Marital Grips

During the wedding ceremony, it is a very common noticeable gesture to see the hands of the bride and groom into each other with the firmest grip ever, appearing like they would almost cut blood circulation from their fingers. On that day, it is so much attitudinal charade of ‘it’s you and me against them all’. Vows and commitments in air; adrenaline pumping slightly above normal; and worries of whatsoever that can be procrastinated till some other day get an express pass. I only wish those grips remain as tight a week, month, year and decade after wedding ceremony.

The world has gotten so used to the pop-culture ideal of love that it has lost the true essence of love. The entertainment industry is awash with this species of love with all its unrealistic images that have led to massive deception, frustration and disappointment. That not-withstanding, love remains one of the most potent forces that affect our lives. Contrary to beliefs, real love is work; it takes due time to understand, stand by, adapt to, improve on and cultivate. According to a researcher, most marriages go through at least three general stages of development:

• Romantic love;
• Disillusionment and distraction; and,
• Dissolution, adjustment with resignation, or adjustment with contentment.

Then first phase of marriage usually has couples caught up in infatuation and physical attraction. Subjects of concern like sacrifice, selfishness, expectations and crises don't come up - not yet. It’s when the honeymoon begins to wear off; yea, then these issues begin to influence and sway the relationship.

Daily-life stresses and other crises that require sacrifices to be made often occur, selfishness would need to be checked and given up, and expectations to be discarded or modified. This in most cases reduces the interest in spending so much time together, leading to less time in building the relationship, a reduction in a couple's sex life, and sexual boredom. Oops. At this point, “no one told me marriage gets somehow boring” syndrome sets in.  In this emotional uneasiness, the couple have the choice of either dissolving the marriage relationship; or it up to the fact that marriage doesn’t work itself and they fine-tune the relationship to grow towards contentment and satisfaction.

It hard going through this stages and this is when we know ‘what you made of’. While you walking through your new marriage, here are some things no one might have told you but really matter.

1. The little things matter. These things are so little but so weighty. Asking your spouse some simple caring question/showing concern, been late to dinners, some outdoor reactions among others. They could cause disagreements.
2. No matter how loosely he/she might talk about his/her family, families matter much more than you think. Don’t screw up dates with families or jump into conclusions based on how you perceive he/she would handle them. Couples often underestimate the role that each individual's family history plays. Study the history if possible.
3. Reaction to your spouse’s moments of emotional swings which may be caused by different reasons definitely need more caution than you think. When you notice this, tread cautiously. Talking about feelings, goals, and dreams for the future could help settle your spouse’s mind and enable sharing the problem at hand.
4. Showing appreciation should never be underestimated. Sadly, there are many spouses that compliment outsider better/more than their partner. Complements are key in relationships; their presence may not be continuously pronounced but absence is catastrophic.
5. Weighing in your partners opinion in whatever situation when you can is better than not. If situation permits you to ask for inputs before taking a decision, then you should. It has its special perks.