Holding on to Relationships The Wrong Way

Relationships, the genuine ones, are usually funny, cool and nice at the beginning. They seem like they just the only thing you ever wanted in life. But many relationships are better if they never existed due to the pain, destruction of self-esteem, sadness and other negatives they bring at the end.

It would have been right to say bad relationships don't necessarily mean 'pointless interaction' because we learn something from them (at least we say experience is the best teacher); but the truth is very few people on the surface of the earth take the time to ask themselves "what have I learnt from this wrong relationship?". Most humans living now simply don't learn.

Now to the issues at hand. When you realize a relationship isn't meant t be (for the right reasons), the best thing to do is to let go....else you'll get hurt...badly!!
But before that, there is the issue of holding on to your relationship the wrong way...like the guy in this picture is holding his dog.

When your partner gets just a little distraction from anywhere, you'll be left alone, broken and in pain.

Then you start the "passing the blame game" which really is dumb, because it only shows you learnt nothing from the whole experience. Acts of love, kindness, patience, sacrifice, appreciation with a mix of sound communication, humility and respect are necessary to "hold your relationship down".

The question is "How are you holding/keeping your relationship"?

Maybe the right first question to ask you is "why are you in that relationship?"

Then "Is it going on like it should?"

Now "What are the things that you would say are wrong?"

Finally, "How would you and your partner describe the way you both keep the relationship going?"

Money - Relationship Problem and Solutions That Can Save Your Relationship

Money problems can start even before the wedding vows are exchanged. They can stem, for example, from the expenses of courtship or from the high cost of a wedding. It is recommended that couples who have money woes take a deep breath and have a serious conversation about finances.



Problem-solving strategies

• Be honest about your current financial situation. If things have gone south, continuing the same lifestyle is unrealistic.

• Don't approach the subject in the heat of battle. Instead, set aside a time that is convenient and non-threatening for both of you.

• Acknowledge that one partner may be a saver and one a spender, understand there are benefits to both, and agree to learn from each other's tendencies.

• Don't hide income or debt. Bring financial documents, including a recent credit report, pay stubs, bank statements, insurance policies, debts, and investments to the table.

• Don't blame.

• Construct a joint budget that includes savings.

• Decide which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills.

• Allow each person to have independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion.

• Decide upon short-term and long-term goals. It's OK to have individual goals, but you should have family goals, too.

• Talk about caring for your parents as they age and how to appropriately plan for their financial needs if needed.

• You can spring for a cleaning service. If one of you likes housework, the other partner can do the laundry and the yard. You can be creative and take preferences into account -- as long as it feels fair to both of you.

You May Not Know - Simply Upgrading Your View of Love Changes Your Capacity for It

The latest science offers new lenses through which to see your every interaction. People have been interviewed, and they shared incredibly moving stories about how they used small-moments of connection to make dramatic turnarounds in their personal and work lives. One of the most hopeful things you should learn is that when people take just a minute or so each day to think about whether they felt connected and attuned to others, they initiate a cascade of benefits. And this is something you could start doing today, having learned even just this much more about how love works.

Everyone is different. This doesn't make anyone better or worse than anyone else. If you want to love someone, you need to take them for everything that they are, good and bad. Realize that none of those traits may be permanent and that if you want them to change, you have to help them want that change for themselves. Give them the tools they need to make the change. They aren't yours to mold into your personal statue of perfection.

Worry??

3 Questions to Get Your Relationship Back on Track

All long-term relationships go through difficult times. Whether you no longer feel any passion or all the passion you feel seems to be anger, you might lose perspective on why you are even trying to work things out. You might be on the verge of giving up.

Before you walk (or run) away, try balancing these struggles with thoughts about the positives in your relationship. To do this, consider the following three questions. They can help you to develop a more positive attitude about your present, past, and future together.

