stories & opinions: Jealous ex-girlfriend sets rivalry ablaze

After reading the 'statements' from all three parties, I had to ask "is this really love?". Please read for yourself in case I missed something. 

The Commissioner of Police of the state, Mr. Mohammed Adamu described the incident as very unfortunate. “It is terrible that a girl because of jealousy would set another girl on fire simply because they are befriending the same boy.”

CP Adamu explained that on that fateful day, Cynthia had in connivance with another suspect, one Obiora Chukwuegbo stormed Chika’s home and set Chinwe on fire. It was only the assistance of  neighbours that Chinwe was rescued through the window as the fire consumed the room. She was said to have been taken to a private hospital before she was transferred to Annunciation Specialist Hospital  Emene, where she is still receiving treatment.

The boyfriend, Chika told Sunday Sun newspaper:

“I am a driver and I’ve been dating Chinwe for the past five years. We had little quarrel and we stopped dating. I meet Cynthia who is a prostitute and dated her for just one month. We separated one month after because at times she would be chasing me with a knife. I couldn’t bear it and so I went back to settle with my former girlfriend. Cynthia didn’t give up as she threatened that she was going to deal with us. She even threatened to pour acid on me.

Being a driver, I travelled the day Cynthia burnt my girlfriend. It was one of my neighbours that called me to say that my house was on fire and that somebody poured fuel under the door and it exploded and burnt my girlfriend who was sleeping in the room; that they have rescued her through the window."

“When I got home, I saw that all my property had been burnt to ashes. My girlfriend was hospitalized because she sustained injuries from the fire. But I am determined and I have promised God that with the condition of my  girlfriend that I am still going to marry her.”

The suspect, Cynthia, said

“I started dating Chika when he had misunderstanding with his former girlfriend, Chinwe. We dated for one month and then he told me that he was no longer interested in marrying me. Chika is owing me N12,000. When we had a quarrel, I did not threaten him with a knife. I only used the knife to deflate his tyres."

“I have quarreled with Chinwe several times. I sent her a text message to leave my boyfriend. Because she threatened  me, I also threatened her that she will never enjoy the relationship. I don’t  know anything about who took fuel to the house of her boyfriend and burnt  the house. On that fateful day, Chika called my phone at night and said that I should meet him at Emene junction. I was out waiting for him when the policemen from the State CID arrested me. I didn’t know anything about the incident. I only know we have traded words.”

When  Sunday Sun visited the victim at the Annunciation Specialist Hospital Emene:

“I am still shocked at what happened. I regret dating Chika as I have been turned to something else now. I saw  Cynthia Onah and  Chukwuegbo Obiora after they had poured  fuel under the door and fire was everywhere. I was calling him for help. It was when I was calling  for help through the other window that  I saw Cynthia Onah and Obiora Chkwuegbo running away and I was shouting for help until the neighbours broke one of the windows and carried me out from the window”,  she said.

“My relationship with Chika is over. I am in pains and agony. I didn’t know what to do. I was sleeping and suddenly I saw smoke and it exploded and caught fire. I could have been burnt to ashes if not for the neighbours who broke through the window and rescued me” she added

 

relationship mistake of the day 11

Manufacturing Assumptions unnecessarily

Wrong assumptions have the singular power of breaking relationship. What is nothing becomes an issue because some doesn’t think it wise to ask questions from his/her partner instead of making assumptions. Everyone is unique; do not apply the response of an individual to a situation to judge your partners.

Facing Fears of Rejection

Commonly as humans, it’s noticed our fears in life ranges from matters of the health to status, money, peace of mind, loss of youthful looks and existence among others.  Much observation has gone to our fear of rejection; relative to people’s perception about us.

It’s said that “Fear should keep us alert and safe - like the beam from a lighthouse warning ships of submerged dangers. But too much fear, like a super-beam of light blinding the ship's captain, can cause the loss of the very thing we feared losing”. Having too much fear in a relationship isn’t helpful all. You need to fix this; else you’ll always be searching for (non-existent) reasons your partner is leaving you…hereby pulling down your relationship.

