Love when you’re ready not when you’re LONELY. 

The motive(s) behind your love always matter both on the short and long run. Believe it or not; wrong motives have lead many to troubles, emotional pains, physical/financial difficulties and even death!

This would also help you with the "type" of person you choose to end up with and give you reasons to fight for the relationship if/when it goes through hard times.

Most of all, its relationships that begin with good reasoning and bearings that actually lead somewhere in future and not heart breaks. 

 

 



Relationships: Direction or Speed??

 

What matters isn't how long you've been in a relationship but whether or not you're in the 'right' relationship.  Many single people are often overwhelmed by been single; and wouldn't mind been in a relationship with just anybody.  You should wait till you find the right person. A wrong relationship can cause so much destruction to your life and wellness balance.  Wrong relationship brings regrets and causes damage to your psychological and emotional being.   Desperation for "just any relationship" has even resulted in death - suicides and murders. Please be wise.

You Should Correct your Prejudice Against LOVE before Dating

Many people have usable relationships because of a pre-existing prejudice against love. Relationships have little or no weight because they feel no one can be trusted due to an experience from a powerful figure. 

Suppose a girl is raised by her mother in a single parent family, where she unconsciously was made to accept many negative ideas about her estranged father. As she grows, she is likely to have this in her mind that men are not faithful and she always need to guard her individuality. Irrespective of what is the truth about her father or the fact about men, she has to enter a love relationship with a neutral mind, never a predisposed or “affected‟ mind. A pre-inclined mind shall hamper her relationship with her man. Therefore, she shall have to unlearn her “prejudices‟ before she opts to have her own love life.

This preparation and ultimate readiness is crucial for success in love. In love, unlearning is always a better virtue than learning.

There are two ways of arriving at a blank or value-neutral mind.

One is you are born with. This is good but not desirable as it is animalistic and does not have a sense of distinction between different other levels of consciousness. Its sense of righteousness is very intuitive, confined to very restrictive instinctive definition of survival.

The other is a mind, which has been made blank by shedding, unlearning and unwinding the mind off all unconsciously acquired cultural elements of the consciousness and this is desirable as this mind has reached this stage after experiencing all shades of consciousness and consciously choosing to have a blank one, which is truly objective.

Hard Relationships can Survive

Relationships are not always rosy. You may have some bitter moons. There are several situations in relationship that you can’t even describe in writing. Relationships can be confusing at times.

Lots of relationships collapse during the harsh seasons of building a family. But most relationships that are meant to be and diligently guarded last. Not everyone gives up. Not every relationship splits. They are strong. I believe yours is (can be) too! Strong Relationships have ingredients.

Consistent Communication, Patience, Faithfulness, Selflessness, Cooperation, Forgiveness, Respect, Understanding and consideration, Gratefulness, Contentment, Positive thinking and anticipation for a coexisting future.

These among others make up a promising relationship. Now that you them, go have a take at happy relationship.

Men and Infidelity

Falling in love is the most wonderful and exciting thing ever, but women are frequently afraid of falling in love with a man because of the worry “he might cheat on me down the line”. Indeed, a cheating boyfriend/husband is every woman’s worst nightmare. If infidelity is often at the back of your mind, it’s now considered okay to say you are not been paranoid. Why? Studies and surveys have shown over 50-60% of all married men have an affair at least once in their married lives. There’s good news you have 50% chance a man might not cheat you. But still, with a 50-50 chance of infidelity poisoning your relationship in the future calls you to alertness.

There are basically three reasons a man might cheat on you. Understanding those might help you.

He wasn’t ready: This reason for cheating is entirely the guy’s fault. There are a lot of men out there who think handing a relationship is a piece of cake. But when the rigours and responsibilities of a serious relationship comes flying in, they turn around and run. Here they run craving their bachelor-single-unattached-free life. Never rush into a relationship because it takes so much to keep it going.

He got bore or unhappy: If he got bored or unhappy in the relationship, the woman 'may' have played a part it that. After all, it is important you do your part in keeping the relationship happy. A happy relationship entails two happy partners. The problem here is most partners sit and wait for the other to make the first move before they do their part. Do your part whether he’s doing his or not. That way, you don’t have yourself to blame when issues go out of hand.

