Love when you’re ready not when you’re LONELY. 

The motive(s) behind your love always matter both on the short and long run. Believe it or not; wrong motives have lead many to troubles, emotional pains, physical/financial difficulties and even death!

This would also help you with the "type" of person you choose to end up with and give you reasons to fight for the relationship if/when it goes through hard times.

Most of all, its relationships that begin with good reasoning and bearings that actually lead somewhere in future and not heart breaks. 

 

 



Relationships: Direction or Speed??

 

What matters isn't how long you've been in a relationship but whether or not you're in the 'right' relationship.  Many single people are often overwhelmed by been single; and wouldn't mind been in a relationship with just anybody.  You should wait till you find the right person. A wrong relationship can cause so much destruction to your life and wellness balance.  Wrong relationship brings regrets and causes damage to your psychological and emotional being.   Desperation for "just any relationship" has even resulted in death - suicides and murders. Please be wise.

DON'T be SUSPICIOUS

Suspicion creates a form of doubt and negative image of the person that is suspected. It breeds worry and fear even if it lack an element of truth. When you become suspicious, it will affect the trust level of your relationship. Suspicions suck out the life and fun in a relationship. Many people have been wrongly blamed just because a previous suspicious act was not properly discussed. Don't create an avenue to be suspected rather discuss any issues that can lead to suspicion. Be open in discussion and avoid secrecy. It's that simple.

DO NOT dwell on RESIDUAL knowledge

A lot of us usually believe we have what it takes to handle our relationship in terms of knowledge and wisdom. But we often dwell on our residual knowledge and this will not help us. For us to experience bliss in our relationship, we have carefully outline this mistake in order to avoid it. We need more experiences and ideas from people who have practical and proven knowledge about relationships. Read books, attend seminars and listen to educative programs. This will equip you with the knowledge to handle your relationship.

 

Ask questions ...yes. But from reliable people and endeavor to provide the full context so your advisor would fully comprehend the situation.  

 

NEVER live a FALSE life

Many people live less than their true self by trying to be the perfect picture in other's frame just to please them. This will make them function less than their original self and regret it on the long run. A question to pounder on is "till when do you plan to keep up the lie"? Some lie about their finances, abilities and/or personality. This charade is purely dangerous and leads to a disastrous end emotionally and psychologically.  

Try to be yourself and live your best. It is better that you are accepted the way you are than to be accepted for who you are not. Don't make the mistake of living a false life, it shows you lack originality and stability.

Stand Out From The Crowd

Many people claim “this is my style”, “that’s just my choice”, “I’m not like anyone, it’s just my fashion”; but the truth is when they step out into the crowd, they just fade into the crowd. Why? Simply because there’s no distinction between them and the society. In other words, the society has found a cunny way of dictating the lifestyle of people, leaving them with the choice of toning it up or down.

In relationships, many people join the crowd just so they can join the discussion when friends are talking about their partners; they don’t want to be the odd one out. This has landed many people in grave trouble emotionally, academically, morally, and even financially.

Others date partners whose character they don’t condone; they choose partners based on the "societal credibility". Dating someone because you feel the people around you would respect, or accept you more just because you are dating a particular caliber of person is not just wrong but also considered sick. Further expecting such relationship to be long or constructive to their lives is pure fallacy. (This is why most celebrities are either breaking up now or divorcing later)

 

You need to be original in as many areas of your live as possible...especially your relationships! Who you choose to date; why you choose to date the person; why that time; what do you expect from that person and why you expect such from the person; what you hope to gain; among other questions.

Standing out for a belief or way of life has never been easy but always has its advantages at the end. You need to pay the distressful price just so you can have the treasured commodity. That’s the simple truth. Then at the right time, you would smile for been as patient and courageous as you chose to be.  

Desperate and Insecure

Uneasiness, worry, unwarranted concern and fear of losing your partner in a relationship all mount to insecurity, and possibly, acts desperation. The blunt truth is that those attributes alienate people and moves you a mile closer to losing your partner. Without trust, respect and understanding, it is very difficult to have a healthy relationship with anyone. Insecurities further reduce the chances of experiential intimacy both in communication and emotions.