• What gives you reassurance? People should not be your source of reassurance; because any "act" from them, even if it’s misinterpreted, it would leave devastating effects. Your reassurance has to come from within. Being religious and trusting in a higher power has really helped most sincere believers.
• Don't focus on how you don't want to be. Concentrate on how you want to be. Putting more attention on where you want to be helps you navigate your emotions and will.
• Determine the origin of your fear if you can. Do you have any idea how your fear of rejection began? It can be valuable to look to the beginnings of that old fear of rejection and then reorienting yourself from there. If for example your fears started at childhood, looking back should awake you that you aren’t a child any more.
• Constructive imagination plays a role in controlling our fears on the long run. Close your eyes and use your imagination to strongly rehearse feeling and acting differently in situations where normally you'd feel insecure.
• Being more confident in life partly means being less sure that you know what is going to happen (so you can relax and allow for the possibility of both bad and good outcomes). Relaxing with not knowing is the key to confidence and also to enjoying life.
• Always remember you would survive no matter what happens.  "What if he leaves me?"; "What if she rejects me?"; "What if everyone gives me an attitude at the gathering?" and other what if’s should be answered with “life would go on” and face your fear constructively.

If someone ‘rejects’ you, don’t inevitably feel it’s because you’re “unlovable” or “destined to be alone” - because what they’ve done is give you very clear feedback about themselves.

 

 

stories & opinions: Is he looking else where?

"My boyfriend and I have been going thru ruff times in our relationship. He tell me yesterday he want to work on us but see other females on dates and share phone conversations. I don't want this. He also suggest i try doing this also...I love him and want our relationship to work. What is a gurl to do."

relationship mistake of the day 10

Playacting you like things your partner likes

“Did you say jazz is your favourite? Mine too”, whereas it’s not. Just one question, for how long do you plan acting a lie. This is a widely practised error and it brings greater pain, because it’s after you can’t keep up the charade that the real you pops out and then you might get back to square one. You can find someone that’ll respect you unique attributes though different from he’s/her’s.

stories & opinions: Why do I love a married man?

I work with this guy whom I absolutely adore. He is 7 years younger than me and married. We have worked together for years and know each other pretty good. Our values and morals are almost exactly the same. Our logic is so similar it is really scary. About five months ago we started having an affair. There is a connection between us that I can not explain. The attraction is off the chart and its both ways. Do not get me wrong he is not a cheater and I know what you must be thinking. For several years I teased him because I knew he would not cheat and it was a challenge for me. Well I finally got him and its killing me more now than being rejected did. I told myself after I finally got him just once and we would never do it again. Well it did not work out like that. He really is a great guy and way too good for me. His wife has cheated on him several times but until the last incident he never would. I am open minded and I'm almost certain its just a mental thing for me. I know I really love him. I have just recently been trying to end things between us but its really hard. The reason I did is I'm afraid he will divorce her and realize he didn't feel the way he thought he did for me. Having him would be a fairy tale but my prince has another princess. I'm ashamed to admit it but the reason I ended it now is they just had their second baby and I'm scared he will leave her. Why am I so hung up on this guy? What kind of character flaw is it? Do I just like punishing myself and if that's it how do I stop? Our relationship is so much deeper than this. The connection is so real. Our coworkers have told us both they can tell we have strong feelings for each other by the way we look at each other. I need help before I ruin this guys life by not being able to say no. I'm 33 and have been married twice. The first was abusive and the second one developed a drug problem and would not get help. My head is sorta on my shoulders straight. I know people can convince themselves of almost anything so how do I convince myself I do not love him and get over it. Wait, he will always hold the key to my heart without a doubt. I told him once that I thought when everyone was born you were given half a heart. Your heart with have scar and many different features that reflect everything about you from morals, to what you enjoy doing, to values and just everything about you even your attitude. I told him ours was almost a perfect match and you never found that. Less friction in a relationship. How do I let my prince charming go? We have told each other we loved each other 3 years ago when he was separated from his wife the first time but after she got done with her boyfriend she wanted him back. He went for his son. I have let him go more than once and he always comes back, I try to resist but never do for long. If you love them let them go.