He succumbs to pressure: Let’s be honest here, the entertainment industry, society and friends suggest it is “ok” if not “cool” for guys to have affairs. By accepting it as a norm due to it frequency, this is how every single one of us echoes the same sentiment. Some guys can bow to pressure of cheating just to ‘fit in’. It is crazy but true. If we accept it, then we must accept the heart-breaking consequences when it happens to you, your sister, daughter or friend. Speaking of pressure, the pouring pressure of relationship/marriage on a man can also lead to infidelity.

For unmarried folks, examine a typical case that occurs 7 in 10 chances. Within two weeks of the first date, they’re already going steady. Before the first month, they “sleep together”. Then just few months later, during the relationship, they start getting bored and unhappy, feeling stressed and later its bores down to venting frustrations at each other. Before you know it, they separate ways. Those that get married few months right after the “sleeping together” phase start witness fades in initial attraction and excitement…they also start feeling bored, unhappy, entrapped and that leads to arguments, disagreements, fights and eventually separate ways.

Lack of preparedness, boredom, dissatisfaction, peer pressure can be avoided by simply building your relationship on solid foundation. Then you are likely safe from infidelity. Remember the work of “relationship preservation” is continuous.

Genevieve Nnaji's Explanation for been single..

If we may, let's take a cue from Genevieve Nnaji who is yet to get married and explains what her
“As for marriage, it’s every woman’s dream to get married. We can’t lie to ourselves. I do want to get married but overtime I have had opportunities to get married but I realize getting married is not actually the problem. The problem is finding someone you are compatible with because I’m born Catholic, I’m raised Catholic, I don’t believe in divorce. If I get married, I really want to stay married and staying married is not an easy thing. It means you are completely in tune with your partner. It means you’ve found your soul mate because you’ll have to be able to stand a lot of disappointments that would definitely come but then again you have to learn to forgive.

For me, before I choose a partner I have to ask myself if this is the kind of person I would be willing to forgive no matter what when the time comes. If the answer is no, then that person is wrong for me. That person is not the person you want to get married to. If you know you can look into someone’s eyes and say yes, this is the most you can do to me. If you actually cheat on me the first time, I can find it in my heart to forgive you. If you can answer that question honestly and truthfully to yourself then you’ll know if that person is your partner or not. So compatibility is the word aside from the physical attributes that have to go with it.

I need to be comfortable because I’m a woman and I’m used to a certain lifestyle.”

criteria are for choosing her right partner, She said:

Note To The Broken Hearted

Relationships go bad, people betray trust, some partners become unfaithful and occasionally, genuine love seem impossible to find.

On a brighter note, however hard and whatever turn life seem to have taken, remember life is seasonal. Everything is in constant change, nothing stays bad or good forever, it just constantly evolves & changes. Your pain won't be forever, your heart won't ache till you age, you won't be alone till you die...No.

The future seems so far away because time goes by so slowly. If you are faced with a breakup and you don't seem to be able to work it out, do not despair. The person isn't just the right one for you. Someone shouldn't need to be faced with your absence  to value your presence in his/her life. At such a time, the greatest pleasure in your life is doing what that Ex thought or said you couldn't do without him/her. The next best objective in your life should be to live an awesome life that ex would envy. Be happy and radiant.

10 Worst Feelings in a Relationship

Cheated on: Been unfaithful to is a common practice but the adverse effects emotionally and psychologically are still very pronounced. Been cheated on makes some people feel like they've been fooled, wrongly lead on. Others might feel they are at fault and didn't do enough of what's expected from a partner. Most times in this world we live in, it usually the fault of the unfaithful partner.

Over thinking: Many unexplained actions have lead to over thinking which makes many misread actions or words. Overthinking pops up when communication is poor between two partners. Over thinking must be reduced at all cost through the use of proper, respectful and frequent communication to convey thoughts, plans and incidents.

Lied to: Lies hurt too bad especially when they come from someone that is loved and respected. Many people are of the opinion you have to lie to a person you love because you love them too much to hurt them. Whatever would make you lie to your partner in the first place would most likely be something wrong. Instead of lying, identify the situation that'll make you lie and avoid it.

