With the divorce rates and number of broken homes up high, many people get to the cross road and ask themselves if they are not making the gravest mistake of their lives. No one in his or her right senses obviously wants to have a failed marriage. It is therefore a common practice for people who reverend the constitution of marriage to ransack the corners of the brain in search of reasons and proofs to justify their decision to get married to that particular marriage.
Bulk of people engaged reply “we are in love” as the first response to why they have chosen to get married to each other. This has ambiguously gone on for decades and many feel it’s the number one prerequisite to marriage but no. A lifetime commitment can’t have only love holding it together. This can’t be and following would be a whole lot of considerations that should be met before “we are in love” surfaces to the lips.
- Sharing the similar purpose in life: She wants to be a career woman sealing million dollar deals while he wants to own a ranch and have not less than four kids. These extremely different two can meet somewhere, love each other’s wits and fall in love, but the possibility of a lifelong marriage between these two is very slim. The goals and dreams of the two partners might not completely overlap on each other, but they must intersect to a very good extent. Ask yourself “what does he/she want in life? Is it any close to what I want in life?” You plan to live long and spend most probably over 30years living with your partner; what are you two going to be sharing together? In marriage, you either grow together or grow apart.
- Sharing yourself with him/her: Communication has been rated has a very vital requirement in a relationship. The question that comes to mind is “what do we share?” Answer: First thing is your ‘feelings and thoughts‘. If you are having issues sharing your deep feelings and intimate thoughts with the person you have chosen to get married to, then you need revise who you plan sharing these most important things with. Many marriages don’t last long because these intimate exchanges are been shared with friends and family instead of spouse.
- His/her interpersonal relationship with people: Seeing your spouse treat others awfully is something that can disappoint, disgrace and even hurt you. How your spouse treats others, like bothersome kids, really old folks, parents, siblings, the poor and sick, especially when you are not there, is something you must know and be comfortable with so you won’t be hit with surprise when he/she shows his or her “true colour”.
- Causing a glow: The way people talk and portray you make you do better than you think you can. Coaches and trainers have a way of boosting the psychological strength of an athlete; same should be the case for the person you want to marry. Bring the best out of you is a primary duty of your partner. How well does he/she do this to you even when his/her own chips are down?
- Coping with his/her sensitivity: Pressing some people’s buttons can happen so easy and fast compare to others. Can you identify your partner’s button and most importantly cope with their reactions? You need to have experiences of this and have a measure of your reaction to their reaction. Can you keep with him/her?
- Living with that bad habit: That one thing he/she does that you are hoping he/she changes needs to be the beginning of your tolerance for him/her. Can you really live with that bad habit or you are seriously counting on him/her to change? Everyone should try getting better and grow to be accustomed to his/her partner’s lifestyle, trying all your best not to alienate him/her. More so, everyone should and would likewise but this is one thing you shouldn’t count on. A wise advice: expect your partner to change for the worse after marriage.
Never fool yourself while expounding these scenarios to yourself and mediating. In addition, if you do not have enough ‘data’ to go with, postpone walking down the aisle till you do and you’re sure you’re making the right call and not a lifelong error.
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