 If they love you they will come back and he has. He told me that it literally scared him from how we think alike. When he is acting funny all I have to do is put myself in his spot and I always figure out what is bothering him without him telling me. And he can read me even better than I can him. I am almost sure that sooner or later they will split anyway but not sure if I'll be around because we live in different counties. I truly love him and is it ok to just go for it and let it be his choice. I do love him enough to give up my happily ever after for him and I know I will never find this again in anyone else. It's rare. A guy that works with us tells me all the time we are the same. We love the same. By that I mean we put the other before ourselves. What do I do? I'm getting tired of worrying about everyone else and I'm about ready to try and claim what will complete me like no one else ever will. HELP!!

relationship mistake of the day 9

Misconception of point of views

Due understanding enables the inhabitants of planet Earth go along well; and when that’s missing, misunderstanding breaks out within countrymen, co-workers, family and friends.  Now, intimate relationships needs more and not absence of seeing things from your partner’s point of view.

Guys; She might leave you because...

Some guys get dumped for a rather obvious reason, though they would say "I didn't see that coming" or "I thought we were doing fine". Self-control is missing in the live of many and that repulse 'good girls' from them. Guys should watch out for these:

1. Just too dirty: You have hygiene issues, eat with your mouth open, occasional smelly breath not so cool acts in public. She never needs to mention but that's  just uncool! Smelly armpits and bad body odour is a social embarrassment to her and just damn repulsive!

2. Been all-knowing and all-perfect: Its hard to see though this flaw at the start because ladies could interpret that act as "just trying to impress" but when it comes to a some months after,  she's going to feel suffocated and irritated. You think you’re always right and want to have your way most of the times.

3. Being too time demanding: It holds no interest if you are always with someone...no time to create the "want" for you. You are clingy with no life of your own. There's no need to cut off your close friends so that you could spend all your time with her.

4. Zero adventurous: A text book man is good for only the first couple of months - if he lasts that much, after then, he's all boring! You didn’t complain, you didn’t argue and you didn’t take the initiative when it came to planning an outing. Instead of being an interesting and challenging guy, you were "baggage". A little mystery and surprise is always good if you want to hold on to your lady.

5. Being a "cry baby": Even during the relationship, though its expected to share pain and pleasures, rarely would a lady want the guy next to no "masculinity in thoughts". Always sobbing about life, situations, misplaced chances and misfortunes don't help.

6. Can't keep secrets: Its no secret many girls share secrets with girlfriends but for a guy, you're expected to do better.

7. Zero confidence: Low self-esteem kills and definitely can push a close partner away because it sucks when you with a man than isn't "societal-ly man enough". With looks, dressing, financial proficiency; there'll always be someone better and lack of confidence makes you poorer.

8. Or maybe she's not just your type: Many display a different versions charade just get someone to be with them. After a while of dating, the real picture comes out; there and then, the second thoughts begin. Better luck next time.

relationship mistake of the day 8

Zero Negotiation

What you want is what you want, no negotiation?? Hmm, relationships go well when two people get along; that’s why it’s called relationship. You are “relating”. Sometimes, you have to do things not because you love to but because your partner would be happy you did. Allowing your partner’s wishes to stand also shows you care and not self-centred.

Ladies: How to make him fall in love

After initial interaction and a couple others, there is the possibility of establishing a long lasting relationship between two people. However, for a lady, making this “possibility” an actuality after you have carefully desire the reality of this union needs proper approach.  While attempting to create this possibility, it is wise to scrutinise this individual for recognisable flags warning you if any.  

• Love yourself is primary. Anyone attempting to love someone else must love herself first.
• Be confident, but not a mess without him! Men are strongly attracted to confident women who know what they want and aren't afraid to get it! So give him reasons to admire you.
• Spend time together! If there's a mutual attraction to begin with, then the more time you both spend together will allow the two of you to become closer. He'll learn to love one-on-one time with you.
• Spend time with him but not at odd periods or excessive hours of the day. Sharing time nurtures the affection. Be cautious to notice there’s an invite - reciprocal action to your interest - though it might not be vocal.
• Instead of dwelling on your differences, focus on your similarities instead! While sometimes you can benefit from trying new things to impress your potential lover, just make sure you don't fake interest! He'll be able to tell straight away.
• Showing him that you rely on him (not TOO much) and allowing him to also rely on you will do wonders for your relationship. This way you allow the bond to deepen, opening yourselves up for love.
• Ensuring that you give your crush eye-contact encourages him to look you in the eyes too, therefore encouraging his brain to think about love.
• Whatever you are going to do to attract and invite a man’s love, do not overdo it. Disobeying this rule would boomerang causing a total turn or devalue you intentions.
• At a point, you need to be missed. This is when you withdraw a bit and invest your time in other things/people to pass your day. Not because you need/want to do the other things but because you creating that absence.
• There might be emotional rush and quick adrenaline flow pushing you to invite/allow physical acts; but slow and steady wins the race. You want the relationship to last? Then easy up!
• Do you feel the urge pour so much all at once and anxious to share many things about you. Its better you keep some for later. Let there be some mystery. 
• Yes its true love never returns to you void; however, you have to love to get love. The more the reason it is imperative your feelings and desires are true, sincere and not divided.
• Friendship is crucial before relationships. You need to be friends and keep been good friends.
• Learn to feed your man! A potential woman can do that conveniently.