Heart broken: Been heart broken is an eventually pain from originates from cheating, lies, unfaithfulness and disappointment. Whenever you are in a heart broken situation, all you need remember is that broken hearts do mend...with time. 

Not cared for: After giving your heart, time, love and expectations to someone, feeling uncared for could really hurt. Love at a point needs to be reciprocal, and if this isn't the case in a relationship, the uncared for partner sees a hole in the context of the been shown. 

Losing: After its all done on you that you have lost the person you love either before or after a breakup, there is a traumatic effect you brain feels and it causes much of pain. Feeling of losing might be coming from loss of respect, attention and other relationship essentials.

Scared: Be scared isn't a positive feeling in a relationship. When there are problems in a relationship so much that a partner gets scared, the future of that relationship isn't looking good.

Led on: Feeling of pain due to loss of respect, self-esteem and affection after it become clear you're just been led on and the person didn't truly love you is psychological painful. It is much better to be very clear about a relationship just so you'll be on the same page with your partner.

Nervous: "Shaky" moments hit us all in life. The worst of this is when you get nervous with someone you actually love and care about when it comes to some specific issues.

Letting go: This is the crown of the painful feeling. However, for what its worth, you'll get over it.

Your Relationship Right

So many people are in the wrong relationships. Most of them got into it after been deceived by the supposed partner while others just never expected the consequences to be as grievous as they getting it. However, the bottom line still remains: You are allowed to terminate a wrong relationship that is doing damage to you in any way - be it psychologically, emotionally, morally, spiritually or physically.

There are some relationships and partners that allows you/gives you the right to be "angry, selfish and unforgiving!" There are some levels that repairing the relationship would be the worst decision of life. An example is when the relationship/partner has the potential of taking your life. Forgive to liberate yourself but don't forgive to reunite.

You should not and do not have to tolerate abuses from anyone. And remember, whatever that "supposed partner" may say, its just to keep you bonded. Most abusers have been known to transfer blames to the abused in order to keep the psychologically tied down.

Do not allow yourself  to be used by anyone at anytime. Do not allow any make you feel inferior or less human. You deserve the best just like the happiest and most fortunate people.

#You have every right to be happy in a relationship.

#You have every right to take care of yourself in a relationship.

#You have every right to exercise that right once, twice and as often as you want to in a relationship.  

5 Ways To Attract The Right People Into Your Life

Whether love life, business, or friendship — attraction follows pretty much the same rules. And they might not be what you think.Ready to finally start attracting the right people into your life? Follow these five tips:

1. Get clear on who you are, not who you're told to be.

So often, our desires are a lot more aligned with society's expectations than with what we really want. Is a good-looking guy or girl really your top priority? What about a sense of humor? Do you really want to work around the clock for that rich client? Or would a relaxed atmosphere with a little less money work for you?

2. Picture your ideal, and be specific.

You can't get what you want if you don't know what it is in the first place. Start thinking about the exact person you want to attract into your business or your life. Remember, you're the only one setting the rules here, so the sky's the limit. Be specific on everything from their secret passions to their inner fears. When you know what you're looking for, you're a lot more likely to find it.

3. Get really good at repelling people.

The most common barrier to attracting people into your business or life is trying to please everyone. If you're keeping everyone happy, then you're not being special to anyone. When you are authentically yourself, some people are inevitably going to be repelled. And that's a good thing. Once you start sending away the wrong fits, you're making room for the right ones to come in.

4. Let yourself be found.

Think of it this way: You're a lighthouse calling the ships in. If you don't shine your light bright enough, no one's going to be able to find you. So put yourself out there. Place yourself in situations where you can be found. Introduce yourself to everyone. Be as much of yourself as you possible when you first meet. Give the right people a chance to find you.

5. Be open to whatever comes along.

At the end of the day, business or love might not come in the form that we expected. But that doesn't mean that it's a bad fit. If you're putting yourself out there authentically, watch who starts coming into your life. Sometimes who we are attracting can teach us a lot about ourselves that we didn't know. And it might be a better fit than we expected.

