FAILED MARRIAGES AND BROKEN HOMES: episode 6

 

MARRIED BUT YOUR PARENT'S FAILED MARRIAGE TAUNTS YOU?

Many adults though from broken homes still believe in the commitment of marriage. Some even get a bit eager to get married...like they aren’t bothered they from a broken home. If you reading this, your secret is safe with me; you just keep reading along. Those that are married but still worried their marriage might end up like your parent’s and plainly share their fears are not any worse.

Well, I would knock you off the path your parents took. Just as you in your marriage, endeavor to do the following;

 

  

1. Enjoy your spouse. Don’t weigh your brain down with “I’m now married...what is it going to be like?” Share your life with your spouse by talking to him/her and sharing activities together.

 

2. Disagree respectful and fight with “this marriage must work” at the back of your minds. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes to understand his/her position and apologize when you’re wrong. Ensure you have been forgiven when you make a blunder. You can even present an apology offering/gift which could be making a tea or buying monkey-teddy. This strengthens the marital bond.

 

3. When offended, obey the rule of Forgo, Forebear, Forget and Forgive. As human, forgive and forget sounds mythical! But we can forgive and let it go. Accept the gift of an apology when offended and shun that voice that tells you to make your partner beg a little more.

 

4. You want to be a successful spouse? Set you mind there’s not option than making your marriage work after marriage. Set it straight in your mind that divorce doesn't truly break the bond of marriage and you can’t walk out. Act out your vows — “for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health.”

 

5. Get informed about your spouse’s life by asking about as much as you can think of. Talk about your day, your pains and discomforts, worries and joys, interests and fantasies. Communication is key which should be done by talking and acting.

 

6. Spending special times together has its molding powers when it comes to relationships. This time isn’t one hour or two, no. It’s more like going on vacations and extensive planned activities. Find time to just sit and be with each other and before you know it, your souls would be yarning to reach out to your spouse.

 

7. Never stop dating your spouse has been a common advice when it comes to marriage. Well, it’s because it works! You therefore should plan “late night exquisite date” frequently...at least twice a month. And that’s for business preoccupied couples.  

 

8. How have you made your spouse happy today? If you do that self check daily, you would plan a better tomorrow and long future. Successful couples bring each other joy.

 

9. Give more than you expect to receive. Furnish your spouse frequently and selflessly. This has a special way keeping you on your spouse’s mind not because of the gift you gave but because you thought of him/her and you acted on it.

 

10. Steal an attitude from our spouse and share similar virtues. Please ensure its one of his/her good ones. Don’t imbibe his/her attitude of giving up during a conversation, instead you can copy the expression he/she makes when trilled. How do you plan to raise your kids? This is when the values count.

Most importantly, share this piece with your spouse. The two of you fighting the right way to keep your marriage is better than just your effort alone.

 

FAILED MARRIAGES AND BROKEN HOMES: episode 5

ARE YOU AFRAID OF HAVING A FAILED MARRIAGE LIKE YOUR PARENTS??

It’s alright to think and wonder how a relationship with some from a broken marriage would turn out because breakups hurt. People from broken homes have two choices. They could either be a better duplicate of their parents or learn from their faults and become a direct contrast of their relationship.

 

Every human being is unique and different in many ways and so is the union that proceeds from two people. I would state clearly that it is true; family, friends, environment and societal norms have huge chance of influencing our “psychological – human” interactions.

However, this can be overcome. Factors’ deciding the whether or not a child’s future relationship is going to be affected by his/her parent’s failed marriage are;

