SETTING BOUNDARIES IN RELATIONSHIPS

In banks for example, there are rooms that are ‘out of bound’ to customers. “Staffs Only” is the sign on some doors. That is a boundary. Though some boundaries like country boarders are fun to cross; crossing others come with consequences. Personal, physical and emotional boundaries are not as fun to cross over. They actually need to be respected.  When boundaries are not respected in relationships, it could cause huge damage. Just like an ordinary friend kissing you. There’s a breach!!

Most people think setting boundaries when it comes to relationships only applies to whether or not to get intimate (or have sex as the case may be). It goes wider than that. There are interactions that occur before getting that level in even in an “intimate relationship”. Nothing you don’t want to happen should happen in a relationship and if you want to compromise on any set boundary, it should be personally decided.

Everyone needs boundaries to preserve a healthy sense of individuality within a relationship. You need to set your own boundaries and most importantly have relationships with people that respect your boundaries. This empowers you as a psycho-emotionally as person.

Different people in your life should have different levels of closeness to you. You most notice some already in your life and those are unconscious setting of boundaries you normally do. Your relationship with each person should have unique boundaries to that person. Is that a person you can hug, share phone with, or passwords? You need to know and put it firmly. It is noteworthy to mention that weak boundaries confuse people and messes up relationships.

After setting your boundary, communicating to your partner about these boundaries at respective areas of life would add great sense of understanding to the relationship. The only way you can let your partner know what you are or aren’t ready for is by openly sharing your feelings and communicating in an honest manner. This discussion would not be easy, but it’ll be worth it.