Acts of desperation nauseates the other person and all he/she would want to do after some time is put an end to the relationship. Some acts of insecurity are either introduced indirectly as jokes or spoken bluntly; but in all cases, they end up been irritating even to neutral folks that notice these actions. You need to watch out for these actions and ensure you are not the one tearing down your ‘beloved’ relationship.

 

1. Getting competitive with your partner: This only shows how far from "in-love" you are. Genuine emotional affection leaves no room for intra-relationship competition. If you notice frequent comparisons intra-relationship, you should sit down and check the root of it.
2. Popping up out of the blue: Making it seem like a surprise but its actually to satisfy your curiosity of whether your mate is cheating on you. You need get a grip of yourself if you do this. In this case, not only did you entertain and nurture the thought but also acted on it a great deal – you didn’t stop yourself till you got over there and saw. Where's the trust? 
3. Violating your partner’s privacy: This is very common and is done under the charade of “keeping no secrets from your partner”. To start with, not all secrets are bad and everyone needs some privacy. ‘Alone time’ from his/her partner to breath and prevent been suffocated in the bubble of ‘relationship’ is healthy for relationships. When you find yourself snooping into his/her phone call log, messages, emails or appointments, especially when he/she is doesn’t know and won't appreciate it, then you are already stalking and that’s just irritating.
4. 
   Is your partner already asking for some space and time to be alone? You really need to check yourself if you haven’t been portraying some desperate attitudes. If you have been acting too clingy and needy, you need to know that is far from romantic.
5. How many call and text messages do you send? Especially when he didn’t replied the last ones you sent? Quite frankly, that has a 90% chance of annoying anyone. Its exploded desperation.
6. Experiencing emotional distress because your partner stepped out of the house: That’s just nauseating. He/she is been gone for less than a hour and your mind is already wondering about of his/her wear about not for safety reasons but because you think he might be with another man/lady. You need to take the chill pill.
7. Do you ask his/her close friend for your partner’s wear about, especially when you want to check if it corresponds with what your partner told you? Do you keep close friendship with your partner’s family so you’ll have updates of what going on in her life? If yes, that’s just sad. Your knowledge of his/her best friend or family isn’t for you to have a “hawk watch” over your partner. It falls under stalking.
8. Do you get home saying “You can’t guess how many men tried to hit on me today?” Well, if they include Brad Pitt and Denzel Washington, then maybe we can make it a subject. People that bring up such do so in order to present themselves more enticing to the world so their partner would act more desperate towards them. Whereas, that is a manipulativedesperate move!
9. How do you look when he/she is relating with the opposite gender? Do you make it an issue to ask “what was she/he saying?” after your partner returns? There are people that don’t react to their partner’s interaction with the opposite sex but wait for the next disagreement...It’s going to be one of the highlights! “I saw your face when you were talking to him/her”. It is funny to say but harmful to relationships.

If you’re too insecure and emotionally penurious, your partner would have a reason to leave. No man/woman should be the end of the world for you. If he/she goes, you’ll have another and even a person of better personality; therefore, no need to act desperate. On the hand, if your partner has been acting different in behaviour and less attentive to you, then you call his/her attention to it but not by stalking and snooping around in search “proofs” (that may not exist). If you’re right and your partner values you and the relationship you share, he/she would surely change.

Stop Making Stupid People Famous

Err.. how else are we gonna say this?

Ok, let's try understand it like this. When someone is desperate for human attention and fame, there's the high possibility of indulging in societal immoral acts.

Over the social networks, some people - usually girls - upload nude pictures just to gain insane popularity.

 

Now, many actresses and so called entertainers compete among themselves on who can dress revealing the most - going almost naked. Some others just say things that doesn't edify the public - both young or old - all to gain popularity. This is noticed in different aspects and most be stopped.