relationship mistake of the day 7

Not Being on the Same Page

“I think I love him/her more than he/she loves me” is a very common infection in relationships. It comes from not getting expected affections from the partner. This is the origin of doubt and it’s paramount this issue is dealt with by opening up in words and actions. Explain what you noticed and what you expected.

relationship mistake of the day 6

Dating someone you are publicly embarrassed of

A lot of people so much desist been single for too long and so when its getting "long", the don't mind 'anyone'. Don't sell yourself short just because you're afraid of being alone. You owe it to yourself to have someone you proud of. Its more pitiful when you with someone you really don't want to be with.

Life Counsel:...in a dungeon of despair

Vicki Duffy, born in 1968 in Pennsylvania, had a long claw of fate. She was molested by a male acquaintance of her mother at age five, physically and brutally abused by her elder brother from ages seven to 17, and compromised twice by an uncle at age 19. These violent and depraved abuses led her to a self- destructive behaviour, a life of utter confusion and feelings of great inadequacy. By age 25, she had injured her body through cutting and burning. She had over 250 scars from burns and cutting. One Sunday in March, 1995, she got some help. Somebody invited her to a church. For over 15 years, she had not attended any church. She was not quite sure about her spiritual beliefs, as she spent most of her life blaming God or questioning Him. But the moment she stepped into the church, she sensed something different. She asked God to make Himself real in her life. Consequently, she gave her life to Christ. Since then, she became more peaceful and able to think clearly.

With God’s help, she forgave all her tormentors and became a living testimony. She got completely healed, recovered and triumphant in every area. In April, 1999, she got married to a wonderful Christian man. 

Many have found themselves in a similar situation like Duffy. There is trouble on every side. People reproached them, assulting and harrassing them unduely. They are actually in a dungeon of despair. Determination to get out of such situation is the first step to all round restoration. 

relationship mistake of the day 5

Dispute due to absence of romance

For reasons best to you, there may be absence of romance and that isn't the end of the world. It is your best shot to show you care and the relationship isn't existing because and only because of romance.

relationship mistake of the day 4

Blaming Distance

The physical distance between two lovers can pull them together or set them apart than they really are - if they allow it. On a blunt note, not everyone can handle long-distance relationship and for the few that can't, sticking with it is a waste of time. You know yourself, though it may seem brutal to break it off because you can't handle the distance, but in the end you will only be saving each other from time of misery and suspicion.

Opinion: he wants a divorce

I stumbled on this and quite something to share

...A married couple work in different cities, he works in Abuja, she in Lagos, he goes home every weekend. Both have facebook accounts.

One day while bored at work he playfully creates a facebook account with a fake pix, he sends his wife a request & she adds him.

They chat regularly over 1 month, she finds him very exciting & is always looking forward to chatting with him, she began to hate weekends because he was never available to chat.

They chatted about everything, recently their chats became very sexually explicit, she got turned on by d things he asked her to do, then one day he asks her to send a pix of her private part, she excitedly does that without hesitation , he then asks her to take other pix of her body parts & she did & sent all to him, now he reveals his true identity & wants a divorce…

What do you think about this case?