1. Extent of damage witnessed: How much of the parent’s martial degradation did the child witness is the question here. Studies have related the ability of an adult from a broken marriage to have a cordial intimate relationship to the age of the individual during his/her parent’s martial separation. The age/stage of maturity of the individual determines how much is remembered and imbibed. Many children from broken homes remember and register marriage to be arguments between parents, brutal attitudes exchanged during separation and in some cases the physical assaults suffered by one of the spouses (usually the mother).
2. Consequent life orientation: After the parental damage is done, the child’s perspective of life as he/she grows also determines whether such individual can eventually live up to breed a health relationship. This orientation is a factor of who the child grows up with, the virtues been instilled during child training, the neighborhood he/she matures in and finally examples seen around him/her. The viewpoint of life this individual has he/she grows determines the wishes, dreams and fantasies generated by the brain. These fantasies and dreams have a way of growing to a personal norm.
3. WILL: After a marriage with children has failed and been broken, in most cases, the child(ren) eventually leaves with the mother. After seeing the gross discomfort most mothers go through, some children make up their minds to have a better marriage. Although the will alone is not enough, it really counts though.
4. Individual’s ‘mental toughness’: Children generally have fragile psychological strength, and the childhood incidents encountered set precedence the emotional perspective to relative issue. This is the foundational reason why many ‘young adults’ don’t want to get married again. It has been set in them even though they might exhibit doggedness in other areas of life. Mental toughness can be improved by:

• LIVING IN THE PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCES: The pieces to the puzzle of your life are different to that of your parents. The advices and discouragement they had is different from what you live in now.
• TRUSTING YOUR WILL-POWER: You have determined to have a better relationship and life, Belief in yourself that you can and you shall. Reject any cynicism and visualize yourself with a happy family of yours.
• REFUSING TO DEMORALISE YOURSELF AFTER ANY FAULT: It’s human to make mistakes but sitting on your blunders forever isn’t going to help your self-esteem. However, don’t make excuses, make improvements.
• LOVING AND ASPIRING FOR HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP: You need to make warm, jovial and cordial relationship your irresistible desire.
• GROOMING YOURSELF TO BE BETTER: What are the faults you noticed in your parent’s marriage? Is it improper communication, absence of commitment, inadequate time to be together or lack of lasting affection? Work on them for yourself. Once you recognize the faults in their relationship, you find the right way around it and get it done well; this would help you overcome your fears.
• GETING A PERSON THAT SUPPORTS AND BELIEVES IN YOU: Surround yourself with people that trust and support you to have a good marriage. It’s important the person you eventual select as your spouse has this quality also. Some people create the storms and get angry when it rains.

 

You need to have it at the back of your mind that there have many people who are products of broken marriages and failed homes but turned around to have a great family. Therefore, you are not on a “mission impossible.”

Success in marriage is more than finding the right person: It is being the right person.

Gentleman's Code

Unlike popular perception, being a gentleman never goes out of style. From time memorial, whether personally or professionally, a gentleman is been recognized by his manners, dressing, speech and interactions. In these modern times, many teenagers and young adults choose their dress code, manners and conducts from social delinquents and ex-convicts. How this does appraises them, I really don’t know.

The life of gentleman honestly requires much diligence to apparently all areas of his life. Chivalry can’t come from social delinquents; neither can nobility be found in criminals. Therefore, when choosing a lifestyle, there’s need profound thinking. As a result, if anyone actually finds it hard to match up in been a genuine gentleman, it really shouldn’t be surprising.

Fortunately, the conducts of a gentleman can still be noticed in our today’s society though most aren’t in their true forms. Most dress like gentlemen but in actions, they seem mentally impaired. I take an instance from Mr. Douglas who dress quite elegant like a gentleman but physically beats up his wife during arguments. A gentleman never raises his hand to hurt a lady; neither should any “un-gentleman-like” male. That factually makes Mr. Douglas much less of a man.

I would enumerate some codes and conducts of a gentleman.


 