 

Stupidity wouldn't thrive if we don't accommodate or entertain it. On the dangerous end, if we smile, joke, entertain or handle stupidity with levity, the younger generations would try improve our generation's stupidity and the implication would be grievous on the remaining morality in the Earth.

Never Say These Five Things to Your Ex.

Whether you were dumped, cheated or misled, there are some conversations that are unnecessary to have with your ex. More often than not, they end up been regretted actions on the long run. Do not do the following.

1. Don’t Send Mean Texts: Pretending you don’t care however he/she has treated you reflects back some of the pain you feel. On the other hand, when you send messages, texts or make calls to expound your ‘hurting’, it make he/she feel superior and psychologically helps them move on while you’re stuck.  So, don’t ever text him saying that you regret being with him; don’t ever text him in anger; and don’t call to give a piece of your mind. Make him/her think that what he/she does doesn’t bother you at all.

2. Don’t Ever Apologize: Unless you were the one that cheated or something, you have no reason to be sorry. If he cheated on you, don’t be sorry that he cheated on you. If he hurt you, don’t be sorry for being hurt. Whatever you do, do not apologize to him/her. Unnecessary apology makes it obvious you are yet to move on and you’re thinking about him/her.

3. Don’t Ever Hang Out With Each Other Alone/Intentionally: You guys are broken up. There’s no need to hang out anymore. For one, it could be really awkward. It’s going to be weird being with him/her and not calling each other babe or any of the nicknames. It’s going to be weird not holding hands or hug him the same way you used to. You might even be taken advantage of you and be used you physically and then you guys could go back to being strangers. Is that what you want? No. You don’t want to be used then forgotten.

 

4. Never Tell Him or Her “I Still Love You”: Usually, this doesn’t come to people’s advantage…especially when there are signs of an uninterested partner. They will make you believe that they feel the same way when in reality, they probably don’t. There is the high possibility of your partner confessing love for you but just to use you physically and mentally hurt you.

5. Never Tell Him You Miss Him: It’s human to notice and feel a difference/change in your routine of life. The person you speak to daily, laugh with and share your day with. However, you’ll adjust. It happens to everyone like that. There’s a reason for the breakup…look for way to rebrand and remodel your life. That’s the path to happiness.



1 Relationship Advice for Ladies ~ 2014

To all the ladies who are in a hurry to have a boyfriend or get married, a piece of advice of Biblical advice: "Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz". While you are waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for any of his relatives; Broke-az, Po-az, Lyin-az, Cheatin-az, Dumb-az, Drunk-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-az, Goodfornothin-az, Lazy-az, and especially his third cousin Beatinyo-az. 

Wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yo-az. 

5 Things A Man Should Think Of Before Having Sex

"Sex is thrilling, amazing and incredibly powerful. In fact, the drive for sex can make a man
insane. But as Spiderman’s uncle once said (I really love this quote and I use it all the time) “with great power comes great responsibility,” and with the manhood comes accountability."

Here are five things to consider before having sex: 

1) Why are you doing this anyway? Sadly enough, commercialized hip hop on the radio makes its billions by teaching black men to have sex with any pretty thing with a working vagina. The rule is that if she’s “fine” and she’s willing, then you’d be a fool not to take it. The sad part of this story is that a lot of brothers soon find that a toxic woman, even one with a beautiful smile, can make you wish you were never born. In additional to women who can be flat out evil and devious, there are others who are “walking public health hazards”. Everything that looks clean is not.  

2) Diseases are everywhere; when’s the last time YOU went to the doctor to get tested for STDs? Not just HIV, but Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Syphilis, Herpes, HPV and all the other things that can kill you? Are you really stupid enough to think that you can run through every woman you want and not catch at least two or three of these diseases (yes, even with a condom, since a lot of people don’t wear condoms when they have oral sex)? Everyone wants to blame gay black men for the fact that HIV rates among black women are through the roof, but an irresponsible heterosexual is far more devastating than a responsible gay man any day of the week.

