While waiting for love

While searching for the "right one" to love and be your partner, you should not hesitate to make a list of what you want with your partner and do not settle for less. You need to be very satisfied indeed before committing

and this is not a warning not to commit yourself long engagements.

A relationship like this would always lead somewhere and it is not just another love affair.

An example of a sensible list is

(1) intelligence,

(2) connection,

(3) personality,

(4) smart and

(5) sexy.

Usually, you’ll find more lovely things than you “humanly” wished for.

You need to understand that in life also you find different kinds of love. For instance, the love you have for your parents is very different way from the way you love your wife. And then there is soul mate love which is all encompassing and beyond description or understanding. It is just pure love and emotion combined with caring and desire for each other, for it is never platonic in any way shape or form.

Two genuine lovers are in constant amazement of each other and can hardly believe their luck that the other one is in love with them. They cannot even think they deserved the other one and thus treasure each other beyond words. There is really nothing on this earth or in eternity which will be able to keep them apart or break them up.

You Should Correct your Prejudice Against LOVE before Dating

Many people have usable relationships because of a pre-existing prejudice against love. Relationships have little or no weight because they feel no one can be trusted due to an experience from a powerful figure. 

Suppose a girl is raised by her mother in a single parent family, where she unconsciously was made to accept many negative ideas about her estranged father. As she grows, she is likely to have this in her mind that men are not faithful and she always need to guard her individuality. Irrespective of what is the truth about her father or the fact about men, she has to enter a love relationship with a neutral mind, never a predisposed or “affected‟ mind. A pre-inclined mind shall hamper her relationship with her man. Therefore, she shall have to unlearn her “prejudices‟ before she opts to have her own love life.

This preparation and ultimate readiness is crucial for success in love. In love, unlearning is always a better virtue than learning.

There are two ways of arriving at a blank or value-neutral mind.

One is you are born with. This is good but not desirable as it is animalistic and does not have a sense of distinction between different other levels of consciousness. Its sense of righteousness is very intuitive, confined to very restrictive instinctive definition of survival.

The other is a mind, which has been made blank by shedding, unlearning and unwinding the mind off all unconsciously acquired cultural elements of the consciousness and this is desirable as this mind has reached this stage after experiencing all shades of consciousness and consciously choosing to have a blank one, which is truly objective.

Men and Infidelity

Falling in love is the most wonderful and exciting thing ever, but women are frequently afraid of falling in love with a man because of the worry “he might cheat on me down the line”. Indeed, a cheating boyfriend/husband is every woman’s worst nightmare. If infidelity is often at the back of your mind, it’s now considered okay to say you are not been paranoid. Why? Studies and surveys have shown over 50-60% of all married men have an affair at least once in their married lives. There’s good news you have 50% chance a man might not cheat you. But still, with a 50-50 chance of infidelity poisoning your relationship in the future calls you to alertness.

There are basically three reasons a man might cheat on you. Understanding those might help you.

He wasn’t ready: This reason for cheating is entirely the guy’s fault. There are a lot of men out there who think handing a relationship is a piece of cake. But when the rigours and responsibilities of a serious relationship comes flying in, they turn around and run. Here they run craving their bachelor-single-unattached-free life. Never rush into a relationship because it takes so much to keep it going.

He got bore or unhappy: If he got bored or unhappy in the relationship, the woman 'may' have played a part it that. After all, it is important you do your part in keeping the relationship happy. A happy relationship entails two happy partners. The problem here is most partners sit and wait for the other to make the first move before they do their part. Do your part whether he’s doing his or not. That way, you don’t have yourself to blame when issues go out of hand.

He succumbs to pressure: Let’s be honest here, the entertainment industry, society and friends suggest it is “ok” if not “cool” for guys to have affairs. By accepting it as a norm due to it frequency, this is how every single one of us echoes the same sentiment. Some guys can bow to pressure of cheating just to ‘fit in’. It is crazy but true. If we accept it, then we must accept the heart-breaking consequences when it happens to you, your sister, daughter or friend. Speaking of pressure, the pouring pressure of relationship/marriage on a man can also lead to infidelity.