 

1. What makes you want to stay together?

While you could have called it quits by now, you haven't; and you aren't sure that you really want to (if you did, you wouldn't be reading this).  So, why is that? What makes you want to stay together? Think long and hard about this.  Your answer might be that you love each other; or that you have so much invested in your relationship that you want to give it every realistic chance. Whatever your reasons, talk about them together. Let them seep into your very being and inspire you to re-connect.


2. How have you managed to stay together?
If you are upset with your partner, you might be inclined to answer this by pointing to destructive ways of coping, such as leading separate lives or avoiding all conflict. However, you have no doubt also used some positive ways of coping. So, ask yourself what you do (or have done in the past) to keep enjoyment, appreciation, and a desire for your continued relationship alive. For instance, you might actively respect each other's thoughts and feelings, or one of you might walk away when things get heated – only to return to a calmer discussion later. You might also see your partner really trying to please you, which can help you stay invested in working things out during particularly frustrating times.


3. What makes you think you can find a way to continue being together?

Given that you haven't ended your relationship yet, you must have some hope for a happier future. Where do you find this hope? What do you see that makes you think that things could possibly get better? For instance, you might believe that your partner truly loves you and wants to find a way to make it work. You might also see that he or she is making earnest attempts to change.

If you have even a small reserve of positive feelings and realistic hopes for a better future together, these questions can help you highlight them. They can help increase your motivation to re-engage positively with your partner. Then, of course, it is up to you to act on that motivation and create the relationship that you want.

Conflict - Relationship Problem and Solutions That Can Save Your Relationship

Occasional conflict is a part of life; but if you and your partner feel like you're starring in your own nightmare version of the movie Groundhog Day -- i.e. the same lousy situations keep repeating day after day -- it's time to break free of this toxic routine. When you make the effort, you can lessen the anger and take a calm look at underlying issues.

Problem-solving strategies

• You and your partner can learn to argue in a more civil, helpful manner. Make these strategies part of who you are in this relationship.

• Realize you are not a victim. It is your choice whether you react and how you react.

• Be honest with yourself. When you're in the midst of an argument, are your comments geared toward resolving the conflict, or are you looking for payback? If your comments are blaming and hurtful, it's best to take a deep breath and change your strategy.

• Change it up. If you continue to respond in the way that's brought you pain and unhappiness in the past, you can't expect a different result this time. Just one little shift can make a big difference. If you usually jump right in to defend yourself before your partner is finished speaking, hold off for a few moments. You'll be surprised at how such a small shift in tempo can change the whole tone of an argument.

• Give a little; get a lot. Apologize when you're wrong. Sure it's tough, but just try it and watch something wonderful happen.

• You can't control anyone else's behaviour. The only one in your change is you.

Relationship Problem and Solutions That Can Save Your Relationship - Communication

It's the rare couple that doesn't run into a few bumps in the road. If you recognize ahead of time, though, what those relationship problems might be, you'll have a much better chance of getting past them.

All relationship problems stem from poor communication; you can't communicate while you're checking your BlackBerry, watching TV, or flipping through the sports section.

Problem-solving strategies

• Make an actual appointment with each other. If you live together, put the cell phones on vibrate, put the kids to bed, and let voicemail pick up your calls.
• If you can't "communicate" without raising your voices, go to a public spot like the library, park, or restaurant where you'd be embarrassed if anyone saw you screaming.
• Set up some rules. Try not to interrupt until your partner is through speaking, or ban phrases such as "You always ..." or "You never ...."
• Use body language to show you're listening. Don’t doodle, look at your watch, or pick at your nails. Nod so the other person knows you're getting the message, and rephrase if you need to. For instance, say, "What I hear you saying is that you feel as though you have more chores at home, even though we're both working." If you're right, the other can confirm. If what the other person really meant was, "Hey, you're a slob and you create more work for me by having to pick up after you," he or she can say so, but in a nicer way.

Kids Definition of "Love"

It seems the older we grow, the more we forget what love is and how to express it to others. When old, acts and reaction of love seem to be textbook reaction for many people.