• A gentleman won’t waste time and effort arguing what or whatnot a gentleman should be. It’s said a boy speaks, a gentleman acts.
• A gentleman exhibits politeness in his speech. “I beg your pardon”, “I’m sorry”, “please excuse me” and other relative words of grace are found in his speech.
• A gentleman’s first description is “chivalry” and it encompasses a lot. It takes a lot to be gallant and courteous.
• A gentleman knows how to shake a hand. Firmly but not too tight like a fight.
• A gentleman is punctual. He respects other peoples’ time. If you’ll be late, please do it with style.
• A gentleman keeps to his word as much as possible. This is one fading quality in men.
• A gentleman dresses to impress in the most eloquent of ways.
• A gentleman is patient and has so much self-control.
• A gentleman doesn’t brag, ridicule or betrays.
• A gentleman voices his opinions modestly and considers other people’s opinions.
• A gentleman humbly gives and accepts compliments. That’s just a way to make people feel good about themselves.
• A gentleman shows his love and not just tells it.
• A gentleman opens the door for ladies. She is about to enter your car, a restaurant, public service facility, or anyplace with a door, a gentleman always holds it open.
• A gentleman helps the lady with her seat. Even if you don’t know the lady next to you, so far she’s unaccompanied, get her seat and push it back in place.
• A gentleman courteously gives up his seat when a lady, child or elderly comes around and there isn’t a seat a vacant seat.
• A gentleman stands up straight when a lady is about standing up to leave his table.
• A gentleman gives the lady he’s accompanying his hand when they are walking together, especially if she’s on heels. There’s a purpose to it.
• A gentleman offers his coat to his lady when it’s cold. That is just chivalrous.
• A gentleman stops to help others in need...especially women and children.
• A gentleman offers to pay. He gives in not to after third denial.
• A gentleman respects himself.
• A gentleman never threatens or accepts threats to his family. It’s a foolish thing to do.
• A gentleman lives by his code and conduct all day and night, public and private, seen or unnoticed.

Everybody wants to be respected, treated humanely and graciously. Everyone also wants to have their friends or partners appear well in public and treated with some form of courtesy. This is why “gentlemen are never out of style”.

GUY CODE!!

GUY CODE?? There’s rarely a guy’s code anymore. Many guys not just talk and act like dunce in the society, bring disgrace to the men-folks. There was a time when teenagers watch and study older males to watch manner of speaking and approach on diverse issues, interpersonal relationships, public comportment and other things. But in this era, it’s a different tale and I really wonder who the broken links were.

The Guy Code is suppose to be the inbred intuitive behavior of a man concerning everything that comprises of his earthly world in the affairs of responsibility, consistency, goals and desires, decision making, elucidation, insight, pleasure and amusement etc.

Still a decade and a half ago, it was recognized and respected not only by men but cultured ladies. The Guy’s Code wasn’t in a book or an easily defined principle but was present and passed on through lifestyles and community’s atmosphere. I have endeavored to put together a few i can remember now. Read, LEARN, enjoy and more importantly pass it on to fellow brothers so we never forget what being a man is all about.

1. Never say anything negative about a man to woman. Especially when you trying to get her attention.
2. If you a guy your friend is in jail, except he stole your lady, you are expected to bail him out within 24 hours. (However, you not expected to do so with your money).
3. Try your best to help a friend in trouble as much as you can till you can say you did all a man in your position can. This is where “Never leave a man down” evolved.
4. You at the cinema’s with another man, you are expected to leave a seat vacant between you two.
5. At your friend’s wedding, you should disgrace him with your toast describing a “shameful and dishonoring” event. This is not good for his new bride or in-laws.  
6. Two grown men under an umbrella?? Common! It’s just not allowed.
7. Calling a man and explaining why you haven’t been calling afore times, expect you in the CIA and he’s your handler.
8. Men don’t often give full hugs to each other and it should be preceded by a handshake.  
9. A man should NEVER EVER sit on another man's lap. Don’t even imagine it. Absolutely gay!
10. Guys don’t stare and compliment other guy’s six-pack. It’s awkward.
11. Unless you been told verbally by your friend (the owner of the car) to touch his car radio, keep your hands to yourself!
12. Always greet your friend’s new lady with an apprising phrase like “So you the one I’ve been hearing about?”
13. No matter your professional line of work, you must have some technical skills like knowing the difference between a flat and Phillips screwdriver, changing a tire and maintaining a car.
14. Sharing birthday gifts with fellow men isn’t obligatory. So don’t get obtuse over it if it doesn’t come.
15. Guys don’t cry! No! Not in public or dumb reasons.
16. Guys, don’t act stupid because a cute lady passed by. You can look but passing lousy comments make you and anyone around you appear foolish.
17. No guy should ever go behind another guy's back and talk to his mother, wife or girlfriend about any problem he has with the other. That’s for the opposite gender.

Bonus: A man must ALWAYS remember its “ladies first” in walking, sitting, talking. This is golden!

Follow these and you would find it easier for you to live by the gentle’s guidelines which is much more strict.

 

My Parent's Divorce Scares Me From Marriage.