3) Are you ready for kids? Newsflash: There tends to be a correlation between sexual activity and child birth. Babies are not delivered by Storks, they are delivered by baby’s mamas. Some people talk about “hitting that” and “getting it in,” as if there is no chance that this woman might eventually be running around with the your child in her womb. When you choose to sleep with a woman, you may be putting your life and your child’s life in that woman’s hands. This leads to our next question…. 

4) Would you want this woman to be the mother of your child? So, you’re about to plant your seed of life into the woman that you don’t know, don’t like and don’t want to hang around more than 10 minutes after the sex is over? Good choice. How about spending the next 30 years with this woman, as she conspires to keep you out of the life your child, sucks up a massive chunk of your paycheck and teaches your kids all the wrong values, with you being able to do nothing about it?

Your seed is valuable, and you shouldn’t share it with just any woman who opens herself up to you. You have to think about your future. Speaking of child support… 

5) Do you want to pay child support for the rest of your life? Let me answer that question – no you don’t. Terrell Owens once thought it was a GOOD thing that he had as many women as he wanted. Now, he’s slowly realizing that his blessing has turned into a curse. The man who once had money to the ceiling is now taking a bath in his own pity party. Terrell didn’t plan, and all the other dudes out there making babies like there’s no tomorrow will also expect someone to feel sorry for them years later when they are broke, busted and disgusted. The truth is that I don’t feel sorry for them, and if you make the same choices, the world won’t feel sorry for you either. 

Sex is thrilling, amazing and incredibly powerful. In fact, the drive for sex can make a man insane. Little boys have no business having sex with anyone, so when you share yourself with a woman in the future, you must make sure that you’re thinking like a man.

Sometimes...

6 Ways Ladies turn OFF Their Man

 

1. Sealing up your thoughts and instincts: Some women avoid communicating and expressing their feelings and thoughts. They expecting men to read their minds and guess their thoughts, which is not always possible. And when they fail they receive the cold shoulder for not playing the guessing game right. Nothing is more annoying for men then a woman who will just not say what she wants but expect you to read the 'signs'.

2. Assuming he knows your playbook: Another thing that really gets to men is some women assuming that men know what they want them to do. Saying one thing and doing just the opposite just confuses things even more for men. So, play it straight and just speak up, it leaves no room for miscommunication or misunderstandings.

3. Playing the 'spot the error' game: Some women equate men with being dumb, and that gets to men eventually...with time. Everyone makes mistakes, therefore, there is no need to constantly rub it in. It only makes you a nag when you are persistent on mistakes and can be really annoying.

4. Smothering him with too much attention: You need to remember that your guy has a mother and there is no need for you to play "mother superior". The key word here is "TOO" much attention; not saying you should give zero attention - else you'll lose him.

It's okay to comfort and be there for him, don't treat him like a child and smother to such an extent that it starts bugging him. You call him baby doesn't mean he is literally one.

 

5. Sharing too much information: Most men are not always comfortable talking about their problems, unlike some women who would go overboard sharing every minute detail with everyone in sight. Learn to exercise caution, and don't overshare. Learn to keep things to yourself at times, especially something that someone else shared with you in private. It will build trust and also encourage the guy to open up more.
Also, if you have just got to know the guy, there is no need to share every little detail with him. Learn to keep somethings to yourself and share only what is necessary.

 

6. Planning the future way ahead of time: Planning ahead is good and smart but learn to also live in the moment. While planning what to do on your birthday is okay, planning what you will do in your 50th anniversary while you are still dating will only freak the guy out. Learn to take small steps and enjoy the moment rather that fastfoward with an over active imagination. It would only leave your partner confused and spooked.

Shifted hips!

The society is gradually making her demands and people are running head over heels to meet up. The type of hair you make, eye lash fixing, cloths you wear, shoes you buy, designs on your face, and other bodily fixes are been corrupted.
Why not be you? Instead of trying to look like everyone else, avoid the public disgrace and be unique, simple, beautiful and radiant!

