FAILED MARRIAGES AND BROKEN HOMES: episode 5

ARE YOU AFRAID OF HAVING A FAILED MARRIAGE LIKE YOUR PARENTS??

It’s alright to think and wonder how a relationship with some from a broken marriage would turn out because breakups hurt. People from broken homes have two choices. They could either be a better duplicate of their parents or learn from their faults and become a direct contrast of their relationship.

 

Every human being is unique and different in many ways and so is the union that proceeds from two people. I would state clearly that it is true; family, friends, environment and societal norms have huge chance of influencing our “psychological – human” interactions.

However, this can be overcome. Factors’ deciding the whether or not a child’s future relationship is going to be affected by his/her parent’s failed marriage are;

1. Extent of damage witnessed: How much of the parent’s martial degradation did the child witness is the question here. Studies have related the ability of an adult from a broken marriage to have a cordial intimate relationship to the age of the individual during his/her parent’s martial separation. The age/stage of maturity of the individual determines how much is remembered and imbibed. Many children from broken homes remember and register marriage to be arguments between parents, brutal attitudes exchanged during separation and in some cases the physical assaults suffered by one of the spouses (usually the mother).
2. Consequent life orientation: After the parental damage is done, the child’s perspective of life as he/she grows also determines whether such individual can eventually live up to breed a health relationship. This orientation is a factor of who the child grows up with, the virtues been instilled during child training, the neighborhood he/she matures in and finally examples seen around him/her. The viewpoint of life this individual has he/she grows determines the wishes, dreams and fantasies generated by the brain. These fantasies and dreams have a way of growing to a personal norm.
3. WILL: After a marriage with children has failed and been broken, in most cases, the child(ren) eventually leaves with the mother. After seeing the gross discomfort most mothers go through, some children make up their minds to have a better marriage. Although the will alone is not enough, it really counts though.
4. Individual’s ‘mental toughness’: Children generally have fragile psychological strength, and the childhood incidents encountered set precedence the emotional perspective to relative issue. This is the foundational reason why many ‘young adults’ don’t want to get married again. It has been set in them even though they might exhibit doggedness in other areas of life. Mental toughness can be improved by:

• LIVING IN THE PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCES: The pieces to the puzzle of your life are different to that of your parents. The advices and discouragement they had is different from what you live in now.
• TRUSTING YOUR WILL-POWER: You have determined to have a better relationship and life, Belief in yourself that you can and you shall. Reject any cynicism and visualize yourself with a happy family of yours.
• REFUSING TO DEMORALISE YOURSELF AFTER ANY FAULT: It’s human to make mistakes but sitting on your blunders forever isn’t going to help your self-esteem. However, don’t make excuses, make improvements.
• LOVING AND ASPIRING FOR HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP: You need to make warm, jovial and cordial relationship your irresistible desire.
• GROOMING YOURSELF TO BE BETTER: What are the faults you noticed in your parent’s marriage? Is it improper communication, absence of commitment, inadequate time to be together or lack of lasting affection? Work on them for yourself. Once you recognize the faults in their relationship, you find the right way around it and get it done well; this would help you overcome your fears.
• GETING A PERSON THAT SUPPORTS AND BELIEVES IN YOU: Surround yourself with people that trust and support you to have a good marriage. It’s important the person you eventual select as your spouse has this quality also. Some people create the storms and get angry when it rains.

 

You need to have it at the back of your mind that there have many people who are products of broken marriages and failed homes but turned around to have a great family. Therefore, you are not on a “mission impossible.”

Success in marriage is more than finding the right person: It is being the right person.