Let’s read these actual Children’s answers to the question ‘what is love?’

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs” – Chrissy age 6

“Love is what makes you smile when you are tired” – Terri, age 4

“Love is when mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is Ok”. – Danny, age 7

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and talk more. My mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss”. Emily, age 8

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening the presents and listen” – Bobby, age 7

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” – Tommy, age 6

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.” – Cindy, age 8

“My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” – Clare, age 6

“Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken.” – Elaine, age 5

“Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt.” – Chris, age 7

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” – Mary Ann. Age 4

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” Lauren, age 4

“When grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” Rebecca, age 8

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” – Karen, age 7

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it,  you should say it a lot. People forget.” – Jessica, age 8

When you say A but you do B

Love..

Control

6 Signs A Lady Is Immature

1. She chews gum everywhere: Even when Alex Fagusion, the former Manchester United coach was still active, he had limit of gums and where he chews it also. For heaven's sake, how on earth will a grown up lady chew gum like its a science competition? This is far from hilarious!

2. She's too gullible: Many people are been moved by the society, people or trend. However, gullibility is an offence! When you are easily tricked by men and cheated, then you start crying "all men are the same/wicked", please grow up... intellectually.

3. She takes you one step backwards: This stems from excessive bills she necessitate for her guy. She demands this and that, she's never satisfied, she takes anything that seems appealing to her from your apartment, she never shares in your dream, when you intend taking her out, she probably brings along her friends etc. How then will a guy plan well for himself?

4. She dresses almost unclad: Do they think they look more attractive, sexy and "marketable" when they dress almost unclad? "Let's call a spade a spade, such dresses make them look like a slot, prostitute and not a wife material." - Ebenezar Who told you that you'll easily get husbands when you put on such dresses? But, this however doesn't say one should dress like a beggar! Just a simple, classy but decent dress should do.

5. She uses fake/unknown identity to test her new Boy friend: This is common with teenage /young girls who don't want to miss-date (date a guy who flirts) or just to establish a trust on him. Girls who do this fall within the ages of 16-24yrs. They use/buy lots of sim cards, change voices to test their boy friend. Many go as far as getting another facebook identity to chat him up just to see if he flirts or not. Little do they know that these hide and seek game provoke mature guys/men who happen to be their boy friend.


6. She makes inconsistent decisions: It is often said, don't make a promise when happy and a decision when angry. She decides on this today but before Paul and Peter flies away, she's back to what she decided against. She however doesn't stop at that but changes decisions, makes promises but however return back to her former state. This isn't helpful in a relationship.

Appreciate your Life

True love is..

4 Things Not To Say To/Ask A Woman

1. Never Tell a Girl to Calm Down

Do you realise what you've done!?!? You just said the C word. Prepare for world chaos. When a man tells a woman to 'calm down', usually its right in the middle of her expressing something that she cares about to him, and to be shut-down with a form of 'relax', will absolutely boil her blood. Whenever you say this, it usually has the opposite effect. You may as well say 'fire up and get angry please', then maybe she will 'calm down' due to how shocked she is over what you just said?

2. Don't Say Anything Bad About Her Guy Friends

There's nothing a girl hates more when you start talking smack about her guy friends, or start dissing her male friends especially when you don't know them well or haven't even met them! This is like getting a red market and writing 'INSECURE' all over your face. Girls like a man with confidence, and when you start getting jealous about her guy friends, it's best to keep your mouth shut. No guy likes it, I know, but it's something we have to put up with. Be confident, if you're not jealous, she will like you even more!

3. I'll Call You Later

We all do it, but do we realise the damage we are causing? You may think it's a good idea to end a conversation with I'll call you later, that's fine, if it's someone other than a girl! But what you have now done is destroyed her chances of calling you in between that time, because technically you have taken charge in saying I WILL CALL YOU, so if she tries to call you now, it will make her seem desperate. GOOD ONE!