At this exact moment, there's at least one person out there looking for exactly what you are. Whether it's a client, lover, or just a friend — somebody is trying to find you.

So give them a chance. Put yourself out there. The good, the bad, and the ugly, be authentic. Don't just be another carbon copy of someone else. Show people exactly who you are, so the right fits can find you.

When you open up and put yourself out there authentically, you don't have to wait six months to find out something isn't a fit. You'll create a business you're proud of and a life you'll love right now. And that already sounds attractive, doesn't it?

Disappointing Andrew

Andrew my boyfriend, now with an “ex” suffix was studying for his Master degree in order to get one of the best jobs in town and after which we could start talking about marriage - at least that was the plan.

Six years I loved him! I hoped and felt I had found the one.

I thought one day I’ll walk down and meet him at the other end of the aisle.

I wasn’t stupidly in love or living in a love bubble. No, not for six years.

I saw true love in his eyes just like Jesus saw honesty, dedication, selflessness and love in Judas Iscariot - before betrayal that is.

Andrew loosed his virtues and betrayed my trust.

He just wasn’t the same sweet guy I knew and loved spending my time and life with.

He no longer spoke to me like his angel.

He acted wrong and I pointed it to him just like we previously do, but his response was a declaration of war.

I wasn’t to speak to him in a tone that seems we were in a relationship, but rather like I was receiving a favour from him.

Next to no communication, minimal contact and absence of any expression of love pointed to that fact that I didn’t have his love again.

Andrew, oh Andrew, you have been said to cheating and now I see for myself.

Sadly it’s with the same girl I forgave you for betraying my trust with.

And what do you have to say for yourself?

Nothing but denial at an evidently exposed scandal.

Wow!! Just like Uncle Shaggy taught you in the song “Wasn’t me”??

It’s best to part ways with you now than later.

Guess what…

Now I can give some quality attention to Naeem, my cute crush.

Looking back makes me wise; looking forward makes me brave; looking down makes me humble; looking up makes me strong.

Before Dating, Remember..

Before you get involved with someone, a gentle reminder. No one's perfect, they have a past, they've made mistakes here and there, and they're going to mess up sometimes. They're not always going to know what to do or say, they're not always going to be able to understand you. But if you still want to be with them after they gave you reasons why you shouldn't be, then they deserve the best you have to give.

After Discovering Your Cheating Partner

Don't get down to that level; you are better off without him.

Due to the passionate love some people have towards their partner, they tend to "flip" at the shock of realisation that their partner is having an affair. Instead:

• Be grateful you found out the true person of him/her instead of been continuously fooled

• Plan a way to create a future with someone more deserving.

• Live a rather radiant life that when the unfaithful ex hears or sees you, it would inflict self pain on him/her.

A bad partner/relationship isn't the end of life for you. You can take some steps back, and more carefully choose the type of person you want to be with. Avoid the old mistakes and don't be in a hurry to "secure" a partner. This is the mistake many often make.

 

Desperate and Insecure

Uneasiness, worry, unwarranted concern and fear of losing your partner in a relationship all mount to insecurity, and possibly, acts desperation. The blunt truth is that those attributes alienate people and moves you a mile closer to losing your partner. Without trust, respect and understanding, it is very difficult to have a healthy relationship with anyone. Insecurities further reduce the chances of experiential intimacy both in communication and emotions.

Acts of desperation nauseates the other person and all he/she would want to do after some time is put an end to the relationship. Some acts of insecurity are either introduced indirectly as jokes or spoken bluntly; but in all cases, they end up been irritating even to neutral folks that notice these actions. You need to watch out for these actions and ensure you are not the one tearing down your ‘beloved’ relationship.