Attribute of a true relationship (12)-Originality

Get comfortable

You spend a few hours getting ready for your first few dates with a really cute guy, you try to order a salad or something light when he takes you out to eat and you check your makeup in a store window when he’s not looking. Sound familiar, ladies? Realize that you can’t keep this up forever and best of all, the guy you’re with isn’t asking you to. Just be yourself, you’ll be much more comfortable and your new beau will be able to enjoy you for you!

Identifying Sex Addiction. Are you...?

With “sex” been the order of the day on every medium possible, addiction is increasing without victims knowing. Sex addicts have somehow replaced emotional connections with the “fetishes” of sex.
When a person goes all about sex even when it brings public retributions to him/her which a nominal person would abstain from, then the urge has gotten to the addictive stage. 

Sex addicts put their jobs, families, public figure, health risk and many other things in jeopardy but still continue surfing the internet for porn materials, harassing and carelessly seeking affairs with neighbours and co-workers, revealing their bodies in public, masturbating and such with inability to stop. You want to know a sex addict?

1. Secret hideous sex lives: Having scandalous covert sex live isn’t just an attribute of a sex addict but a stimulator to getting more drenched in this disorder. Sneaking to masturbate, have affairs, visit nude joints or meet up with prostitutes are red flags. 

2. Uncontrollable masturbation: Some believe rare masturbation is not bad; however that may prove, masturbating when it has detriments that are serious but you still cannot stop yourself is definitely full blown problem. Many are always swamped with the thought irrespective of the place or time.

3. Porn addiction: Many also believe scarcely indulging in some pornographic video with spouse has its advantage, but when a person ‘has to intentionally’ interrupt an activity just to watch for the purpose of satisfying a sexual urge, then that is an addiction.

4. Zero interest in person after initial sexual experience: More and more people find themselves less and less interest in a person after they have had sexual intercourse with them; not because they discovered an habit that puts them off, but just because the sexual mystery is gone and it’s on to the next available person (victim). This is a textbook characteristic of sexual addiction.

5. Always sexually preoccupied: For sex addicts, every thought, action, communication, relationship and motive has sex all over it. 

6. Lack of satisfaction: many people in relationships misinterpret sexual addictions for the urge for excitement. You have everything going fine and partner spends quality time with you in bed but you still cannot restrain yourself from sneaking to prostitutes, having affairs with colleagues and related issues (for sex)is a clear sign you are an addict.

7. Belittle repercussion of hideous sexual acts: you have been warned officially at work, school, neighbourhood and religious centres but you just don’t seem to stop it. You might want to but not just able to…and you keep taking life treating risks just for sex; that’s definitely an addiction. 

8. You spy: Sex addicts intentionally wait and do things just to catch a glimpse of a neck person. Shame isn’t enough to stop you. Some keep stalking while others climb trees. This is common, sounds funny when the society talks about it but it’s a stone throw away from ruin. 

9. Abandon important tasks for sex: Many give up important responsibilities that shouldn’t be postponed for a chance to have sex. Addiction got to them.

10. Sex makes them feel accomplished: The reaction sex gives sex addicts is like making them feel ‘high’ and denying them the sex is like refusing them a life-saving need. That is addiction.

stories & opinions: Jealous ex-girlfriend sets rivalry ablaze

After reading the 'statements' from all three parties, I had to ask "is this really love?". Please read for yourself in case I missed something. 

The Commissioner of Police of the state, Mr. Mohammed Adamu described the incident as very unfortunate. “It is terrible that a girl because of jealousy would set another girl on fire simply because they are befriending the same boy.”

CP Adamu explained that on that fateful day, Cynthia had in connivance with another suspect, one Obiora Chukwuegbo stormed Chika’s home and set Chinwe on fire. It was only the assistance of  neighbours that Chinwe was rescued through the window as the fire consumed the room. She was said to have been taken to a private hospital before she was transferred to Annunciation Specialist Hospital  Emene, where she is still receiving treatment.