For unmarried folks, examine a typical case that occurs 7 in 10 chances. Within two weeks of the first date, they’re already going steady. Before the first month, they “sleep together”. Then just few months later, during the relationship, they start getting bored and unhappy, feeling stressed and later its bores down to venting frustrations at each other. Before you know it, they separate ways. Those that get married few months right after the “sleeping together” phase start witness fades in initial attraction and excitement…they also start feeling bored, unhappy, entrapped and that leads to arguments, disagreements, fights and eventually separate ways.

Lack of preparedness, boredom, dissatisfaction, peer pressure can be avoided by simply building your relationship on solid foundation. Then you are likely safe from infidelity. Remember the work of “relationship preservation” is continuous.

Trust - Relationship Problem and Solutions That Can Save Your Relationship

Trust is a key part of a relationship. Do you see certain things that cause you not to trust your partner? Or do you have unresolved issues that prevent you from trusting others?

Problem-solving strategies

• First, be realistic. Thinking your mate will meet all your needs -- and will be able to figure them out without your asking -- is a Hollywood fantasy. "Ask for what you need directly”.

• Next, use humour -- learn to let things go and enjoy one another more.

• You and your partner can develop trust in each other by following these tips.

• Be consistent.

• Be on time.

• Do what you say you will do.

• Don't lie -- not even little white lies to your partner or to others.

• Be fair, even in an argument.

• Be sensitive to the other's feelings. You can still disagree, but don't discount how your partner is feeling.

• Call when you say you will.

• Call to say you'll be home late.

• Carry your fair share of the workload.

• Don't overreact when things go wrong.

• Never say things you can't take back.

• Don't dig up old wounds.

• Respect your partner's boundaries.

• Don’t be jealous.

• Be a good listener.

• Even though there are always going to be problems in a relationship, you both can do things to minimize marriage problems, if not avoid them altogether.

Finally, be willing to work on your relationship and to truly look at what needs to be done. Don't think that things would be better with someone else. Unless you address problems, the same lack of skills that get in the way now will still be there and still cause problems no matter what relationship you're in.

Money - Relationship Problem and Solutions That Can Save Your Relationship

Money problems can start even before the wedding vows are exchanged. They can stem, for example, from the expenses of courtship or from the high cost of a wedding. It is recommended that couples who have money woes take a deep breath and have a serious conversation about finances.



Problem-solving strategies

• Be honest about your current financial situation. If things have gone south, continuing the same lifestyle is unrealistic.

• Don't approach the subject in the heat of battle. Instead, set aside a time that is convenient and non-threatening for both of you.

• Acknowledge that one partner may be a saver and one a spender, understand there are benefits to both, and agree to learn from each other's tendencies.

• Don't hide income or debt. Bring financial documents, including a recent credit report, pay stubs, bank statements, insurance policies, debts, and investments to the table.

• Don't blame.

• Construct a joint budget that includes savings.

• Decide which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills.

• Allow each person to have independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion.

• Decide upon short-term and long-term goals. It's OK to have individual goals, but you should have family goals, too.

• Talk about caring for your parents as they age and how to appropriately plan for their financial needs if needed.

• You can spring for a cleaning service. If one of you likes housework, the other partner can do the laundry and the yard. You can be creative and take preferences into account -- as long as it feels fair to both of you.

6 Signs A Lady Is Immature

1. She chews gum everywhere: Even when Alex Fagusion, the former Manchester United coach was still active, he had limit of gums and where he chews it also. For heaven's sake, how on earth will a grown up lady chew gum like its a science competition? This is far from hilarious!

2. She's too gullible: Many people are been moved by the society, people or trend. However, gullibility is an offence! When you are easily tricked by men and cheated, then you start crying "all men are the same/wicked", please grow up... intellectually.

3. She takes you one step backwards: This stems from excessive bills she necessitate for her guy. She demands this and that, she's never satisfied, she takes anything that seems appealing to her from your apartment, she never shares in your dream, when you intend taking her out, she probably brings along her friends etc. How then will a guy plan well for himself?