Facing Relationship Doubts Together

Let's start with an ice breaker; the most perfect couples still have doubts right in their guts when and after they hit it off. On a more common note, we all have doubts regarding the best of idea, most unique of plans and even best of inventions. Throwing the weight of believe behind our uncertainty is what helps us through that phase; and later on, faith based on pervious success carries us through. This is just the same with relationships. The frequent reoccurrence of break-ups and divorce these days has increased this "curiosity". It's common and plainly natural to be curious about the feasibility of your relationship. However, there's a deadline to allowing these doubts in your head. When you having doubts for too long, its time for therapy.

• Start by accepting your doubts and fears. If you don't, there's a huge possibility the problem is going to proceed from bad to worse and end up ruining your relationship/marriage. There's a reason for every thought, why not go to the genesis of it all? Sit yourself and ask for the reasons behind your doubts.
• Next is talking it out with your partner. This phase determines if you would continue your relationship through the tedious path or bow out as graceful as possible. Are there reasons for your doubts (like cheating spouse, unaffectionate, inadequate devotion, difference in priorities, abuse/assaults and such)? Tell your partner and talk it through like ADULTS! 
• If you can't place your finger on any reason, just a hunch that has been in your eating deep into your head, then you need a self-thinking-restructure. This involves marking and focusing on the good attributes of your partner and relationship, possibility of improvement and also visualization of the eventual result. Talking to your partner about this won't be easy, but its a great necessity. Dish out all you have in your mind gradually, listen to the other side of it and most of all, believe the (re)assurances from your partner.
• What's next? Give it(your self rehab) continuous practice and time to change. If you put in substantial effort, a month is enough for noticeable healing and two for perfect believe in your relationship!

Please heed this advice: If your relationship has a solid foundation in friendship and caring, don’t wait too long to address problems. This common error causes many couples to part ways. Instead, trust in your love for each other.

Face your doubts together and nurture an even stronger relationship.

relationship mistake of the day 3

Intentionally Spiting Hurtful Things

This is a habit some people didn't outgrow after high school and its killing their relationship. Even during arguments and misunderstanding, you don't say things that you know will hurt your partner. It might be an incident of the past or a stupid insult.

relationship mistake of the day 2

Sleeping over Conflict 

The world is gradually losing the manners of apologizing and saying "I'm sorry". Surprising it takes nothing but humility and wisdom. (Coming to think of it, wisdom is scarce).

Life counsel: You need to calm down!

Life is too short for anyone to get "extremely hyper and frustrated". Have you properly analyzed how things change? Despite the recognition and importance give to a thing, haven't you noticed life continues even without it? Hey, remember that person you thought you couldn't live without? Well, look at you, living and good options are still flowing your way.

The human mind is used to responding fast to situations and circumstances by going into overdrive; however, when you gain you consciousness, here are some control tips.  

She looks calm...right??

1. Massage. The magic behind a quality massage just never goes out of vogue. It helps the rich and the poor; young, old and even infants! Its gets your frustrations out of the way and calms your nerves down. Your body relaxes as the stresses get pressed out of your back, neck, legs and feet.

2. Yoga. You thinking of balancing your body, strength and flexibility from your mind? Think yoga. Its is a calming exercise that moves you from one position to another. Its helps you work on you mentally and physically.

3. Meditation. Ancient fathers used this to calm their mind and bring out positive energy. This world need more or positive energy...negativity kills. While meditating, you focus on breathing and thinking calming thoughts. 

4. Aromatherapy. Aromas can put butterflies in your tummy! Blessed is the lady that knows this! Its a tool for calming nerves and relaxing. It improves moods! 

5. Rest. Most times, all we need to feel calm is a good night’s rest. The body and muscles need rest and they deserve it after serving you so much. Don't be unfair; give it to them! Adequate nap helps thinking more clearly and decisive decision making plus problems solving as they arrive.

Taking a nap and or bath can help treat mental & physical fatigue. It's like hitting a reset button on your body. Energy drinks can actually cause cavities, headaches, miscarriages, and possibly death. 

Sometimes all we need to feel calm is a good night’s rest.

 

Want to know he/she is self-centred?

So many people are in a relationship but only few are really TAKEN; the rest are just been TAKEN FOR GRANTED. Self-centred spouse is hard to be loved! Why? Every one wants and needs some care, love and exhibited affection; however, the problem start when the spouse thinks and acts all about him/herself. How do you smell a self-centred rat? Just trace the following scents.