Bianca and I would have been together for four year come this August.  This is by far the best relationship have every had with any human on the surface of planet Earth. We both have great jobs and I get along with her family quite well. I love her to bits and try my best to make her happy. Amidst my faults, she has her respectful and matured way if making me see my imperfections. Just like everybody, she definitely has a few of her own, but admits her wrong within the hour. We’ve had a couple of long fights to be honest, and to be quite honest, I’ve had my ample share of faults in them.

Your next thought would be I have a great girl and job; therefore, marriage is no problem. That however scares me to shreds.

My late younger brother and I were the product of our parents thirteen years marriage. Our father walked out on us leaving us in emotional and finical adversities. Three months later, my brother died from a sickness the price of a day’s meal could have gotten the drug to treat it. This however turned mom to a frequent visitor at the free clinic we later discovered. Depression was one of the highlights in her life. I struggled through life with anger to prove to my dad I never needed him to be rich and successful whenever/if-ever we met.

Bianca knew where I was coming from and had been very understanding regards the backlogs I pulled through life. She got me into therapy and out of my angry state which was the hardest thing she ever did. Bianca has been most understanding for a too long, very decent and matured lady from a well formed family and now she's asking about the future of our relationship.

My parents marriage was all roses and cute in all forms at the beginning but the  effect it had on my mother and innocent little brother is just something I can't uncomprehend. 

Of course I notice other people's long marriage and happy family (like Bianca's parent's), I just think some people with genes like my father's "clan" are meant to get marriage. Discovering same thing happened to my father's dad's marriage really shouldn't happen again. I'm really not positive I'm made for a successful marriage like she seems to be.

 

Feel free to share and comment your views.

FAILED MARRIAGES AND BROKEN HOMES: episode 4

The court is never the right place to fix a family. When there is a problem in the family and no one is ready to apologize or call for a “sit down”, many people contemplate leaving things the way they are and see where it gets them or pretending nothing is wrong and just sweeps it all under the carpet.

This episode is for a family of three or more and the children are grown up.

Getting the family back together to her glory days can be a repositioning set in motion by the father, mother or any of children – someone mature enough not by age but by reasoning and understanding. But before whoever about getting a cracked family back together starts, he/she needs determination to do whatever needed to see it through, faith there is the great possibility of having a happy family at the end, patience it would take some quality time and effort and a well seasoned PLAN.

Now, what should be the “PLAN” must be you next question and I would give you a ‘default’ plan. However, I would state a disclaimer that in every family, the father’s, mother’s and children’s lifestyles, faults and differences, response to situations is different for each family unit hereby making every family distinctive. Therefore, same manner of speaking, approach and system cannot and would not apply to every family. For this reason, the “default PLAN” needs t be customized to your family.

 That been said, let’s get your family back on track. I have highlighted the way forward and divided them in two.

 

1. Do your homework.

·         Identify the various problems in the family and ask every one individually for their views. At the stage, you are a secret agent and it’s much better when everyone thinks you just asking them because you are curious. If father doesn’t know you’ll ask mother and mother doesn’t know you’ll ask your siblings, it gets the best result.

·         Get individual opinions and perspectives on how the family can recover, their wish/picture for the family. This is very useful when you have everyone almost thinking you on their side only. You might have an awesome memory but writing all these down in a notepad is much better than storing in your brain. (Don’t get me wrong, I believe your brain’s recollection capacity is awesome)

·         Work on the unspoken problems in the family. It is very possible that there would be some issues that no one would feel comfortable raising but yet has to be discussed. Get to the root of the issue and file your findings.

·         Select a date. Choose a day for the family sit-down. After choosing, you individually ask what plans all members have doing for that day so there won’t be anyone leaving with an excuse.  

·         Pray your plan works. Seriously, pray!!

 

2. Blow your cover.

·         Find a convenient or nearly convenient time for everyone at home and call a “meeting”. For that day, you set the day and time, get everyone in attendance without telling them the purpose of the meet.

·         This is the day. State the purpose and necessity of the meeting. First you state the purpose of the meeting and following that would be recognition of the fact that any solution apart from family rebuilding isn’t an option that is good to everyone.