4. She dresses almost unclad: Do they think they look more attractive, sexy and "marketable" when they dress almost unclad? "Let's call a spade a spade, such dresses make them look like a slot, prostitute and not a wife material." - Ebenezar Who told you that you'll easily get husbands when you put on such dresses? But, this however doesn't say one should dress like a beggar! Just a simple, classy but decent dress should do.

5. She uses fake/unknown identity to test her new Boy friend: This is common with teenage /young girls who don't want to miss-date (date a guy who flirts) or just to establish a trust on him. Girls who do this fall within the ages of 16-24yrs. They use/buy lots of sim cards, change voices to test their boy friend. Many go as far as getting another facebook identity to chat him up just to see if he flirts or not. Little do they know that these hide and seek game provoke mature guys/men who happen to be their boy friend.


6. She makes inconsistent decisions: It is often said, don't make a promise when happy and a decision when angry. She decides on this today but before Paul and Peter flies away, she's back to what she decided against. She however doesn't stop at that but changes decisions, makes promises but however return back to her former state. This isn't helpful in a relationship.

That's Simply the Woman Phenomenon

A woman is like an incubator;

she takes in whatever you give her, multiplies it and gives you something more.

You give her sperm, she multiplies it and gives you a baby

You give her a house, she multiplies it and gives you a home

You give her a word, she multiplies it and gives you a sentence

You give her groceries, she multiplies it and gives you a meal.

You give her frustration, she multiplies it and gives you hell.

That's just the phenomenon of a real woman.

We just need to..

We need to teach our DAUGHTERS the difference

between

the man who flatters her

and a man who compliments her.

A man who spends money on her

and a man who invests in her.

A man who views her as property

and a man who views her properly.

A man who lusts after her

and a man who LOVEs her.

A man who believes he is God's gift to women

and a man who remember a woman was God's gift to man.

We equally and importantly need to teach our sons to be

that kind of MAN

Stop Making Stupid People Famous

Err.. how else are we gonna say this?

Ok, let's try understand it like this. When someone is desperate for human attention and fame, there's the high possibility of indulging in societal immoral acts.

Over the social networks, some people - usually girls - upload nude pictures just to gain insane popularity.

 

Now, many actresses and so called entertainers compete among themselves on who can dress revealing the most - going almost naked. Some others just say things that doesn't edify the public - both young or old - all to gain popularity. This is noticed in different aspects and most be stopped.

 

Stupidity wouldn't thrive if we don't accommodate or entertain it. On the dangerous end, if we smile, joke, entertain or handle stupidity with levity, the younger generations would try improve our generation's stupidity and the implication would be grievous on the remaining morality in the Earth.

Be Sure You are Not Contributing To Societal Deterioration

Everyone desires to be admired. To this end, many people go to great lengths to achieve this life ambition. But what they fail to understand is that rather than just any personal effort, it takes sacrifice and selflessness to become a role model.

Furthermore, what are the virtues you are promoting in the society? You have to possess something to give before you can give...and most importantly, it better be something good! Else you'll be a virus to the society. You'll be someone the society is better without.

Sadly, that is the case with many politicians, musicians and artists, religious leaders and other public figures. Their personal lives, families and morals are nothing to write home about.

Bottom Line: What have you got to contribute to society? Does it bring a positive or negative change?

Your Life Is Simply a Gift! Why??

Many people are in so much unfortunate state than you are...and you need to put that in mind before you say, act or think in an ungrateful way.

 

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who died too young.

Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us is without sin and we all answer to one MAKER.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and thank GOD you're alive and still around.

 

Remember whatever you have can leave you...Your Life Is Simply a Gift

Controlling Your Head.

I don't think people understand how stressful it is to explain what's going on in your head when you don't even understand yourself.
Sometimes people try to expose what’s wrong with you because they can’t handle everything that’s right about you. You could unfortunately be in a relationship with someone who is nonchalant about controlling his/her mood and that literally 'drives you crazy'.