4. How many guys have you slept with?

STOP. Do you REALLY want to know the answer to that question? Or will it forever haunt your dreams forever? IT WILL. It's best to not even go there. First of all, you are going to seem insecure again, especially if you ask this right at the start of your relationship, and most guys do! However, if she asks you this question first, as much as you want to ask, I WOULDN'T. Because you don't want to be the one to start this conversation, it leads to the sex questions. Then you start asking what have you done? And now you will regret asking this question!

Chasing the Truth..

We have always had an obsession with truth; with understanding things correctly. More often than not, never have we been satisfied to accept anyone's word for anything. EVERYTHING MUST BE PROVEN; and we believe this is a wise way for everyone to live. If someone says such and such is good, or this and that are bad, we always ask "Why?". We almost NEVER take things on authority. Its our understanding that many people are not honest, and some who are honest are simply mistaken. The higher you go in terms of power, the more reason people have to manipulate you for the sake of their own agendas.

Historically, whenever a significant paradigm shift has occurred, it was strongly opposed by nearly everyone on every side. And yet in the end, the grounds for the shift were proven to be valid.

"Always go to the source/sources of an issue. Dig until you reach the bottom and have ALL the information on a matter. Only then will you be in a competent position to make your own judgment. Also, expect very few to agree with you, and nearly all to mock you. But trust in yourself, or rather, trust in your openness to seek and accept the truth, whatever it turns out to be. You must vow to follow truth wherever it leads, for its own sake."

This takes courage, because truth can be painful; it can turn our world and beliefs upside down. If you truly do your own work, if you will have the courage, discipline, strength, and INTELLECTUAL HONESTY to thoroughly investigate a matter, you can feel secure in your conclusions.

This takes hard work, much time, and complete honesty, but your reward is truth and personal freedom.

Life Shouldn't Be So Hard..

Disappointing Andrew

Andrew my boyfriend, now with an “ex” suffix was studying for his Master degree in order to get one of the best jobs in town and after which we could start talking about marriage - at least that was the plan.

Six years I loved him! I hoped and felt I had found the one.

I thought one day I’ll walk down and meet him at the other end of the aisle.

I wasn’t stupidly in love or living in a love bubble. No, not for six years.

I saw true love in his eyes just like Jesus saw honesty, dedication, selflessness and love in Judas Iscariot - before betrayal that is.

Andrew loosed his virtues and betrayed my trust.

He just wasn’t the same sweet guy I knew and loved spending my time and life with.

He no longer spoke to me like his angel.

He acted wrong and I pointed it to him just like we previously do, but his response was a declaration of war.

I wasn’t to speak to him in a tone that seems we were in a relationship, but rather like I was receiving a favour from him.

Next to no communication, minimal contact and absence of any expression of love pointed to that fact that I didn’t have his love again.

Andrew, oh Andrew, you have been said to cheating and now I see for myself.

Sadly it’s with the same girl I forgave you for betraying my trust with.

And what do you have to say for yourself?

Nothing but denial at an evidently exposed scandal.

Wow!! Just like Uncle Shaggy taught you in the song “Wasn’t me”??

It’s best to part ways with you now than later.

Guess what…

Now I can give some quality attention to Naeem, my cute crush.

Looking back makes me wise; looking forward makes me brave; looking down makes me humble; looking up makes me strong.

Dating the "Right-Wrong person"

We're all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you've been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there's no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are 'wrong' in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness.

And it isn't until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems the ones that make you truly who you are that we're ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you're looking for. You're looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, "This is the problem I want to have." I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.? have a great day everyone!?

Time you walk away

Before Dating, Remember..

Before you get involved with someone, a gentle reminder. No one's perfect, they have a past, they've made mistakes here and there, and they're going to mess up sometimes. They're not always going to know what to do or say, they're not always going to be able to understand you. But if you still want to be with them after they gave you reasons why you shouldn't be, then they deserve the best you have to give.

Life has...

