Funke Akindele (AKA Jenifer) split ways with her husband Kehinde Oloyede.

Mr Kehinde Oloyede  breifly hinted the public by sharing the news of their divorce on his Facebook page and later deleted it. (He probably didn't want comments and messages of sympathy). He wrote:

"It’s with heavy heart that am announcing the separation of me nd ma wife Mrs olufunke akindele,we’ve both agreed to go our separate ways coz of irreconcilable differences.we still best of friends nd we 4ever remain gud friends."

I'm guessing that's what 'popular people' call 'Giving a public statement' on an issue. Little later he gave another piece, one I’ll say appears to be from his heart which states:

"Am doing just fine, gettn along without u,don't need u anymore in ma life.u d greatest mistake av made in recent time."

Funke Akindele and Kehinde Oloyede got married on Saturday, May 26th 2012. Guess that gives the marriage a lifespan of a year, a month and many days that almost makes another month.

Though we've seen and heard worse, marriages are however meant to last longer than that. I’m sure marriage is still a life time commitment.

To be honest, between you and I, considering Funke Akindele's exposure and the modern day take on polygamy, marrying Kehinde Oloyede hit me out of the blue.
I should state a disclaimer that the reason behind the divorce other than "they couldn't get along with each other" is unknown to me at this moment and my comments are based on the general speculations on the concept of marriage.

That been said, its very unlike that the reason(s) behind the seperation of these two people was/were(as the case may be) starring at them in the face before they tied the knot. Same is the case with many marriages around the world. With divorce rates are over 50%, let’s talk a little about selecting the right person to marry a long lasting marriage I mean.

I'll state five different ways to select a wrong person to get married to.

1.     When you’re focused more on chemistry of the bond than on the character of the individual, you are choosing wrongly. Yes chemistry is good and ignites the fire, but good character that you can live with keeps that fire burning. Many people get married when they are in the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love" often means, "I'm in lust". Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's character?

Of course you won’t be able to note all your prospective partner’s character, but there are some tattletales that give them away even when they are most careful trying to appear all good and perfect before you. Take note of them and decide wisely.

2.     When you choose a person that doesn’t understand you, your needs and moods, then moving forward is really a big mistake. Your unique need is to be loved, made to feel like the most important person in the world and what ever else you may want to add. But how would someone that isn’t on the same page with you emotionally tell when its time do the most good expected? How would someone that can’t “read” your mood detect your feelings and help you feel better?

3.     When you have different common goals and priorities in life, then you need to think again and think real deep. Let’s say for example a lady meets a man when he’s in the middle of traveling round the world. They both have the chemistry but after a month or two, he intends leaving for another location, possibly remote region that is different in almost everything. Whereas she loves being a chef aspiring to own her own restaurant.

Now, a marriage between these two would be a mistake. To avoid growing apart, they must both realize what they are individually “living for” and if they can do that together when married.

“Soul mates” are “goal mates”.

4.     When you decide to marry an individual shortly after getting “intimate”, then your judgment has over an 80% chance of been clouded. 

I am very aware we currently live in a world were zero intimacy (sex) before marriage is gradually becoming a myth which really shouldn’t be so. Intimacy before commitment of marriage mostly presents a big problem because it prevents full honest exploration of partner regarding important issues. It has never been a necessity to take a “test drive” in order to ascertain each other’s physical compatibility.

5.     When you get married to escape from personal problems, you have started on a wrong foot. Family or societal pressures push people to get into relationships. “There isn’t love even from family and supposed friends, and so I need a man/lady” is a doomed move. Many are unhappy with themselves and think marriage is the solution. You bring what you have to the table in marriage; and when you have something negative to give, it’s unfair to your spouse.

If you are unhappy with your life, fix it while you are single and then you’ll feel better without a sense of rush when you approach the garden on marriage. This would gain you more ‘points’ when you finally elope with your spouse.  

As a give-away, I’ll add this; never marry someone that is emotionally dependent on something else while trying develop another relationship with you. A person who hasn’t separated from his parents (in the case of men), or in love with another person isn’t a good choice. People get emotionally dependent of other things like money, sports, work, drugs, internet or even hobbies. Be careful to have a matured partner free from all these bonds before you even think of eloping with him/her. Else you won’t be the number one priority and that’s no basis for a real marriage.

I deem it necessary to repeat my disclaimer that none of the above could have been the case in the above stated marriage. The occurrence is just an event that should make us reflect on proper human relationship and choices during life-partner selection before getting married.

When getting married, move emotions out of play and let knowledge lead the way.