Therefore, never allow a person to get into your head and manipulate you. Your mood should never be influenced by anyone's actions. There are people who take great delight in annoying and irritating others. Some others just say or do things that would make you wonder if they have anything called brains in their heads! However they relate or interact with you, always remember NO ONE CAN drive you crazy UNLESS you give them the keys.
Bottom Line: Silence is still the best answer for Fools.

"Arguments" in Relationships

Why do people argue at all? Guess it's to express personal opinion(s) and position. Millions of arguments on the surface of the earth are not necessary. Yes, we are all free moral agents ridden with individual points of view; however, resorting to arguments has become a second nature for people. 

If humans are that prone to arguments, how much more two people in a relationship. It is expected that couples would sometimes argue and be at logger heads.

 

However, there are some little things that you can and should let go even though you might be right. Most times, preventing a clumsy argument is smarter than winning it. Just like the proverb says "Wiser is the man that prevented a war than he that prepared for it." A country cannot simultaneously prepare and prevent war. Its impossible to bring peace when you have your mind ready for war. So is it with you relationship. 

Always try to take note of the feeling of peace inner your mind when all is at rest. That would help you identify what you are gunning for you are at the cross road of choosing between peace and argument.

 

An unjust peace is always better than a just war. And if you must go to "war" in your relationship, endeavour as best as you can to reduce the "fatality"!!

Hidden Newness of Each Day

It is been said that "each day is a new beginning".

I believe that it is more realistic to think of every second as the possibility of a new beginning. We have the chance every second to choose to start afresh, and to leave the past in the past. We have the free will to choose how we react to ANYTHING that comes our way.

There will never be a better time than now to get beyond the poison of fear, anger, hatred, resentment, judgment, and regrets of the past that we hold on to.

Bottom Line: Start this second because later is an illusion that may never come!

1 Relationship Advice for Ladies ~ 2014

To all the ladies who are in a hurry to have a boyfriend or get married, a piece of advice of Biblical advice: "Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz". While you are waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for any of his relatives; Broke-az, Po-az, Lyin-az, Cheatin-az, Dumb-az, Drunk-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-az, Goodfornothin-az, Lazy-az, and especially his third cousin Beatinyo-az. 

Wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yo-az. 

3 tips to turn Resolutions into Reality

Making a list of resolutions? Or you have just that one thing you want to change or stop. You might have been having problems keeping to your 'resolutions', just follow these three steps for building positive habits. 

Start small

A tiny habit is easier to stick to.

Do you resolve to exercise more often this year? Start with just 10 push ups a day or a short jog around the neighbourhood — something so quick that there’s no excuse not to do it. Once a habit begins to feel natural, increase the amount of time or effort you spend.

Fit new habits together with existing habits

Choose a habit that’s already second nature, then schedule your new habit immediately after. Think about your own days: what existing habits can be extended or transformed?

If you’ve resolved to read more, place a book next to your cup of morning coffee. If you intend to brush up on a new language, stick vocabulary cards into your gym bag and take advantage of that post-workout jolt of energy. Existing habits can be a seamless gateway to new activities.

Practice makes perfect

You’ll probably need a few nudges before your resolution truly becomes second nature. Create checkpoints to help you stay on track: enlist a friend to keep you honest, set alarms throughout the day, or mark your successes on a calendar.

The more regularly you practice your new activity, the more quickly it’ll become a part of your life.

That’s it! Whether you want to learn a new language, exercise more, or become a better cook, the road to success is paved with small first steps. We can’t wait to be inspired by what you accomplish in 2014.

Happy New Year,

Happy New Year

You can't destroy the past, but you can create the future.

What you are is what you have been, and what you will be is what you do now. Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits. Hope that's not you..?!

New Year "Resolutions"

Koreans have a curious new-year custom. Desiring to forget unpleasant things and make a fresh start, each person determines what bad habits he would like to eliminate and what past deeds he wants forgiven. Then he writes the names of those evils on a kite and flies it high into the air. When it is almost out of sight, he cuts the string. As the “paper bird” takes a nosedive and disappears from sight, he thinks that all his faults and previous transgressions are forever removed.