·         Building respect. In a gathering where everyone stands, sits, leaves or talks without respecting the other person(s) around is surely not going to be a fruitful gathering. Respect towards manner of speaking is essential. Just as the children should respect the parents, the parents must respect themselves and the children. No matter how grievous the faults about to be presented on the person are, respectfully make your points.

·         Induce concentration. This is by switching off all disturbing 21^st century communication gadgets. I’m simply referring television set, telephones and beepers. All should go off and can be on only for extreme reasons.

·         Start. Ask each person to state the problem in the family while cross referencing it with the answer you got during the individual sections you with them.

·         Ask if any accused person(s) has a re-address. Someone been accused most likely might want to narrate his/her own side of the story. Listen and the family addresses it together.

·         One by one share the wish for the family. Now is time everyone states how they would prefer the problem(s) is/are handled and how they wish the family eventually turns out.

Need I say you need be impartial? For the record, don’t take sides and curb your emotions.

 

3. Sealing the healing.

 Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words. For the family to emotionally bond and psychologically feel the reunion, everyone must play parts. This is by:

·         Promoting the exchange of kind acts and sweet words.

·         Sharing the day’s plan in the morning and the day’s events after returning.

·         Plan a family vacation.

·         Giving each other benefit of doubts.

·         Sharing little gifts for no reason.

·         Involve the children in decision making.

These should get a family back to smiles, laughter and happiness.

To be continued in FAILED MARRIAGES AND BROKEN HOMES: episode 5. Meanwhile, feel free to comment and share.

Stella Damasus Spits Fire!! CHILD not bride!!!

Though many Nigerians have made their voices heard on the inhumane bill supposed to be read at the Senate, petitions seems not to be the way forward as many notable people have been "tip-toeing" around the issue. This video by Stella Damasus however speaks my mind bluntly. She has notably exposed the cowardice of the women in the senate, states first ladies and the country's first lady(which I don't expect to be found speaking when a notable issue, other than facing off with an elected governor on errant issues).

Do we have sensible fathers in that senate at all?

Our president has chosen to display his slow attribute on this issue too.

We really need a "shake up"!!

FAILED MARRIAGES AND BROKEN HOMES: episode 3

The society has become quite obsessed with the word divorce that raises a question worthy of consideration. “Is divorce the only solution to difficult, unhappy and extremely complicated marriages?”

Whoever got married without the fore knowledge that marriage is “tough” shouldn’t have gotten married. Is that blunt? Probably. It’s however a truth. Having a social and contractual expression of a healthy, harmonious between any two persons, groups or nations takes much work let alone a marriage when they two entities in question are in a greater and deeper extent of partnership.

SOLUTION TO FAILED MARRIAGES

Before getting into the solution to failed marriages, I’ll point out that many people only see divorced cases as “failed marriages” because the couple are no longer together. But when a couple is already unhappy, at loggerheads too frequently…, even though they are still living together, the marriage is already in a “failed” state and needs a turn around.

I would further highlight that this is the “solution to a failed marriage” and not “solutions to a failed marriage”. Yes there are many things to be done but individually don’t make a solution; they work collectively. When one is absent, the marriage isn’t a completely fine and there would still be problems of various degrees.

Now to the solution

1.   Will. Where there is a will, there is a way. One of the individuals in a marriage contract must be exceedingly willing to make their relationship work when there are already signs of cracks and crisis. An individual’s decision would have ripples effect. Personally decide to be humble and not wait for your partner to make the first move/talk. Waiting for your partner to move to save the relationship first while it’s getting worse is “Royal Cowardice”.

2.  Self examination: Next is looking into how you have helped or ruined the relationship. Start with:

·    Loyalty and commitment: When your partner was and was not present, how have you tried to uphold the dignity in the relationship? What should you have done better or the other way?

·    Partner reverencing: How well did you respect your spouse both before and behind him/her? Everyone wants to have the feeling of worthiness; do you accord that to him/her?

·    Flexibility: How selfish or selfless have you been to your spouse’s needs and requests, especially regards the current feud?

·    Reaction analysis: Just as the whole dispute started, how have you been reacting? Are you sure your reaction wasn’t over the edge and extreme? What words did you use to express your displeasure?

                        Be honest with yourself, else you’ll be fooling yourself.

