stronger relationship.

"He has never hit me before..I am so confused. What should I do?"

"I cannot forgive my boyfriend. I am 24, and he is 26 and we have a 2 year old relationship. He is very short tempered. He has never hit me before, but this beating that he gave me is just so terrible. He beat me to the extent that I went unclad in our compound, and everyone had to see my indecency. As I write, my left eye is swollen and I got discharged from the hospital yesterday. What should I do? I love him very much, but what I feel for him now is hatred. He has been apologizing since then, but I feel so bad for what he did. His parents, friends and pastor have been begging me to accept him back, but it seems so impossible. I am so confused. What should I do?"

CJ

 

 

Counsel: This shouldn’t be about giving him a second chance into to your life because the next disagreement might leave you dead instead of unconscious. A man hits you repeatedly; cares less about uncovering your nakedness; leaves marks on your face and body and you had to be hospitalized; that is more that losing his temper. He really should be locked up, and if you decide not do so, that should be the extent of compassion.

If his parents and friends want you alive, they won’t advise that. Tell his pastor the Bible says in Proverbs 22 verse 24 “Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go.”

There’s nothing confusing about this, expect he has hit the decision making part of your brain during the beat up. When people tell you “no man is perfect”, “every man deserves a second chance”, or “forgive and forget”; remind them those phrases are extended to humans (men), not anyone acting animalistic.

Dear CJ,

Pick yourself from this abuse and reorder your life. Pay more attention to the characters and words of whoever else you allow into your life. This incident didn’t occur out of the blue, you just didn’t note the signs it showed before time – how he talks and looks, attempts to terrify you and such. In clear words, a relationship with such being – as I find it hard and disgracing to call him a man- should not be an option for any decent lady.

All the best

Ways to Prevent Sexual Assaults

One in five women in this world now experience sexual assault. There are instances of mere coincidence and knowledge of these preventive tips would definitely help.  They include:

• Trust your instincts. Whatever assessment your first thought gives you, follow it. Does someone appear ‘off’ to you and your instinct tells you to keep off? There’s over 80% chance your instincts are right.
• 
  Defenceless victims are best preys for assaulters. It’s therefore necessary to have a backup plan when in unfamiliar environment, have a friend come with you to that party, be careful with your drinks –when you leave table and your drink, never return to that same drink – and accept no drink from strangers.
• Endeavour to be always aware of your surroundings. Many aren’t and fall victim of mentally sick individual in waiting to abuse them. When walking at night, try routing your movement around places with lights.
• When walking in remote areas, ensure your vision is not blocked by caps or hats.
• Carrying an item for self-defence isn’t extreme; it’s what the world now requires. If you do, ensure it’s an item you are well acquainted with so it won’t be used against you.
• Even when you’re scared and petrified, move with confidence! You feel you are been pursued, confront a pursuer! There’s a slimier chance you can outrun an assaulter. Depending on the situation, you can confront nicely (by asking the time) or aggressively (by taking a read to fight pose). Most attackers prefer to target victims who haven't seen their face.
• Remember that rape isn't just committed by strangers, but by friends, relatives, and even colleagues. Most victims are raped by people they trusted. Learn to recognize a potentially abusive relationship.
• Be careful around parking lots and parking garages at night. If you are in a parking lot and you feel someone is following you, start making noise - talk to yourself loudly or head back to the security of the facility you left.
• Scream!! Shout out loud and draw as much attention to yourself if been attacked. Attackers usually plan or visualize how they want the attack to go. Distort that idea and fight back like crazy person. Most of all do not think acting nice or begging would help you. It only empowers the assaulter.
• Never leave your friends alone and drunk.
• Never be left behind by your friends and tell other people where you are going.
• Be aware of public bathrooms in clubs and bars…women have been attacked in the ladies room if it
• is deserted.
• Think and practice being careful at dance clubs or other places with loud music, sometimes it is so loud that nobody will be able to hear you cry for help.
• Rehearse security cautiousness when going into your own home because people have been pushed in their own home and assaulted because they didn’t note the person walking close to them while opening the door.
• Avoid sharing personal details on the web. Keep personal information private. This is a big flop for many. In addition, you can never be too careful in meeting someone for the first time.

I got this off a site and loved it: Notice and leave identifying marks. A large bite mark on their face, punctured eyeball, deeply scratched leg, ripped out piercing etc. is easily identifiable, as are memorable tattoos, etc. Think kill. Go for weak spots like eyes (poke hard), nose (hard upward motion with the lower part of your open hand) genitals (grab really tightly and squeeze or punch hard) etc. to make sure the person's hands aren't free to punch or hold on to you and you can run for it.

Never give up without a FIGHT!