Guilt of your wrongs isn't the same as changing your ways. There is need for an abrupt redirection in lifestyle and actions before you can make something productive out of your guilt. Have you offended someone? Guilt of your wrong is conscience speaking; getting up to make right the wrong is what would make the difference.

If indeed you are done with the past, the future has plenty of room for change. However, you need to be that change - in action...not just in words of making new year resolutions.

Holes Your bad habits Created

A boy was said to be a heartache to his father by being rebellious to his words. His father, who got worried, not for anything else, but for how the boy was destroying his own life, called him and said: “I want to show you what you’re doing to your life. I’m going to put a wooden post in our front yard. Every time you rebel, I will put a nail in this post. Every time you obey, I will pull out one nail.” The boy stubbornly replied: “I’m going to do everything I can to fill that post with nails,” which he actually did.

Within two months, he filled that post with nails. Later, he realised the damage he had done, not only to his own life, but also to his parents and decided to have a change of life. His father, as he promised, began to remove the nails one by one. When the last nail came out, the boy broke down in tears. His father astonishingly asked: “Son, why are you crying?” The boy replied: “I got rid of the nails, but I can’t get rid of the holes.”

 

Unfortunately, some people never get to the point of removing the nails. They never recognise the effect of their bad habits and actions. not only are such people destroying their lives, they are pulling down the people around them into depression, shame, disgust, sorry, pain and regret.

Different bad habits have different extent of damage. Drunk men are not only shame and dishonour to their wives but destructors of their children psychologically. Immodest women are the big contributors to wayward girls and skyrocketing immorality.

 

Bottom line: Whatever evil you indulge in, remember the consequences are viral; not only to you but people around you. Plus, even if you choose to amend your ways for the better, you can't reverse the "evil" effects you've had on other people's lives. Beware!!

5 Signs she’s In Love with Her Pastor

Pastors have the talent of influence and it comes at a cost because it can lead to trouble if it’s not handled responsibly. This is especially true for male pastors whose congregation is disproportionately comprised of women. Most of us have probably already read and/or heard about pastors who were caught having an affair with a female congregant. It’s no surprise, as the power of influence is much stronger than we are willing to acknowledge.

There are signs that you can look for in a woman who has potentially fallen in love with her pastor. Check out them out:

1. She quotes her pastor constantly, even in non- religious dialogue. Women who have fallen in love with their pastors truly cling on to his every word. Not quoting the bible; no, the pastor. They oftentimes quote him, even in conversation that has nothing to do with faith and/ or religion. If you find yourself knowing more about the woman’s pastor and her place of worship than you do about her, that’s a strong indication that she in love with her pastor.

2. She goes out of her way to please the pastor. Women who are in love with their pastor will do whatever it takes to please him. When the pastor has a birthday celebration, she brings the most expensive gift. When the pastor organizes a new ministry, she volunteers to run it. When the pastor asks for donations, she writes the first check. Her life is dedicated to making him happy at all costs.

 

3. She’s very sensitive to criticism of her pastor. A woman who has fallen in love with her pastor will not tolerate any criticism of him. She grows visibly upset with people who challenge him on his teachings — even if the challenge is warranted. When unpleasant rumors about him spread like wildfire in the church, she’s usually the person who does not believe it, even when there’s valid evidence to support the rumors.

 

4. She puts a lot of thought into her appearance for church. There are some women who are fashion savvy just because it’s a daily part of their lives. There are other women who aren’t fashion savvy but put much more effort into their attire for church versus their attire for the remainder of the week. These women also make sure their hair, nails, and makeup are up to par, as they want to make sure that the pastor notices their exterior beauty.

5. She expects every man she dates to be like her pastor. Women who have fallen in love with their pastor revere him as the “holy grail” of manhood. In their minds, their pastor is a good man to his wife and family; and he knows how to instill the same value systems that he upholds into other men. The woman who is in love with her pastor considers a perspective husband’s decision to join her church to be a deal breaker. If he, in anyway, believes the church is not for him, she does not find him worthy of dating and/or marrying.