Things You Have to Forget to Get Ahead 13

The excuses for why you haven't started.

The feeling you get from taking the first step is far better than the feeling you get from sitting around thinking about it.  So get up and get moving.  Take the first step this year – just one small step forward.  The greatest miracle of your success will not be that you finished, it will be that you had the courage to begin.

The future starts TODAY, not tomorrow

The Marriage(Relationship) Box.

Things You Have to Forget to Get Ahead 12

The way you expected things to be.

Life is about laughing and learning through good times and bad.  It's about growing through whatever comes your way and looking back with a smile.  You're stronger because of the hard times, wiser because of your mistakes, and happier because you have known sadness.  The same is true for everyone else.

So stay strong.  Even when it feels like everything is falling apart, you can either let it define you, destroy you, or let it strengthen you.  Things change for the better.  Just believe and roll with it.  It won't always be easy, but it will be worth it in the end.  When you finally let go of the past and what did or didn't happen, something better comes along.  Oftentimes what you're looking for comes when you're not looking at all.

The future starts TODAY, not tomorrow

Seriously, "What is Love" to you?

Maxwell was quite rich and energetic; his business was going fine and had the best of what life could offer at that time. It would be a great omission not to mention his girlfriend Rita who was always by him for conservative three years. The two go it going a year before Maxwell hit it big professionally. Rita always knew he was going to be successful and her forecasts were right. His life seemed to be going according to plan, but in reality, no life really does.

It was on a summer afternoon, just after a sweaty game with his friends and colleagues, not to forget the loud cheers from their fiancées and girlfriends. Maxwell dived into the pool just to cool off. There it happened, after a few dives, he hit his head at the bottom of the pool and all the force was transmitted to the on spot, the Cervical Vertebra – which controls the spinal cord. After some period of expecting Max to surface, his wondering friend dived to find Max motionless.

Fast-forward 7 months and some weeks, Max’s fate was sealed. He was confirmed by the best medical experts to be paralyzed feet. Well, fast-forward another two months, there has been so many frustrations, arguments and fights between Rita and Max. Irritated Rita just couldn’t come to terms with her fiancée’s new fate and it was time to call a quit. Max was wise to see it coming and wanted to make it obvious to Rita requested her to sit back and ask herself “if he had not had the accident, would she ever welcome the thought of leaving him?”

Well, the answer she could honestly give was “no”.

************

Many would argue that love is the most overrated word used this contemporary days. Many rather "like" but say they "love". He's rich, she's beautiful, he's have a very nice build, she has great curves, he's respected by all, she's smells so sweet, he has a baritone voice, she always sound like an angel... the list goes on. But here's the bummer; what if he/she looses those qualities? Would you still love him/her? Think about that before saying you are in-love.

For some people, it's good reputation. Are you ready to pay back the gratuity of the "love" you were receiving? Most people pray the relationship never gets to that stage while others hope the "pay back" required won't be too much.

Let's think a bit towards the extreme, what if you never got to enjoy the benefit of the love but you were just called up to act out your confessions of love? For how long can you bear 'stay in character' or can you hold on till the end?

Would you after a week or some months say you have expressed really love? Hmm, real love takes more than that.

What is love to you? 

Things You Have to Forget to Get Ahead 11

The dream that everything should be easy.

The ones who fall and get up are so much stronger than the ones who never fell.  Often it's the deepest pain that empowers human beings to rise and grow into their highest selves.  The ones who win the race in the long run are usually not the quickest or slickest, but the ones who have endured the most.

That's Simply the Woman Phenomenon

A woman is like an incubator;

she takes in whatever you give her, multiplies it and gives you something more.

You give her sperm, she multiplies it and gives you a baby

You give her a house, she multiplies it and gives you a home

You give her a word, she multiplies it and gives you a sentence

You give her groceries, she multiplies it and gives you a meal.

You give her frustration, she multiplies it and gives you hell.

That's just the phenomenon of a real woman.