1. Is (s)he constantly making people is rivals and envious of them?: When a person is Constantly comparing himself/herself with people that are more successful than him/her and always beefing them; then you have a rat!

2. Never considering others choice(s): "What I want is what must happen". Whoever considers no ones interest and choice and puts his/her foot down on almost all matters...that's a rat!

3. Passing all blames: He/she never accepts any wrong until when caught red-handed; responds to disagreements with anger and not sadness...hmm, you've got a self-centred rat.

4. Fairy-tales of personal success never ends: He/she is always having stories of "I will this and that", with all goals pointing to reaching limelight and craving applause of men....that's a self-centred rat.

5. Coveting doesn't bother him/her: Would do anything to reach the "top", the end always justifies the means and stealing-by-style is no big deal....that's a big self-centred rat!

6. Can't be "counted on": (S)he always has something to do for him/herself and can't just be there for you...that's a self-centred rat!

7. Bragging of personal achievements: Long conversations are always opportunity to flood the ground with personal achievements and exaggerates incidents...that's a self centred rat!

8. Unreasonably expects from you and people: Always ready to get without thinking of giving is just wrong. You are meant to remember what you receive and forget when you give. If (s)he forget when (s)he receives and always wants more...hmm, self-centred rat!

9. Excuses not noticing your needs: When you speak up about your needs, (s)he always manufactures excuses of why he/she dint notice or even waters them down as things you should get on without...that's a rat!

10. No were to be found during tough times: All words but when its time to throw in some actions,  When tough times come, he. He/she is gone with the breeze! Need I say more?? Self-centred rat!

 

relationship mistake of the day 1

Forgetting To Be Friends

The grassroots of any relationship must retain friendship. If this is missing in any relationship, then the most lovely feeling that originated the association is gone.

How to Build your confidence to improve your relationship

The amazing power of confidence in a relationship still works wonders; transforming two "not really intimate" people to live and grow interwoven. Development of personal confidence is necessary for a healthy relationship and it usually starts from within. However, close friends, families and most importantly, spouse, have a great role to play. Remember, you have to spear head the effort of increasing your confidence.

So, how do you build confidence in your relationship? Here are few tips.

 1. Love yourself. Tell yourself you are a gift and nothing would remain the same if you didn't exist. Your impact to life would be  missing if you weren't there. Take stock of your relationship as it is and identify the wonderful things that you are already experiencing, as well as pin pointing the things you would like to improve.

2. Be positive. Always believe nothing has gone out of order; but there's always good in all situation. Fidgeting out of doubt is never the right response in whatever situation. Clarity breeds confidence, while fear and doubt threaten your self-esteem. See yourself in the relationship of your dreams and imagine all you want is possible.

3. Do what you love. Life is too short to be busy wasting that same life doing otherwise. How more confident can you grow when you're living and practising what you really like. Make a declaration because you are worthy of having a loving and fulfilling relationship. Believe that you have the capacity to love and be loved.

4. Stop comparing. Stay focused being fully aware everyone has a different and unique life to live. We exist together doesn't me life offers us the same options. Acknowledging limiting beliefs in comparison to people around you is important, but so is learning to let them go.

5. Relax. Amidst all things, do not stay worried on the little things; change the ones you can change and leave the ones nothing can be done about. On a daily basis, take time for yourself to clear your mind and set your intention for how you will be in your relationship.

In Love or In Lava

The world has gotten so used to the pop-culture ideal of love that it has lost the true essence of love. The entertainment industry is awash with this species of love with all its unrealistic images that have led to massive deception, frustration and disappointment. That not-withstanding, love remains one of the most potent forces that affect our lives.