 

1. Getting competitive with your partner: This only shows how far from "in-love" you are. Genuine emotional affection leaves no room for intra-relationship competition. If you notice frequent comparisons intra-relationship, you should sit down and check the root of it.
2. Popping up out of the blue: Making it seem like a surprise but its actually to satisfy your curiosity of whether your mate is cheating on you. You need get a grip of yourself if you do this. In this case, not only did you entertain and nurture the thought but also acted on it a great deal – you didn’t stop yourself till you got over there and saw. Where's the trust? 
3. Violating your partner’s privacy: This is very common and is done under the charade of “keeping no secrets from your partner”. To start with, not all secrets are bad and everyone needs some privacy. ‘Alone time’ from his/her partner to breath and prevent been suffocated in the bubble of ‘relationship’ is healthy for relationships. When you find yourself snooping into his/her phone call log, messages, emails or appointments, especially when he/she is doesn’t know and won't appreciate it, then you are already stalking and that’s just irritating.
4. 
   Is your partner already asking for some space and time to be alone? You really need to check yourself if you haven’t been portraying some desperate attitudes. If you have been acting too clingy and needy, you need to know that is far from romantic.
5. How many call and text messages do you send? Especially when he didn’t replied the last ones you sent? Quite frankly, that has a 90% chance of annoying anyone. Its exploded desperation.
6. Experiencing emotional distress because your partner stepped out of the house: That’s just nauseating. He/she is been gone for less than a hour and your mind is already wondering about of his/her wear about not for safety reasons but because you think he might be with another man/lady. You need to take the chill pill.
7. Do you ask his/her close friend for your partner’s wear about, especially when you want to check if it corresponds with what your partner told you? Do you keep close friendship with your partner’s family so you’ll have updates of what going on in her life? If yes, that’s just sad. Your knowledge of his/her best friend or family isn’t for you to have a “hawk watch” over your partner. It falls under stalking.
8. Do you get home saying “You can’t guess how many men tried to hit on me today?” Well, if they include Brad Pitt and Denzel Washington, then maybe we can make it a subject. People that bring up such do so in order to present themselves more enticing to the world so their partner would act more desperate towards them. Whereas, that is a manipulativedesperate move!
9. How do you look when he/she is relating with the opposite gender? Do you make it an issue to ask “what was she/he saying?” after your partner returns? There are people that don’t react to their partner’s interaction with the opposite sex but wait for the next disagreement...It’s going to be one of the highlights! “I saw your face when you were talking to him/her”. It is funny to say but harmful to relationships.

If you’re too insecure and emotionally penurious, your partner would have a reason to leave. No man/woman should be the end of the world for you. If he/she goes, you’ll have another and even a person of better personality; therefore, no need to act desperate. On the hand, if your partner has been acting different in behaviour and less attentive to you, then you call his/her attention to it but not by stalking and snooping around in search “proofs” (that may not exist). If you’re right and your partner values you and the relationship you share, he/she would surely change.

Signs You’re In An Abusive Relationship

 Take the test below before you go!!

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Noticing and acknowledging the signs of an abusive relationship is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the following descriptions of abuse, reach out. Help is available.

There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most telling sign is fear of your partner. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner, constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-up, chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs that you may be in an abusive relationship include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation.

To determine whether your relationship is abusive, answer the questions below. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you’re in an abusive relationship.

Signs That You’re In An Abusive Relationship

Test Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings. Do you:-

Feel afraid of your partner much of the time?

Avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?

Feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?

Believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?

Wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?

Feel emotionally numb or helpless?

Test Your Partner’s Belittling Behaviours. Does your partner:-

Humiliate or yell at you?

Criticize you and put you down?

Treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?

Ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?

Blame you for their own abusive behavior?

See you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

Test Your Partner’s Violent Behaviours or Threats. Does your partner:-

Have a bad and unpredictable temper?

Hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?

Threaten to take your children away or harm them?

Threaten to commit suicide if you leave?

Force you to have sex?

Destroy your belongings?

Your Partner’s Controlling Behaviour. Does your partner:-

Act excessively jealous and possessive?

Control where you go or what you do?

Keep you from seeing your friends or family?

Limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?

Limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?

Constantly check up on you?

I hope you didn't have to say many yeses to those questions.

Confession of a Healing Heart

"I gave you my heart, 

told you that you were my world, 

I loved you with all my heart, 

but you gave up on our love. 

So why am here crying

when you're the one who lost a diamond? 

It may hurt now but I'm moving on, 

to a better place, 

where I'll meet someone knows how to love. 