3.  Identify and correct problems: Point out things that you do which are directly and indirectly killing your relationship, and then rectify them. They may be drinking with the boys, excessive outings, confiding in wrong neighbors, friends and family. Exterminate all the parasites you personally breed in your marriage.  

4.  Communicate your problems: After recognizing your faults and displeasures, sit your partner down to talk the problem through. If the disputes are very sensitive, state the need to be polite and respectful in choice of words through the conversation to your partner before commencement. If talking doesn’t work; turn your conversation to a song using your points as the lyrics (it doesn’t have to be melodious) but please don’t rap. (hahaha… I’m serious!!). And if that doesn’t work, get a pen and pad and exchange short notes (it’s hard to scream at each other in notes).

Many people start this with logging accusations to the partner. This would only get him or her defensive. Why not apologize for your own errors? Then express your understanding of the situation and then state your discontentment(s) towards partner.

5.  Spend quality time with your partner: Been indoor in the company of your spouse for reasonable amount of time increases the bond between you two and paves way to better understanding of each other. It allows easier flow of communication from two people. This time isn’t when you stay together in same location but working on your laptops, it’s where you talk, share, play games and finally plainly state your expectations and disappointments to each other in the most polite ways.

6.  Be faithful to your partner: In real marriages, the sense of commitment goes beyond always wearing the wedding band on the fourth finger. It entails living a lifestyle your spouse would condone and that which you would expect your spouse to live also home and away. 

7.  Deal with external issues has a team: Adults that know each other try to avoid disputes in face of the public. Married people are expected to be better. When neighbors, friends, families and children come knocking with grudges and misunderstanding, it’s dumb to express disagreements to each other’s decisions while they are present. Excuse yourself from their presence and then you can talk it through RESPECTFULLY.

8.  Outline what is “yours”, “mine” and “ours”: Many dispute start because a spouse reaches into what the other isn’t ready to give. This is best done in finances and time. Set apart all these and respect the delineation. It is necessary for couple that prior has boundary issues

9.  Find new ways to keep the romance flowing: Have you often been eating dinner outside before? Why not try some special cozy home cooked dinner? Have you married each other and stopped courting each other, why not pop up surprise gifts at each other after a busy day? Get out of the regular and do something spontaneous. Wowing your partner once a while is important.

10.Review your marriage contract: Just like it is with every contract, you should renew your marriage contract to make it better and introduce new principles. Go over how last year or half-year was, depending on the set review date, state the trials, events, fun, disappointments, happy and pleasurable moments you’ll want to have again. Revisit your vows to each other.

To be continued in FAILED MARRIAGES AND BROKEN HOMES: episode 4. Meanwhile, feel free to comment and share.

FAILED MARRIAGES AND BROKEN HOMES: episode 2

The first episode hinted the causes of failed marriages which eventually leads to broken homes. As a recap, once the foundation of the marriage is faulty, whatever else built on it would fail and fall crumbling in no time.

Correctly asserting that, the consequences of fail marriages and broken homes on couples and children (if there are any) should be stressed with the hope of raising awareness for people that hurry into ‘marital eloping’.

The crises in a “broken” home are not painless as it may seem in movies. In most marriage, even before the official divorce is eventually filed for those that do, the preliminary absence of happiness and constant state of agitation is not physically and psychologically healthy for anyone. Though parents describe ‘filing a divorce’ as the best course of action when “couples can’t live together”, the effects of the official divorce are rarely positive.
 

THE EFFECTS FOR THE COUPLES/PARENTS:

•  Divorce causes depression. No matter how free and happy an ‘ex-spouse’ can claim after divorce, there’s still the emotional tie that cannot be broken and once a while, the mind visits old memories. Many end up imagining scenarios they could have acted better and what uniqueness the “ex” has.
•   Loss of the young ‘hopes and dreams’. Every customary marriage has the intentions of aging and making it through the test of time. However, when there are rifts and both spouse have to spit ways, the aspirations of lasting together and been a “marriage of example” that could be desired by others is shattered.
•   Increase in financial difficulty. Even though each spouse pays for his own groceries now, many expenses double up. For instance, one packs out of the house which means someone is paying for rent of new apartment. Some bills come by presence of utility and not intensity of usage. Also, couples that share a car (the only they have) to work and for running around would incur more when the individual costs is estimated after marriage.
• Societal stigma. For many parts of the world, a divorcee is seen as not been successful in an area of life. The treatment they receive from the society when marital issues are addressed is sometime distasteful.
• Feeling of regression. Many feel they have failed and are back to square one. Some even make utterances like “when it comes to marriage, I’m a failure…”