In the beginning of two people ‘falling in love’, there’s so much energy and it seems you’ll do anything for one another but the reality is… this energy fades! Then reality begins. You thought you were in love but it was just a “lava stage” stage of something that isn’t meant to metamorphosis into a relationship. Consider the following:

1. Understanding mistaken for passionate love: In many cases, people often translate the physical chemistry between two persons as romantic love and this is the conception of a great blunder. Been great friends that know and understand each other doesn’t mean romance is meant to be follow. Dissect the nature of understanding before concluding it should lead to romance.
2. Physical desire confused for love: Desiring for a person can go one for nights and days but after getting that desire satisfied, the craving disappears. Surprised?? Don’t be. Love isn’t the want for physical satisfaction and lasts after physical satisfaction. Recognize your affection if its love or lust.
3. Cinderella stories: It’s common for people to develop a love tale that actually very captivating and start trying to live it but it takes two to tango. Does your partner daydream the same love story as yours? I really doubt it…simply because we are all different unique beings. You are making your love story and your partner acting out he’s/hers. That relationship is divided and just can’t stand.
4. Putting too much on ‘love’: Relationships take work and commitment unlike most movies deplete and expecting all differences to be to handle itself because “you two are in love” is reckless. Love is more like the icing on the cake (of relationship) and flour or egg that’s used in baking it. Many habits need to be checked and weighed; not disregarded in the name of “we love each other”
5. Focusing on your partner qualities instead of your relationships quality: Mixing a person’s great qualities with yours has the possibility of still not yield a good concoction. Of course, personally, both have great qualities…but it’s still not a good mix. Concentrate on the qualities your relationship would have when you are together and not singular virtues.  

Many celebrities have made these mistakes and their relationships lasted few weeks; month; and days in some cases. We cannot choose the wrong and get the right. If we look to the wrong world for our example and role model in the most delicate matters of life (which they are getting wrong), we would get whatever they have, including the heartaches and deep regrets.

Real love forgets self; real love knows no danger and real love does not count the cost. Many waters cannot quench love.

 

What makes a woman a ‘Lady’??

After long deliberation and considerations about what manner of female fits to be addressed as a "lady", it became un-debatable that the world is running out of ladies!

From chronology of the word ‘lady’, it had always been attached to grown women who have been nurtured with moral manners regards specific areas of life. Other words or phrases often used to describe the word “lady” include:

 

•Civil •Cultured •Polite •Well Mannered •Refined in Upbringing •Polite •Standard of behaviour •Honour •Well Spoke •Behaving in Dignity •Steady Companion

Noticeably and understandably, comportments, attitudes and style of dressing change over time; however, a lady’s Sophistication, Courteousness and Mannerism in the public and in her home is undying. Why don’t you use the following points to examine your “lady-like” status?

1. Femininity: Women have an original manner of existing and response in all circumstances. This is based on natural combination of the female body properties resulting to behaviours and qualities which her reasoned to be characteristic of females; and how a woman chooses to use her body depletes the initial signs identifying her has a lady or not. The feminine features on and in your body makes a woman; how you respect and use them makes you a lady... or not

2. Sophistication: These days, the advent of the “hip-hop” world depletes ‘lady-likeness’ has an ancient unfashionable lifestyle. Being elegant in all aspect of your life makes you a lady. A woman’s posture while siting and standing, carriage while walking, choice of words while talking are what makes you lady the lady we see. A "bitch" isn't a lady! Many females call themselves that, which simple means they have personally ruled out any lady etiquette in their lives.

3. Cleanliness: This is an undisputable and necessary quality in a lady. Here's the joker: many have accustomed themselves to appear clean and hygienic when in the public but away from the eyes of the world, they are the drastic opposite. Quite a shame because the cleanliness of a lady transcends all areas of her life; from the strands of her hairs to her breath, teeth, house, personal effects...even to the content and organisation of her hand bag! These are prerequisites. 

4. Health Psychology: Self-confidence, patience, security within her own skin, charity, contentment and trustworthiness kicks out fear, dishonesty, 'over' dependence, aggressiveness and brutality. “They are talking about me” syndrome has no place in a real lady; even her virtues becomes a subject on every lips especially females who are too weak to attain her level of discipline. 

5. Respect, submission and yet intelligence and strong-minded:  It isn’t easy to have the combination of these four attributes. Yet, a lady is known to be respectful and submissive and amidst these, she’s intelligent and not easy to fool.