I know God loves me, 

and He will send me someone that deserves me.

So I'll wipe my tears because from this moment on; 

the perfect love is on it's way, in a special delivery, 

with my name written boldly all over it"

Relationship Break-up as a Wake-up.

Contrary to common negative opinions and reactions to break-ups, there could be a huge positivity evolving your way.

Many people sit and cry, feel dejected and unwanted, begin a negative psychological painting of the world, and in all start hoping there's a chance to suffer through the cause of the break up. In other words, hoping and waiting for a "make up". This shouldn't be.

 

This is a time you should wake up psychological, physically, and in any other aspect. Its time you think how you spent your time, life and what you gained or lost during that relationship.

How can you be a better person?

What part of you needs improvement?

What did your 'ex' complain about and is it true?

What's the better picture of you going to look like?

How can you be that person?

Ask and answer such self-awaking questions, and then the break-up would be to your own advantage.

Never Say These Five Things to Your Ex.

Whether you were dumped, cheated or misled, there are some conversations that are unnecessary to have with your ex. More often than not, they end up been regretted actions on the long run. Do not do the following.

1. Don’t Send Mean Texts: Pretending you don’t care however he/she has treated you reflects back some of the pain you feel. On the other hand, when you send messages, texts or make calls to expound your ‘hurting’, it make he/she feel superior and psychologically helps them move on while you’re stuck.  So, don’t ever text him saying that you regret being with him; don’t ever text him in anger; and don’t call to give a piece of your mind. Make him/her think that what he/she does doesn’t bother you at all.

2. Don’t Ever Apologize: Unless you were the one that cheated or something, you have no reason to be sorry. If he cheated on you, don’t be sorry that he cheated on you. If he hurt you, don’t be sorry for being hurt. Whatever you do, do not apologize to him/her. Unnecessary apology makes it obvious you are yet to move on and you’re thinking about him/her.

3. Don’t Ever Hang Out With Each Other Alone/Intentionally: You guys are broken up. There’s no need to hang out anymore. For one, it could be really awkward. It’s going to be weird being with him/her and not calling each other babe or any of the nicknames. It’s going to be weird not holding hands or hug him the same way you used to. You might even be taken advantage of you and be used you physically and then you guys could go back to being strangers. Is that what you want? No. You don’t want to be used then forgotten.

 

4. Never Tell Him or Her “I Still Love You”: Usually, this doesn’t come to people’s advantage…especially when there are signs of an uninterested partner. They will make you believe that they feel the same way when in reality, they probably don’t. There is the high possibility of your partner confessing love for you but just to use you physically and mentally hurt you.

5. Never Tell Him You Miss Him: It’s human to notice and feel a difference/change in your routine of life. The person you speak to daily, laugh with and share your day with. However, you’ll adjust. It happens to everyone like that. There’s a reason for the breakup…look for way to rebrand and remodel your life. That’s the path to happiness.



"Arguments" in Relationships

Why do people argue at all? Guess it's to express personal opinion(s) and position. Millions of arguments on the surface of the earth are not necessary. Yes, we are all free moral agents ridden with individual points of view; however, resorting to arguments has become a second nature for people. 

If humans are that prone to arguments, how much more two people in a relationship. It is expected that couples would sometimes argue and be at logger heads.

 

However, there are some little things that you can and should let go even though you might be right. Most times, preventing a clumsy argument is smarter than winning it. Just like the proverb says "Wiser is the man that prevented a war than he that prepared for it." A country cannot simultaneously prepare and prevent war. Its impossible to bring peace when you have your mind ready for war. So is it with you relationship. 

Always try to take note of the feeling of peace inner your mind when all is at rest. That would help you identify what you are gunning for you are at the cross road of choosing between peace and argument.

 

An unjust peace is always better than a just war. And if you must go to "war" in your relationship, endeavour as best as you can to reduce the "fatality"!!

Guys, avoid causing this..

 

Have you broken a heart before? think back...

 

Some broken hearts never mend,

Some memories never end,

Some love never die

 

Never break a heart because of your selfishness, pride, or unfaithfulness.