THE EFFECTS FOR THE CHILDRE: social and psychological effects make a long list;

• Emotional disorder. Many respond to parents failed marriage and eventual divorce with anger, aggressiveness, internal depression, anxiety and poor self-esteem. Some even get sick due to negative emotions.
• Psychosomatic turmoil. Self destruct acts, violent behaviors, impulsiveness and various delinquencies
• Academic disorientation. Most kids disconnect from peers and wreck their social life and skills in addition to a final downward spiral educationally.
• Others include exposure to bad parenting, fear of having a failed marriage when they get married too, probability early parenting (teen pregnancy), as well as using drugs among others.

Stating all these sharpens our sight to the realties we have in our society and emphasizing them isn’t to scare us from the concept and union of marriage but to respect it and the consequences of careless mistakes.

The next couple of episodes would be educating on fixing failed marriages and broken homes. To be continued in FAILED MARRIAGES AND BROKEN HOMES: episode 3. Meanwhile, feel free to comment and share.

FAILED MARRIAGES AND BROKEN HOMES: episode 1

For many people, the adage “there’s no place like home” is an expired myth. There may be many definitions of a customary home, but home-under normal circumstances-should be a place synonymous to love, peace, comfort, refuge, rest, care, help and security among others. However, with current statistics on divorce rates, this definition is quite the opposite for many people.

 

 

 

THE CAUSES

The crisis usually comes from a broken marriage leading to a broken home. What causes broken marriages? I’ll list some.

 

 

 

 

  

1.      Wrong spouse selection: This is the genesis of the whole matter. When two people come together in bond of marriage, they form a “home”.  There’s therefore fault in the spouse selection and choice if the people in question do not “go along” with each other most times. Couple always disagreeing, exhibiting low affection of love, bad communication and regretting marrying each other can’t breed a good home.

2.      Intimate poisons: It is much easier for a trusted subject to poison the king’s wine. When third parties begin dishing wrong advises and become closer confidants, the marriage is doomed and there goes the home too. These venoms are more likely to come from parents, friends, family relatives and sometimes neighbors. It is hard for a stranger come destroy your relationship.

3.     Absence of genuine love for spouse: It’s commonly said that “true love doesn’t fade”. Breaking way from someone you sincerely love isn’t easy. If at all you make it out the door, without much rational control after a little, you should find yourself running back in. Love cannot cohabitate with hatred, unfaithfulness, fighting, long term quarreling and anger. Their presence signifies real love was never present.

4.     Stunted love: Love wants to grow; Love should grow; Love must grow. All real love wants is renewal and it would increase with branches and blossoming flower. When you don’t revitalize your love, it dies and your home dies along.

5.     Sexual unfaithfulness: Very few are people who can get over sexual unfaithfulness of a partner. And can you blame them? I honestly can’t. When indulging in sexual atrocities while in a relationship, you should recognize the gravity of what you are doing to your relationship and home.

6.     Financial tight-fist: Money issue is serious issue. All over the world, money has significant effect on emotions if wisely utilizes. ‘Spending on’ your spouse shouldn’t necessarily be when he /she asks but out of warm heartfelt desire. If it is in your power to give, why won’t you want to give to your spouse? Tightfisted couples rarely work.

7.     Time demanding job: Physical absence from home is bad recipe for marriage and the home itself. Though not a moral excuse, exceptional time demanding jobs has the possibility of exposing both partners to sexual unfaithfulness.

8.     Poor communication: Miserable interactions between spouses break homes. It’s just as simple as that. When unhappy or wronged, words people in most cases utter are usually unthought-of. Many are the individuals that have deficiency of word selection and with an easily agitated spouse, the relationship and home in no time breaks up.

To be continued in FAILED MARRIAGES AND BROKEN HOMES: episode 2. Meanwhile, feel free to comment and share.