The boyfriend, Chika told Sunday Sun newspaper:

“I am a driver and I’ve been dating Chinwe for the past five years. We had little quarrel and we stopped dating. I meet Cynthia who is a prostitute and dated her for just one month. We separated one month after because at times she would be chasing me with a knife. I couldn’t bear it and so I went back to settle with my former girlfriend. Cynthia didn’t give up as she threatened that she was going to deal with us. She even threatened to pour acid on me.

Being a driver, I travelled the day Cynthia burnt my girlfriend. It was one of my neighbours that called me to say that my house was on fire and that somebody poured fuel under the door and it exploded and burnt my girlfriend who was sleeping in the room; that they have rescued her through the window."

“When I got home, I saw that all my property had been burnt to ashes. My girlfriend was hospitalized because she sustained injuries from the fire. But I am determined and I have promised God that with the condition of my  girlfriend that I am still going to marry her.”

The suspect, Cynthia, said

“I started dating Chika when he had misunderstanding with his former girlfriend, Chinwe. We dated for one month and then he told me that he was no longer interested in marrying me. Chika is owing me N12,000. When we had a quarrel, I did not threaten him with a knife. I only used the knife to deflate his tyres."

“I have quarreled with Chinwe several times. I sent her a text message to leave my boyfriend. Because she threatened  me, I also threatened her that she will never enjoy the relationship. I don’t  know anything about who took fuel to the house of her boyfriend and burnt  the house. On that fateful day, Chika called my phone at night and said that I should meet him at Emene junction. I was out waiting for him when the policemen from the State CID arrested me. I didn’t know anything about the incident. I only know we have traded words.”

When  Sunday Sun visited the victim at the Annunciation Specialist Hospital Emene:

“I am still shocked at what happened. I regret dating Chika as I have been turned to something else now. I saw  Cynthia Onah and  Chukwuegbo Obiora after they had poured  fuel under the door and fire was everywhere. I was calling him for help. It was when I was calling  for help through the other window that  I saw Cynthia Onah and Obiora Chkwuegbo running away and I was shouting for help until the neighbours broke one of the windows and carried me out from the window”,  she said.

“My relationship with Chika is over. I am in pains and agony. I didn’t know what to do. I was sleeping and suddenly I saw smoke and it exploded and caught fire. I could have been burnt to ashes if not for the neighbours who broke through the window and rescued me” she added

 

SETTING BOUNDARIES IN RELATIONSHIPS

In banks for example, there are rooms that are ‘out of bound’ to customers. “Staffs Only” is the sign on some doors. That is a boundary. Though some boundaries like country boarders are fun to cross; crossing others come with consequences. Personal, physical and emotional boundaries are not as fun to cross over. They actually need to be respected.  When boundaries are not respected in relationships, it could cause huge damage. Just like an ordinary friend kissing you. There’s a breach!!

Most people think setting boundaries when it comes to relationships only applies to whether or not to get intimate (or have sex as the case may be). It goes wider than that. There are interactions that occur before getting that level in even in an “intimate relationship”. Nothing you don’t want to happen should happen in a relationship and if you want to compromise on any set boundary, it should be personally decided.

Everyone needs boundaries to preserve a healthy sense of individuality within a relationship. You need to set your own boundaries and most importantly have relationships with people that respect your boundaries. This empowers you as a psycho-emotionally as person.

Different people in your life should have different levels of closeness to you. You most notice some already in your life and those are unconscious setting of boundaries you normally do. Your relationship with each person should have unique boundaries to that person. Is that a person you can hug, share phone with, or passwords? You need to know and put it firmly. It is noteworthy to mention that weak boundaries confuse people and messes up relationships.

After setting your boundary, communicating to your partner about these boundaries at respective areas of life would add great sense of understanding to the relationship. The only way you can let your partner know what you are or aren’t ready for is by openly sharing your feelings and communicating in an honest manner. This discussion would not be easy, but it’ll be worth it.