These makes a lady complete, and as a bonus;

• Ladies gossip with class; not like mice passing cheese among themselves;
• Ladies don’t use profane words;
• Ladies don’t talk with food in their mouths;
• Ladies excuse themselves from gatherings with courtesy; 
• Ladies rarely lose their cool. Most often, they are calm and collected especially in the public;
• Ladies don’t over eat or overdrink;
• Ladies are courteous to introduce who they are with when someone else approaches;
• Ladies don’t find it hard to say the words “Please”, “thank you”, “I’m sorry” and “no, thank you” without feeling a part of them have been removed;
• Ladies increase their knowledge not only with gossips but reading resource materials to increase intelligence.

With all these, does the society still hold “lady-likeness” with high esteem??

Do you dress like a “lady”?

Some say “dress like a lady even if you don’t behave like one”. Your dressing might save you from some initial deserved insults/assaults on the street. The campaign on harassments and assaults are been insulted by comments like “her dressing welcomed it”. We all see lowlife guys whistle or say insulting words at females and laugh just because they (the girls) dress too revealing and or tight. These “express approvals” are not for looking decent, impressive and beautiful but for feeding their libido for free. Don’t be confused, if you as a lady dress next to naked and pass walk down the street, those that would approve would approve but not because they’ll be proud to associate with you or show you off as someone they are related to.

Simple but Elegant

It is permit-able to say decent, modest and neatly dressed ladies never witness this. Is the reason by any means a secret? Here are some simple dressing guidelines that bread respect:

Modestly stylish

·         Dress appropriate, according to your body-size, shape and age. Please, avoid the temptation of squeezing yourself into dresses. If it’s a beautiful dress but not your size, drop it. Forcing it on brings more embarrassments and disrespect than compliment.

·         Ensure your clothes are clean, smell good and pressed! This is very important to appear sane let alone ‘ladylike’.

·         Select cloths and styles that pronounce and protect you femininity at once; most dresses these modern days pronounce femininity but don’t protect it.

·         Clean hair, nails, feet and good body odour. These are also part of your dressing and they embrace a man.

·         Ladies do not need or use excessive accessories; extreme use of facial accessories make you look scary and ugly. Often, a natural beauty is better than facial artistry.

A notable thought; no genuine man would smile when his lady is public attacked as such. It is just embarrassing and most blame goes mothers, followed by the entertainment industries.

DECENCY IS EXPENSIVE AND SIMPLICITY IS GOLDEN

 

How to know its "flirting"

Sometimes, guys or ladies can’t really tell when someone is flirting at them. This often causes misleading while others loose chances (because they can determine if a person’s action means he/she likes them).

These days, suspicions are common in relationships. A question likely to pop into the head when a partner is having a long indescribable/unnecessary conversation with the opposite gender is “are they flirting?”

Flirting often comes naturally while some people try making it obvious; so instead of jumping into conclusions, next time you want to determine ‘flirting, watch out for these signs of flirting.

• Touching : When the two persons involved are constantly touching each other a lot, especially in the middle of a conversation; then that’s a certain sign of flirting. If he/she touches unnecessary, hmm…
• Getting personal: Allowing a person into his/her private life (in terms of interaction and conversation) especially when they just met just recently is a flirting sign. Intermingling beyond personal space and talking about intimate subject is interpreted as welcoming the person into your life.
• The face: Note the head tilt, eyebrow lift, unnecessary smiles, giggles, smirks, blushes, timely eye contacts, direction of body faces (in a conversation with more than two people), stares and flicking the hair. They mostly connote flirting.
• Shyness: Becoming shy out of the blue - for no reason – when with an opposite gender is a sign of flirting usually exhibited by females. Keeping shy faces and smiling at the same time. Adjusting the cloth, twisting both hands while they are in front of her or haphazard playing with cell phone…that flirting
• Open flaunt: This is a “notice me” flirting act; usually done when interacting with someone they don’t want to miss their attention. Ladies often try to soothe their voices and act in ways that’ll pronounce their attractive feature while guys try display some alluring charisma and masculinity. Leaning slight towards the person, stroking the person's arm, lip and finger bites are  obvious signs.

If you notice a couple of these, it’s definitely flirting.

Research has shown that men tend to routinely mistake friendly behavior for flirting; in order not to jump into conclusions, do not isolate every smile or body move - note the situation to identify any other reason(s) behind the actions. Most importantly, avoid flirting without interest (just for the fun of it).

See 'what is' and not 'what you want to see'. While flirting, avoid 'overdoing' it...it never brings desired responses.